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sick of hearing "my baby is bigger than yours/she's so small" !!

(107 Posts)
justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Wed 04-Nov-15 10:05:47

My daughter weighed 6lb 8oz at birth and was born 4 days over due date.

she's now 9 months and weighs just over 17lbs so she's put on a steady 1lb+ a month.

she is ebb and I know this can contribute to some bf babies being more slender than plump but my partner was small growing up and I was so skinng (until I had my first serious bf at 16!).

She is developing very well, cruising sofas, crawling and babbling away etc. Always been very alert and fidgety. I basically have no concerns whatsoever!

But I am SO fed of people guessing her age. Someone guessed 2ms the other day! Bloody moron!

I always here "oh my baby is younger but huge compares to yours" and "wow she's so tiny, by baby weights X amount".

How do I respond. I just say wow or woah. I feel like they are very naive and also comparing as if their baby is better than mine. Which I know is so ridiculous and no one means any offense but it still irritates me.

some lady said to me yesterday at a baby group "wow she's so clever!" to which I responded with "well she's 9 months..." surprise surprise I'm greeted with "oh... she's so small".

Help me not take their comments defensively as I know they mean nothing by it!

Any other mamas with small babies?

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Wed 04-Nov-15 10:07:50

Damn, I used to be such a good proof reader! Guess that's what motherhood does!

SweetAdeline Wed 04-Nov-15 10:12:49

No, mine were fatties but my friend has a very petite dd and used to get similar comments. She even had another parent tell her off for giving solids to her "obviously too young" 8 month old. Her dd also walked really early whidh made people stare. Because my dd was tall, when I looked after them together people side to think they were sisters despite being the same age.

I think there are disadvantages to being big too. People often expect dd to behave older than she actually is because she is tall and has clear diction so seems a lot older. I've had people asking what school she is about to start since she was 2. I potty trained her well before she was ready because I (felt I) was getting looks taking her to change her nappy etc.

Palomb Wed 04-Nov-15 10:13:57

Honestly I wouldn't worry about it. My ds was premature and 2lb born, 4.5 lb on discharge and 8lb when we started weaning. He was tiny and everyone commented on it. I just used to nod and smile while shouting fuck off in my head.

dodobookends Wed 04-Nov-15 10:17:57

Mine was tiny too - she's now a ballet dancer. Just smile sweetly - they are the ones who will get backache from carrying their bigger babies around grin

Funkymusic Wed 04-Nov-15 10:19:49

Both my boys were timy babies despite being born on time its just our genes. It does drive me mad the competitive weight thing with babies! I usually get in there first when someone asked how old they are id say x months but there little for there age before they could sort of end it there.

If it helps my 4 year old looks no different to his peers at school but is still very slim.

BitchPeas Wed 04-Nov-15 10:25:08

I get the same with my DD she's on the 2nd percentiles for height and weight. She's 7 months now and I do get some funny looks when she's in a highchair munching on some toast as she does only look about 4 months! I'm only 5ft 2 and small framed so when we are together I would think it's pretty obvious why she is small!

She's also always boiling hot so has less layers than other babies which people always comment on too! I think people assume I'm a tad neglectful....I've started telling people my family history of no women over 5ft 2 and telling them to touch her to see how warm she is all the time grin they soon go away to get away from my mindless jabbering!

FattyNinjaOwl Wed 04-Nov-15 10:25:18

My DD was 7lb 10 at birth. She became quite ill and dropped from the 50th centile to between the 9th and 25th. She was always short anyway. This means she is now 22 months, but only just in 12-18 month clothes. I left my two boys with their dad the other day and let DD toddle to the shop with me. She was really good and held my hand all the way. A woman asked if she could walk unaided yet. I laughed and said, she's nearly two!, then I got the whole "she's so tiny, she doesn't look like she should be standing never mind walking"
I've had people ask if her and her 13 week old brother (he's the complete opposite to her and is 98th centile for height and weight) are twins. hmm

WaitroseEssentialPancetta Wed 04-Nov-15 10:25:57

People just want something to say. My baby is massive. It's not better or worse but you get comments either way.

Kim82 Wed 04-Nov-15 10:26:26

I have a tiny one too. She was 6lb 7oz when she was born and is now just over 19lb at 15 months. I do the same as FunkyMusic and get in there first saying that I know she's small. Either that or you could let them guess your babies age and say "yes, that's right" and then pretend she's super advanced for her age. grin

I think I just make small babies. My older 3 were all small for their age when they were younger and they were all smaller than most of their friends for years. They have caught up now though as my 14 year old Ds is taller than me and my 11 year old dd is in age 12-13 clothes as she's quite tall. I'm still waiting for the growth spurt with my 8 year old though, she's still in age 5-6 clothes, bless her!

Costacoffeeplease Wed 04-Nov-15 10:30:39

You can either reply 'yes she's so lovely and petite' or 'is she? I'd never noticed hmm' I'd go for the second one grin

ReallyTired Wed 04-Nov-15 10:34:32

My daughter was tiny at a year old. We used to have the health visitor coming out to weigh her every month because her weight was below the 0.4th centile and I didn't take it particularly seriously. She is still tiny at the age of six but now on the 2nd centile. Some people are destined to be small.

Looking at a baby chart I don't think 17lbs is that small for 9 months especially if she is a breastfed baby. 17lb = 7.71kg which would put her just below the 50 centile.

I suspect that the other mothers have overwieght children rather than your child being underweight. Babies are not turkeys being fattened for christmas.

Do you think that your child would really thank you for stuffing her with food like a sumo wrestler?

Ifiwasabadger Wed 04-Nov-15 10:35:40

I so feel your pain.

DD was a tiny 4 pounds at birth and is now barely 10 kilos, at 2. Strangers guess her age at 1. If we see a new doctor I get a big lecture on how small she is (below 5th centile). She is dwarfed by other kids half her age.

What to do? We can't all be massive heffers. DH and I are tall and slim...

SweetAdeline Wed 04-Nov-15 10:39:33

Isn't it funny on a thread about how hurtful comments can be we have had massive heffers and this delightful comment:

*I suspect that the other mothers have overwieght children rather than your child being underweight. Babies are not turkeys being fattened for christmas.

Do you think that your child would really thank you for stuffing her with food like a sumo wrestler?*

Some babies are small, some are big - in both cases it is more likely than not to be genetic.

ButEmilylovedhim Wed 04-Nov-15 10:43:05

I used to get this. Competitiveness at the weighing clinic. How much has your baby put on? When I answer 2ozs or similar, well my baby has put on a pound! I used to think well, your baby's father is 6 foot 5 tall so not that surprising! I think some people think weight gain is a sign of better parenting or advanced development. Nooo! The child follows its own predetermined growth line (if given enough food but that goes without saying really) and nothing much changes that. My two were on the 25th percentile for height and weight for a long time. Ds who is now 16 has been wearing men's clothes since he was about 13 so safe to say he's grown well now! Take no notice, it's other people's insecurity and they'll look for some supposed superiority where they can get it, even if it makes no sense whatsoever.

FattyNinjaOwl Wed 04-Nov-15 10:43:57

sweet I agree completely. As I said in my post, I have one petite child, who is between the 9-25th centiles, one bigger child, 98th centile and my older boy hovers around the 75th. All have the same dad.

ijustwannadance Wed 04-Nov-15 10:43:59

Just ignore the nosy buggers. People don't say those things to be mean and they don't think their child is better than yours. I had the opposite problem with my DD. She was big when she came out and remained tall. And because her speech developed early I would get regularly get attitude off other parents in parks/playgrounds, "she should be careful around the younger ones" etc. ( they would be confusedshock when she told them she was same age or even younger than their pfb.
Even at 3 people would ask her why she wasn't in school as she looked 5.
Now she's at school she seems to have evened out a bit.

HeadDreamer Wed 04-Nov-15 10:45:25

Just ignore. Mine is 0.4th centile so is really small. I get this kind of comments all the time. But then I'm very slim it's hardly surprising. I don't even weigh enough to give blood!

ijustwannadance Wed 04-Nov-15 10:55:11

Oh and my almost 10lb massive heffer came out of my size 8-10, 9 stone body and while I no longer have my pre child 24 inch waist/washboard stomach I have always been slim. I was a chubby baby though.
My sis on the other hand was a tiny/slim baby and child but is a chubby adult.

LagartijaNick Wed 04-Nov-15 11:03:54

I really feel the need to say.... It's heifer.

zombieme8 Wed 04-Nov-15 11:05:54

I think you get comments either way and most often it's just people making conversation or trying to reassure themselves that they are doing it right. My ds was 1 at the weekend, when his swimming teacher asked on Monday if people had had a fun weekend I said yes, it was ds's birthday! She said, 'aw,big boy, 2 years old now!!' He can run, jump and loves throwing himself into the pool and going under water and (she says) 'He's huge for his age'. It's all meant kindly though (I think).

I don't think there's much you can do either way. I always just reply 'he's happy and healthy'.

UmbongoUnchained Wed 04-Nov-15 11:06:59

I don't understand why it would upset you? My DD is 14 months and weighs 18 pounds and is in 6-9 month clothes. People comment all the time how small she is. Because what? She is!

zombieme8 Wed 04-Nov-15 11:08:01

Forgot to say I've experienced both, I regularly get stopped to ask about my 'twins' ... DD is 3.5yo!

FattyNinjaOwl Wed 04-Nov-15 11:08:14

lag grin
Ijust well my "massive heffer" was 10 lb 10 and a half he's obviously much better wink or does that make him worse? Obese? Does anyone really care? The comments off strangers about babies of any size are silly but the nastiness on this thread about bigger babies is ridiculous.

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Wed 04-Nov-15 11:12:51

Some very helpful comments thank you. I'm 5'10 but my partner is a bit shorter than me. He was very short right through to mid teens so we think she takes after him. I think my frustration stems from people saying to me "you're tall...". I've had this all my life! Well duh! So it probably irritated because it reminds me of that, and also how we naturally feel defensive for our little ones!

Nice to know I'm not the only one that finds this irritating!

Whether our babies are big or small, we can't win!

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