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A bit lonely on maternity

(12 Posts)
waitingforsomething Tue 03-Nov-15 11:42:31

I'm on maternity with my second DC who is 4 months old; my older DC is 3 and goes to pre-school 3 days per week and my spends the day with my mum one day. When I was off with DC1 I went to baby groups, made lots of friends and had a social life with her which kept us both busy. I still see these mums sometimes, but they're at work as their second is either older than mine or they haven't had a second.
I went to a couple of baby groups with DC2 but really they were filled with first time mums who were chatting about the (totally valid) topics of weaning, teething, sleeping etc which I can't bear to discuss all over again! They bonded over their first time experiences so I have been on the outside.

Apart from cooking, cleaning the house and looking after DC2 (who is largely sleepy and low-maintenance, I am lucky) I actually feel quite lonely during the day - I feel like I hardly ever talk to another adult. Even when DC1 is about she loves pre-school and I'm sure would rather be playing with her friends than hanging out with me! Has anyone else had this on second maternity leave? I feel like I'm being silly but I do feel a bit rambling and aimless during the day and would like a few people to talk to.

poocatcherchampion Tue 03-Nov-15 11:47:12

I'm not lonely - dc3 is only 2 weeks old but I know what you mean. I am trying to decide what to do this mat leave. With dc1 it was talking endlessly about babies, dc2 we had just moved so I did renovations and now dc3 us here and I need a bit of a hobby in between the activities we already do - mostly for the older 2 - who are both still at home.

So yes I sympathise but have no good ideas!

Alwaysinahurrynow Tue 03-Nov-15 11:56:00

i was incredibly lonely on my first maternity leave. I was in a new city and the only people I knew were from baby things who understandably had their own lives from before babies. On my second maternity leave it was a bit betts as had two girls who had a second baby round the same time and met up with them at least once a week. I also just spent lots of time with first-time mums and tried not to offer advice when talking about weaning etc. I have to say as I'm thinking about a third, one of my thoughts is who would I have to spend time with as don't know anyone else who is likely to have a baby at the same time.

Post natal Pilates and a buggy Bootcamp were saviours as I felt I was spending time with people, but not talking about babies!

waitingforsomething Tue 03-Nov-15 11:59:45

Ooh post natal Pilates- that sound good can you take your baby? I think I just need an put the house activity that's not a baby group this time

SellFridges Tue 03-Nov-15 12:04:18

I suffer from loneliness on mat leave and it can really affect my mental state.

This time round I'm going to Buggy Fit a few times a week and a music class. Ive made an effort to talk to people this time round and it's made a difference. Anything like that near you?

waitingforsomething Tue 03-Nov-15 12:07:27

I live in a city so I'm sure there are these things- I will look into these. I love spending time with DC2 and feel guilty for being lonely/bored but he is asleep half the day!

Jw35 Tue 03-Nov-15 12:13:55

I have a 10 month old and a 12 year old so some conversations I also found boring but I found that actual toddler groups as opposed to baby groups were far better. We go to 2 toddler groups and rhyme time at the library. It's good to get out, it's sometimes a case of finding the right groups x

Peaceloveandpartyrings Tue 03-Nov-15 13:08:03

Have you thought about volunteering with your local NCT branch? They are often crying out for volunteers, and the committee meetings can be a good laugh. I've made some very close friends through doing this, and am kept busy with tasks such as advertising Nearly New Sales etc.

Alwaysinahurrynow Tue 03-Nov-15 18:20:03

Post natal Pilates - taking your baby was actively encouraged at mine. It meant the amount of Pilates you got to do was variable. Ours was in a church hall with a coffee shop so there were always others there before or after to chat to as well.

BrightonMum36 Wed 04-Nov-15 20:21:30

Keep going to the baby groups. People are making banal baby chat as icebreakers because that's initially what you have in common.
All mums are longing to talk about other things other than babies you just have to get past the small talk.
Also join Facebook mum groups and meetup groups. You'll get there you just have to persist!

waitingforsomething Thu 05-Nov-15 08:18:17

Thanks everyone. My dd plays with one little girl in particular at pre school and her mum also has a small baby. Yesterday morning her baby was having a good scream so I offered to hold her while she helped her older dd with her coat etc. After that she asked if I wanted to go for a coffee with the babies some time. Feel better now- just need to be brave and friendly ...and probably persist with an activity too.

waterrat Thu 05-Nov-15 20:59:02

I had exactly the same.experience.

On mat leave with baby 2 (who is now 16 months ) I was incredibly lonely and bored. My 2 yr old was at a childminder twice a weel and that was what he loved and I needed the time to rest. But I felt so bored !! I tried baby yoga and like you I just felt in a very different place to first time mums. I just didn't want yo talk about baby stuff .

I look back and now I wonder if I should have made more effort to find thibgs
..like someone mentioned volunteering with nct.

For me I qas happy yo return yo work part time and I am now really happy as on my days with the kids I am out of the baby phase and enjoy pottering qith the toddler and my older son. Its easier to meet people when u have a slightly older baby or toddler as you are doing things. ..

So...I would say just look about for friendly faces or volunteer at a playgroup ?

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