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Terrified of horror stories I've heard about health visitors

(37 Posts)
mrsjoker35 Thu 12-Nov-15 18:32:42

Title ^
I keep hearing all these stories! And i don't know where i stand... Im terrified of having my baby and being interrogated by someone ive never met before. I feel as if they'll make me feel as if im not good enough or something! Im honestly terrified , i just want to have my baby in peace. Im 37+4 weeks,
My mum said she threw hers out because she was undermining her, but that was 18 yeas ago... I don't think its that easy without them throwing a red flag at me.

I should be scared of birth, not having my baby taken away.....
Your experiences? And advice would be a great. sad

ShowOfBloodyStumps Thu 12-Nov-15 18:40:40

You sound very anxious. Have you mentioned these concerns to anybody?

You don't have to see a health visitor. They're a service which is there to help you out, not a system of spying on new mothers.

I was very lucky. My first health visitor was the most lovely, nurturing, supportive woman who always turned up with biscuits, played with the dc and was nothing but congratulatory and kind.

I didn't see a hv with dc2 because they were woefully understaffed and I told them not to worry and I'd ring if I had any concerns.

Overall, I'd say your anxiety is being projected onto this one notion. It's fear of the unknown and perhaps fear of parenting with general. If you're really struggling with this, it's worth mentioning it now.

Amummyatlast Thu 12-Nov-15 18:41:42

My HV was fine. Barely saw her. Definitely no interrogating going on. I would take the stories you have read with a pinch of salt.

Oh, and there's no reason to be scared of birth.

Binglesplodge Thu 12-Nov-15 18:43:14

I think like all jobs you'll meet some who are brilliant and some who let the side down... I've met several since I had my son: not only my own health visitor but also various others at children's centre drop-ins etc. I think so long as you don't take every word they say as gospel you'll be grand. Like most people who advise on babies they vary in their approach. If you get on with yours, great. If you don't, you really don't have to see her very often, and if you're in an area like ours there will be other opportunities to see a HV without making an appointment with your own.

Good luck - I certainly haven't come across any who would interrogate you! They are there to help!

FlapSnaps Thu 12-Nov-15 18:43:59

The ones I've met have all been friendly and nice. Haven't had any interrogating. Just try to enjoy the last few weeks of pregnancy and then the birth as much as possible

TheOriginalWinkly Thu 12-Nov-15 18:44:46

Babies don't get taken away from normal loving parents. Health visitors are there to support you (even if some of them are a bit rubbish - mine was a bit useless but friendly enough.) I liked having them come round and weigh DD in the early days of breastfeeding. DD liked pissing on the health visitor, who took it in her stride.

StealthPolarBear Thu 12-Nov-15 18:45:01

Do you mind me asking how old you are - are you the 18 year old?
Health visitors should be there to support you and make sure you and your baby are ok. Are there particular issues that worry you, when you talk about having your baby taken away?
I hope it all goes well. You sound like you'll be a great mum grin stick around on mn, if your health visitor is a little enthusiastic we help put it into perspective smile

PotteringAlong Thu 12-Nov-15 18:45:48

Then just opt out. Say no thanks and never see them.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer Thu 12-Nov-15 18:46:41

You sound very anxious. Do you have any circumstances that are worrying you you might be judged for - relationship, past substance issues, very very young?

HVs are just there to check you aren't struggling. Some do give naff advice, in which case smile, nod and ignore.

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge Thu 12-Nov-15 18:46:54

Look, they vary. And if you get a bad one, then just avoid. Wangle seeing another one, or don't bother. Bear in mind that most women have an ok experience and therefore, don't bother to post about it. Those who have a terrible experience come here for support, so MN ends up with a skewed picture of HV experiences.

At our GP practice they were all very very nice. I didn't find my assigned HV helpful, particularly, but she was a lovely woman so I was perfectly happy to see her now and then. There was one other HV who was shit hot and really helped us over a specific problem.

When I had my second, the HV who came to the house was fine, although constantly asking about DH (the at home parent) as though she doubted he could cope, did annoy me. I didn't see her again because I didn't feel the need.

And you know, you don't have to grovel before your HV. You can always politely challenge what they say or why they are asking about something. It's not like the Gestapo, they have no power over you.

Preciousxbane Thu 12-Nov-15 18:48:48

My HV was wonderful and really helpful. MN has a very anti HV stance in the main.

Llouh Thu 12-Nov-15 18:51:02

I've not met with my HV many times yet as my baby is still young but I've found her advice very useful. She's supportive and it's always nice to hear you're doing a good job.

I'm not sure what horror stories you've heard but I'm sure they aren't there to made new parents feel awful.

As others have said if you aren't comfortable with the visits then just opt out of them. Try not to worry yourself over it though.

StealthPolarBear Thu 12-Nov-15 18:53:46

One of the first things mine said to me was that she wasn't the expert on my baby - I was. And to trust my instincts.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Thu 12-Nov-15 18:55:24

With my first DC I had a student HV, nice but nervous. She only came once. With my second DC I had an older lady, in a massive rush. Called me 'mum' and never asked what we had named the baby. Only one visit, she was here less than 10 min. Honestly, it's not something to get wound up about. If you're having any problems when they come - feeding, questions about poo etc, they are very helpful. Otherwise they fill in their forms and go.

LittleMiss77 Thu 12-Nov-15 18:55:33

My HV was very formal and the consumate professsional when she turned up with her student in tow and i really couldnt warm to her.

When she turned up on her own however, she was much more friendly and down to earth

Her timekeeping was utter shit though

RevsDeCub Thu 12-Nov-15 18:56:51

My baby is now 7 weeks. I seen the health visitor once before he was born, she just asked general questions about myself & my partner. Didn't ask to see babies room or anything (I heard some of them do but she wasn't interested, just interested in checking we weren't unfit I suppose).
I then seen her once when baby was 10 days old & again at 6 weeks. No issues. Didn't even need to get the baby out of the Moses basket, just asked how we were getting on. Seriously, there is NOTHING to be worried about!

GunShotResidue Thu 12-Nov-15 18:59:51

I've seen loads of health visitors and they've all been great. As a pp said, they are there to help you.

A family member in another area had some concerns raised by the health visitors, but they helped her work through them. They don't have the power to take babies away, they are just there to support you and give you advice.

GunShotResidue Thu 12-Nov-15 19:02:10

Oh, and the only reason I've seen loads is because I go to the playgroup that runs alongside the health visitor, so pop in and get DD weighted every few months as I'm curious! If I hadn't gone to them, I would only have seen them once, at the 9 month review, since DD was about 2 months.

CoodleMoodle Thu 12-Nov-15 19:02:41

IME HVs are friendly enough but ineffective. They come over for the checks, patronise me for a bit, and then leave. I just smile and nod, although I really detest being called 'Mum' by anybody but DD... Uf ever I have seen one, it's been a different one each time.

We haven't seen a HV since DD's 1yr check, eight or nine months ago. I don't have much time for them personally but I don't mind them coming to do their checks. I wouldn't go and see one for advice however, purely based on my experience.

No interrogations though! But I can understand how it might feel that way when you've just had a baby and you're full of hormones, etc. Don't worry OP!

Qwertybynature Thu 12-Nov-15 19:04:42

The ones I've seen have been fine; some advice I listen to the rest I ignore. I think I had two or three or home visits, mainly questions about my mood & if I'm coping, and Dc's feeding. Rest of the visits have been at the weighing clinic and it was all fine.

You do sound incredibly anxious though OP, perhaps it may help to talk through your concerns so you know what you should expect as I'm sure there are differences from region to region.

Chippednailvarnish Thu 12-Nov-15 19:05:17

I hope you're not reading the recent cage thread grin

I've had two who were frankly useless and two who were absolutely lovely. You have nothing to worry about, but I would consider why you are so worried?

mrsjoker35 Thu 12-Nov-15 20:01:00

I got refered to SNIP(special needs in pregnancy) because they were worried about my mental health, as when i was really young i took 8 paracetamol -_-
So they were concerned that i may of had issues or something, but ive grown and changed a lot . i met the SNIP lady and she was nice , had a few questions about my current situations and whatnot, she told me if she was concerned i was to meet with her each time i had a midwife appointment do basically i would of been under her care,instead of other midwives who dont deal with that. But she was happy that i had no reoccurring problems and if i felt as if i was falling into a dark place i was to just contact her, but she said she wouldn't need to see me again. All my midwives before totally exaggerated this meeting, one even suggested that she would do home visits to check out my home lol i met with that particular midwife again and she brought it up , and seemed suprised that i was back in " normal" midwife care confused

So i guess maybe that'll end up cropping up again with my HV .. But the SNIP lady was lovely, and i actually believe if i was to contact her and if that were to happen she'd happily sort it out with the HVs,and i would be totally happy with her taking HVs place lol

Chippednailvarnish Thu 12-Nov-15 20:25:14

Call her and tell her how worried you are, that's what she is there for smile

StealthPolarBear Thu 12-Nov-15 20:45:23

It sounds like you definitely have someone in your corner smile mental health antenatally and postnatally is a huge concern so they're right to keep an eye on you. If you do get ill you'll need help to get well for your own sake. Other than in very extreme circumstances they won't be even considering taking your baby away! The best place for your baby is with you.

StealthPolarBear Thu 12-Nov-15 20:45:58

Apologies if you've said and I've missed it but do you have a partner? Is your mum or other family supportive?

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