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I feel as though I'm going to explode with rage. I'm a terrible mum, a terrible girlfriend just a bad person in general really. I feel so worthless and I'm sure my little boy would be better off without me as his mummy.
I love him so much he's the best part of my life but at times he's also the hardest. He's 22 months old and starting to have tantrums about absolutely everything he hits, kicks, pinches and sometimes bites and I'm finding it really hard. I've always had a bit of a temper but it's got worse and I lose it with him sometimes I shout so loud it frightens him to tears and then I feel awful.
I'm currently living with the in laws as we are saving to buy our own house. It's a real struggle for me as I don't feel very liked by my partners family so it's uncomfortable. I'm excluded from things that everyone else is involved in and this causes issues between my partner and I because he's stuck in the middle so we're arguing as well. I feel like they judge me as a parent and tell me when they think I'm doing something wrong which I don't think is their place. This is just another thing to add to the list of shit things in my life. I feel as though I'm struggling to breathe an can't come up for air I feel so stressed all of the time I don't feel happy.
I don't talk to anyone about any of this I keep it all in but it's getting harder I feel like I'm going to just snap one day. I'm thinking I need some help but I've gone to the doctor in the past and didn't really get any support I was just made to feel like It was because I was a new mum but a year on I don't feel any better. What can I do? I can't carry on like this.
Please go back to the doctors, you really need some support. You will get through this and feel better, although I do know that it doesn't seem like it at times. You've done really well reaching out for help on here, next step is reaching out in rl, I know it can feel scary but it is the best thing for you.
That does sound stressful - I have a 19 month old and I often feel quite frazzled looking after him despite having our own house.
Do you have a friend/member of your family that you could stay with for a weekend or a few days either with or without your son and partner just to get a change of scenery and a break from the in-laws without spending money on a holiday?
Also, do you get out of the house a lot? Sorry if you already do, but I try to get mine out as much as possible as it's more stressful if we're cooped up in the house, and the more you're out the less you're at home with the in-laws. He's still boisterous at home but getting out to somewhere like the playpark where he can't break anything is a good break. We go out even if it's raining or the slide etc is damp - he has an all-in-one waterproof (sometimes called a rain suit or puddle suit) which isn't that expensive to buy - get a size or two too big though so you can put layers underneath and so it's less of a battle to get it on...
Another free source of entertainment that seems to be popular - sit puschair in view of a busy road and spot buses/trucks etc, or in view of a building site with diggers.
Do you get to go out with your partner just the two of you if in laws are on hand to babysit? Do you get time just to yourself? I find even a half hour bath or something can really help me get away from things and relax. I know from experience that it's hard to try to change things when you're feeling really stressed but maybe there are some small things that might make a big difference.
Sorry if none of the above is helpful but I hope things get better soon.
Thank you both for your replies. I have made an appointment with a doctor for tomorrow and I'm going to be completely honest about what's been going on. I'm also going to try and get out more on my days off im always put off by the rain or cold but I know that getting out does make things better.
Seeing the doctor sounds sensible - I hope they're supportive and you can feel more positive soon.
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