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Oh help - DS has been breaking toys at the CM's.

(10 Posts)
gwenneh Mon 26-Oct-15 16:49:18

Have just had a text off of the CM to let me know that DS1 has now deliberately broken two toys at her house. Neither are expensive but the fact that he's deliberately broken two things on two different days concerns me.

He's four, nearly five, and I've never encountered this type of behaviour out of him before. It's very out of character.

Can anyone suggest an appropriate consequence that will help me get through to him that this is unacceptable behaviour that affects the other children as well?

Arfarfanarf Mon 26-Oct-15 16:53:09

What does she mean deliberately?
I mean, obviously if he's broken them you need to replace them, but what actually happened? He snapped them? He stamped on them? He threw them? He played roughly with them? What made her feel it was his intention to break the items rather than playing roughly with them?
I ask because obviously how you deal with it depends what exactly happened.

LIZS Mon 26-Oct-15 16:56:37

Why is she telling you this by text. Hardly an emergency. Do you do the pick up , why could it not be mentioned then.

gwenneh Mon 26-Oct-15 17:19:27

By deliberately, she means he sat there and snapped the head off of Buzz Lightyear last week, and a policeman figure today. Wasn't a case of playing too rough, unfortunately.

As for telling me by text, she often updates me or sends me reminders via text, in addition to the regular diary she does every day. That's not out of the ordinary.

Arfarfanarf Mon 26-Oct-15 17:42:37

Can you ask him why he did it? (He may not be able to tell you. Kids don't always know why they do shit) and tell him it made people sad? Or ask him how he thinks it would feel if someone broke (insert his favourite toy here) and how he thinks x felt when he broke the toy?

Don't ask him IF he broke the toy. Kids lie and it's hard for them to backdown

Ask him what he thinks he could do now to make it better?

gwenneh Tue 27-Oct-15 08:35:10

So, I started off by asking him why he did it, and he strenuously denied it the whole way home. I texted CM to confirm it was definitely him, and then let him read the text so he knew he was caught.

He's going to be writing a note of apology and we'll be picking out some replacement toys at the weekend, plus getting one to donate, and he'll have to do some extra 'chores' to offset it.

I'm more concerned about the lying though. I mean, he really did it with a straight face for ages until he knew he'd been caught.

BigSandyBalls2015 Tue 27-Oct-15 08:39:43

grin at 'snapped the head off Buzz Lightyear', sorry not very helpful but that made me laugh.

shutupanddance Tue 27-Oct-15 08:42:10

Is he happy at CM s?

Arfarfanarf Tue 27-Oct-15 08:45:21

Children do that. Try not to think it means anything terrible. They seem to have the ability to actually believe their fibs . grin
I knew he'd deny it, they often do. They just get scared. They're very little.
I think you've handled it well and what you plan to do is good.

gwenneh Tue 27-Oct-15 08:54:40

I'm reasonably sure he's happy there; he's been with her since he was 1 and it's always been relatively smooth sailing. That's why this caught me out a bit -- he doesn't act out often.

Thanks for the advice, all. Feeling a lot better about it this morning!

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