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Out of ideas . Please help me!

(8 Posts)
Lagoonablue Thu 24-Sep-15 18:42:44

My5 and 9 yr olds have turned into nightmares. For instance tonight. 9yr old DD cried and wailed because of not being able to go somewhere. Wasn't anyone's fault. Blaming me, total drama.

5 yo kicked off at after school because he had to come home and off the Playstation. Was told it was wrong to for switch it off and ruin the game for other boys. Came home spoke really disrespectfully a number of times because things weren't going his way. Daft things such as over rewinding the tv programme he was watching and losing his place, the banana he asked for tasting horrible so he threw it away and was told this was also unacceptable. He started crying. I tried to ask him about his day, he shouted at me! Acts like he hates me.

Our house is just a constant drama of tantrums and tears. When I tell them off, I am usually calm but it makes no difference. They go off like a rocket. I feel I have no control, over their behaviour. Reasoning makes no difference, removing toys and priveleges make short term difference. It it never lasts. I am tired of it, I hate the way they speak to me and fear it will get worse.

5 year old often repeats what I say in a sarcastic voice. He's 5 FGS!
I am at the end of my tether. I finally lost it after the series of dramas tonight and screamed at them.. It's useless know. They just cry louder, I feel guilty and it achieves nothing.

I need a strategy. I need some respect and control and less drama and calm. Where I don't have to scream to get them to behave. I'm sad and I don't know how we've got to this stage.

Lagoonablue Thu 24-Sep-15 18:47:52

Also have to nag and nag to get them to get dressed in the morning. Have to ask them to do something 10 x at least. Just getting dressed. Brushing teeth wtc. Nag nag nag. Get sick of my own voice but they will not do things.

JellyMouldJnr Thu 24-Sep-15 18:50:38

Have you tried 123 magic?

Lagoonablue Thu 24-Sep-15 18:52:22

What's that? Thanks for replying. I am so desperate. I am sat MNing in another room because I am so angry at them I need to be away from them.

ovenchips Thu 24-Sep-15 19:03:31

Lagoonablue, Sorry to hear things are difficult for you - sounds rough and I feel for you.

If you're willing/ able to, read a copy of the book How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk by Faber and Mazlish. I think it would be of great help and I cannot recommend the techniques highly enough. It is really just altering the way you react, so changing your behaviour rather than theirs. But your change produces the results in your children's behaviour you are looking for, I think.

The book is very readable, loads of anecdotes and actual cartoons of parent/ child 'interactions' showing you what to do/ not to do.

Lagoonablue Thu 24-Sep-15 19:56:48

Thanks. I have seen that book and will look into it again. I think it is so hard to be calm and use these techniques. I know they work but sometimes in the heat of the moment I forget how to do the effective thing!

Thanks for response. 5 yr old now in bed and it went ok. No tears or screaming anyway!

ovenchips Thu 24-Sep-15 21:08:53

Often in the heat of the moment I forget to do the effective thing! I hope my post didn't come across as someone who has it sussed. I absolutely don't.

My son does hideous impressions of my 'cross' face and told me that he is frightened by my shouting blush But the book has techniques that I would never have used spontaneously myself and had never come across elsewhere. I have had to do a lot of re-training myself and that is ongoing.

Pleased your 5 year old had a peaceful bedtime. Now wine/brew/cake?

Lagoonablue Thu 24-Sep-15 22:24:04

Thanks. Will definitely look at the book.

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