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Co-sleeping transition

(12 Posts)
Beautifulbella Wed 18-Nov-15 11:34:06

I have a 4.5 month dd, who I have co-slept with since she was a baby. (I know this is not recommended, but it is what I preferred and it works perfectly for us) lately dd sleeping pattern has been horrendous. It's now to the point where I mentally cannot cope in the morning and act as a zombie all day. She is in bed after a feed and bath at 8pm. then wakes at 10pm until her next feed at 12am. awake again from 3am till 4am (next feeding time)wakes for a new day at 5/6am.
I feel absololutely dreadful. Oh cannot help as he gets in from work around 7pm helps as much as he can, put has to leave for work again at 6am. So I feel I cannot ask him to help during night feeds cause it would be unfair. I'm now thinking about transitioning dd into her own cot, hoping this will help with sleeping. Has anyone been through this, did it help? Any advise would be amazing, I feel like I'm failing.

ODog Wed 18-Nov-15 12:55:33

I feel for you. My DS was very similar at that age. I decided to swap to formula at that point but it didn't help. I think poor sleeping is very common around 4mo. You can try putting her in a cot but it may or may not work, cosleepers tend to transition gradually and when they are ready. E.g DS started doing the first stretch of he night in his cot at around 6/7mo then gradually we were able to settle him in the cot/bed (we swapped to a toddler bed at a year which helped loads) more and more until now at 17mo he spends most of the night most days in his own bed. However he still wakes frequently in the night and needs me to settle him so if he is waking a lot I just bring him in to save keep getting up. You may find it is more annoying as you will have to get up to settle her. Worth a try for a couple of nights though.

mrsmugoo Wed 18-Nov-15 20:20:39

What about weekends? It wouldn't hurt your DH to help say, one night in the week even if he does work long hours he can put his big boy pants on and deal with tiredness!

He gets a full nights sleep 7 days a week you you never do? That's not right.

Crazylou Wed 18-Nov-15 22:37:25

I've went through a similar situation with my boy soon to be 7 month, he was in crib until 4 months then moved into his cot as he is quite long and just wanted more space, likes to spread his arms out he started waking regularly the last 2 months during the night every few hrs but he wasn't hungry I was advised that it couldve been sleep regression due to development also started teething, he started to sleep better at 6 months but kept getting woke up with daddy's snoring, sneezing, etc my partner works backshift alot and gets in between 1am-2am our little one kept waking up thinking it was play time every time he heard his dads voice, tonight I took the decision to move cot into my boys on room, so he can sleep without getting disturbed, for weeks I was feeling drained with tiredness with constant wake ups every hour or so, around 6 months I gradually reduced bath time by 10mins each week now I bath \ feed before 7pm and he sleeps from 7.30pm until 7am \ 8am sometimes 9am depending how much he gets disturbed during the night, I always make sure he has a morning nap for 1hr \ 1hr 1\2 and afternoon 45mins I've notice these naps relaxes him more for night time also have book time \ quiet playtime with little noise and lights dimmed for an hour before bath.

Have you tried a swaddling blanket thingy? Helped when DD was small. Watched the happiest baby on the block and tried it.

Beautifulbella Thu 19-Nov-15 01:22:33

OH does try to help on weekends but only ends up bringing more tiring because I end up dealing with a crying baby. As it's similar to crazy Lou oh only sees dd for short periods in the day, and makes a complete fuss, she now thinks daddy time is playtime. Unfortunately swaddling doesn't help me, dd absololutely hates it.
Tonight she was in her cot at regular bedtime but is in bed with me again now as she has been none stop waking and crying throughout the night. sad

GothJoose Thu 19-Nov-15 18:24:31

I Co slept from 3 days until 8 weeks. I loved co-sleeping but By that stage dd was waking 4-6 times a night and I was waking her on top (I was becoming anxious about smothering her so kept waking to check on her) so we decided to stop Co sleeping as I was exhausted . In my case it did help. Almost immediately she started sleeping 4-6 hour stretches instead of 2 hours and we've had a few 8 hour stretches.

We gradually cut down Co sleeping. We started putting her into the crib for the first part of the night then she slept in our bed after her first feed until morning. I then started putting her back into the crib after a feed. It took from 8 weeks until 14 weeks (I think) before I got to the stage where I could put her back into the crib after a feed without her protesting.

She's 18 weeks now. I still bring her into bed to feed her but I put her back in the crib immediately once she finishes feeding. She's only slept in bed with me once over the past 4 weeks and that was only for 3 hours when she woke all jolly at 5 and I didn't want to get up! Although last night she woke at 3 and didn't go back to sleep in her crib until 5 so crib sleeping is no guarantee.

My dd hates swaddling and hates sleeping bags. She sleeps much better with blankets. The first two weeks in the crib she had a sleeping bag. The first night we gave her blankets instead she slept for 6 hours.

My DP can't really help either as he works similar hours as your DP and I'm breastfeeding but he does get up with her on Saturday or Sunday mornings so I can have a lay in, sometimes he takes her for an early morning walk/Starbucks run. Can your DP do that?

CityDweller Thu 19-Nov-15 21:05:17

I might have missed something/ but have you tried feeding as soon as she wakes up? Eg you say she wakes at 3am but you don't feed her until 4am. Any reason why you wait an hour??

ohthegoats Thu 19-Nov-15 21:16:53

I co-slept until 6 months - partly choice, and partly because we didn't have another option (space where we were having to live while our house had work done on it). Months 4 - 6 were dreadful for sleep - I got through it by sleeping while she fed/slept with a nipple in her mouth! Basically lying on my side. We tried to get her into her own bed, and managed it on and off for 3 or 4 hours in the evening to give us a bit of adult time, but it was basically quite painful. The getting myself comfy so I could sleep with her eating was the winning formula.

After about 6/7 months, we got her to sleep in her own cot for the whole night. I had to start by putting her down asleep and she'd stay all evening, and after a couple of weeks she stayed there all night too (with a feed some point during the night). If she's ill now, or teething now (at 13 months), she co sleeps with one of us. At 8 months when I'd weaned off breastfeeding, we started taking it in turns to have her in bed. The other one of us goes into the spare room. We find now that it's usually 2 or 3 nights in bed with 'us' before she'll happily go back into her own room. Just had a bad week with teeth and colds, but she went back to her own cot last night without too much issue.

We never did any sleep training, but she's learned to self settle most of the time if she wakes in the night.

jessplussomeonenew Thu 19-Nov-15 21:19:31

Sounds like the 4 month sleep regression - sorry to say but I don't think it's a good time to make any changes, let alone moving to a cot as there's a good chance this will make her sleep worse and it will make every wakeup more disturbing for you. But the regression does pass!

One tip I wish I'd heard about at the time is that there's a tendency for them to feed less in the day because they get distracted during the day and so end up feeding more at night when it's calmer, so trying to find quiet times to feed and offering frequently can help to avoid getting into a pattern of getting more calories at night.

Other than that, I'd keep cosleeping and do what you need to do to survive the regression. Can you go to bed as soon as your DH gets in so you get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep then? Get family in to give you a break during the day? I found 2 hour stints was manageable as long as I got the occasional longer stint, (it was the nights of every 45 minutes which were the killers).

Finally, please don't feel you're failing - it's entirely normal for babies to wake at night far longer than western society thinks that they should!

ohthegoats Thu 19-Nov-15 21:28:36

To be honest, if I'd known what the sleep was going to be like, we'd have bought a 6ft mattress, shoved it in the corner of 'her' room and all slept together. Put a stair gate on the door when she got old enough to crawl off the mattress. Still could have kept our room for adult stuff in the evening, or before we actually turned lights out, but all slept together in comfort. I can't help thinking that back in ye tribal times, they'd have all slept together - surely that's what we should still be doing. Safely obviously.

Anyway, yes - the 4 month sleep regression is awful, but it passes (just at the point you think it can't get any worse I found!) My awful sleeper is getting there slowly.

Vanoose Fri 27-Nov-15 14:05:13

I hate to say it but I do agree, sounds like sleep regression. We had this from 4m - 6m and I truly wondered if it was possible to die from tiredness, totally know where you're coming from. You are NOT failing. This is totally totally normal.

It honestly does get better, and it may be sooner than you think! Cosleeping saved me as I could snooze during the long feeds and got to him quickly as he stirred and got him on the boob before he fully woke up. I agree, the more changes you make now the worse it could get.

The best advice that I was given was to look after myself as much as possible. Naps wherever I could, got a cleaner, lie ins at the weekend when husband was around. Also my husband worked from home one day a week which meant I had a 3rd lie in too - could yours do that perhaps? Or even take a bit of holiday time if not, you need all the support you can get.

Also, I read The Gentle Sleep Book and this was very reassuring, would recommend highly.

At 7 months it is a million times better. Good luck x

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