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shared parenting or "friends"?

(3 Posts)
Ineedahug Sun 20-Sep-15 18:22:55

Hi All. So, a bit of background, I have 3 children (9, 6 and 4), and an ex-husband who has the children 6 nights/fortnight, and who despite being an a***hole to me (cheating, controlling/ get the picture), has been a good dad to them. I was summoned round to his house this afternoon to talk about the five of us spending more time together, e.g. days out and potentially xmas day, as he thinks it is good for the children to see us getting on and spending time together. My gut instinct is that this is a bad idea, not only for me but more importantly for them. I think it is confusing and a totally false situation (there is no chance ever I would get back with him, and my guess is that he feels the same way). Plus when we have had days out in the past, most recently in the summer hols, I have felt on edge and that the children weren't as relaxed as they usually are with just me (but I could be imagining that). He wants us to be "friends", and got cross when I said that although we have a shared interest in the wellbeing of our children, I could never be friends with him as I don't trust him. Am I being mean, and putting my own feelings before the best interests of the children? What is the consensus on this? Is it good for them to see us getting on? Should I try and be friends with him?

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake Sun 20-Sep-15 18:26:30

Getting on is one thing, not arguing in front of them, being pleasant when you see each other and talking about the children is getting on. Being friends is completely different and not necessarily the best thing as the dcs may get confused, and potentially upset if they think you are becoming a family again

queenrollo Sun 20-Sep-15 19:10:39

If it feels wrong to you then don't do it.

I get on well with my ex, and we are both re-married. All four of us get on well, and in some social situations have all been there as DS1 wanted it.
It has felt awkward at times though, and it's not something I actively encourage.
If neither of us had moved on to other relationships I would feel even more awkward about it.

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