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About Santa...

(11 Posts)
ParsleyCake Tue 06-Oct-15 21:02:05

What to parents who don't tell their child about Santa do when the child goes to school and other kids talk about Santa?

Some people do view telling kids about Santa, the tooth fairy etc as lying to the child. I am not judging, but I would really like to know what parents DO tell the kids then, because obviously they will hear about these characters from other people.

I'm torn. I don't want to tell my kid something that's not true. If possible, it'd be better (in my view) to neither confirm nor deny, that way you can still let them imagine, but without having them be heartbroken one day when they find out its not real, or having their trust in you broken. I remember being very upset, mainly at my parents, when I was little as I thought they had been secretly laughing at me behind my back waiting for me to figure it out - of course they hadn't been.

PrincessHairyMclary Tue 06-Oct-15 21:18:08

I think the small heartbreak of finding out it's not true is tiny compared to the magical memories you can make whilst they do believe. However I'm all for creating as much magic and fantasy in DDs life as I can, I don't see it as lying at all we do Elf on the Shelf, the Tooth fairy and when she was tiny and learning to sleep in her own bed the sand man would leave her a little gift the following night. It's like going to Disneyland and having dinner with the Princesses... DD was completely in awe and lost for words, it really wouldn't be the same if she had just thought they were people playing dress up.

Beside those who don't believe in "Santa" or the spirit of Christmas don't get any presents in my house.

What I do worry about though is the link with good or bad and using Santa as a threat. I think it's horrible and takes the magic and innocence away. Also children fromdifficult backgrounds who get asked by well meaning strangers "Have you been good for Santa?" Etc who then don't get a gift will think that they have been bad and the effect this has on their self esteem and self worth.

Although I realise that none of that answers your question. Whilst I'm not one of them I would imagine parents that don't tell their children about Santa for moral or religous reason could go down the route of "some people believe some things but others don't" as you would if you were discussing religion.

Liomsa Tue 06-Oct-15 21:30:26

We do Santa as a nice story, not Santa as literally real, and though DS is only 3.5, he's always been around older children (preschool, childminders) who do believe literally, and it doesn't seem to bother him. He gets just as much fun out of it, and has no problem with the 'some people believe' approach to things. We're vegetarian, so he's used to the fact that other people eat different foods.

I get very impatient with the shriekier end of the 'you're ruining the childhood magic!' brigade. He's not missing out on anything. He's a vividly imaginative child, with a battalion of imaginary friends and imaginary games. Santa gets visited in grottoes, brings presents, has cake and booze left out for him, and we do the usual tree and carols and parties and fun, but without him thinking Santa is flesh and blood real.

WhetherOrNot Wed 07-Oct-15 11:42:57

Oh Fuck me - here we go again. Read all the threads from last year and the year before and the year before that. They include all the crap about 'not telling the truth' and 'lying to my child' that is spouted EVERY year on here. hmm

NickyEds Wed 07-Oct-15 14:02:11

i can't believe you were that upset finding out about Santa! I remember "keeping up the rouse" long after I knew because I didn't want my parents to be heartbroken! Don't all parents lie to their kids? Mine are only tiny (21 months and 11 weeks) but I already lie to the toddler, "The biscuits are all gone" nope they're all mine!, "Your little friend didn't mean to hit you" yes they bloody did, "Mummy's not cross" I'm livid. I'm really looking forward the "he's been!!" moments as they get older.

My friends little girl is in a class with a girl whose parent just tell them the hard truth-There is no Santa, it's your parents. I'm not entirely sure what they think they're protecting their kids from??? Too much magic and Christmassyness?

Whether.....joining in isn't compulsory you know... Humbug.

WhetherOrNot Wed 07-Oct-15 15:42:16

Nicky - just hunting in vain for a different/interesting topic grin

GoodnightDarthVader Fri 09-Oct-15 20:44:46

My mother sat me down and told me the truth (BIG, serious talk). I was devastated that I'd been lied to and felt like the world's biggest idiot. I excused myself and cried in my room.

I plan to tell my children that it's a nice story / some people believe it. All presents will be from the people that bought them. My in-laws have a tradition that the "christmas tree" buys a present for everyone, which is a nice compromise and one I might consider. DH understands my feelings but like most people had a "normal" reaction to Santa, so I don't think he understands the depth of my feeling on this one.

I'm also not planning on making a habit of lying to my children about little things. I want them to trust in me and believe in me.

Tfoot75 Fri 09-Oct-15 20:53:50

I don't think there's any need for the whole of the magic of christmas to be tied into the Santa myth so that you need to lie - it's just a bit of make believe, and only a tiny part of the whole of Christmas traditions here. Santa brings a stocking but not every present, which is the way it was when I was growing up. I don't recall ever truly believing or finding out 'the truth', but even I can remember imagining I saw his sleigh on a neighbours roof and glittery footprints on the carpet, it's just about building memories!!!

RabbitSaysWoof Fri 09-Oct-15 20:55:32

I'm lying through my teeth, it's fun, it's exciting for dc. Why the big talks from parents? the dc I know stop believing when they are ready to except and grow out of it (juniors school for the friends and family children I know) a parent doesn't actually tell them.
Maybe the heartbreak is because the children want to keep it and it's been pissed on? I remember finding out it wasn't true it dawned on me for ages, my brother confirmed it.

NickyEds Fri 09-Oct-15 21:01:15

I think that's how it more commonly happens Rabbit-I don't know anyone who was sat down and given a talk. I wonder why your mum did that Goodnight?

RabbitSaysWoof Fri 09-Oct-15 21:17:37

My friends dc still pretend to believe (her youngest is 12) it's a running joke in their house 'if you don't believe you don't receive' it's like the kids are humoring her they have a lot of fun with it.

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