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Buying Alcohol for 16 yo DD

(49 Posts)
BaconAndAvocado Sat 19-Sep-15 13:14:41

(Asking this for a friend)

Friend's daughter drinks alcohol occasionally when she's out and is claiming that all her friends parents are buying alcohol for them to take out every weekend.

My friend feels uneasy about it and has refused to buy her anymore. Her daughter is obviously upset about this and making my friend feel guilty!

She'd be interested to have any perspectives.

Ilovemybabygirls Sat 19-Sep-15 17:09:13

I am amazed your friend is encouraging her daughter to drink alcohol under age like this, quite apart from the legal aspect, it is incredibly irresponsible. I don't believe for one moment ALL of dd's friends parents are supplying alcohol I just can not believe it. They are 16 years old not 18 plus.

If the dd in question is hell bent on drinking alcohol she will find it much harder to obtain than you would imagine. All stores around here require proof of age and definitely follow through, some request the age to be 21. She can not get served in bars or pubs or even get in, so in fact the only place they would be getting alcohol is from your friend!!! That is MESSED up. Really it is. The odd glass of wine at dinner with family is acceptable possibly on special occasions. Buying bottles to drink and hang around parks or wherever absolutely isn't, and the parents are a grave disservice to their child. Will they also be supplying class A drugs if their child requests it...where does it stop?
I would tell your friend to stop straight away, sit down with said children and explain the dangers of being drunk etc, the damage they are doing to their young bodies, and the potential consequences if they drink too much.
Ghastly parenting skills, a complete breakdown in parental responsibility and at some point they will live to regret their actions when something unplanned happens to the child.

Scobberlotcher Sat 19-Sep-15 17:14:16

I'd suggest she tells her daughter she's going to talk to all these parents and see if they are.

Watch the backtracking!!

But even if some parents are so irresponsible as to be providing alcohol for their child to drink on the streets and are happy to put their child in danger that way, that is no reason for your friend to.

Children drinking alcohol in parks and on street corners in the eveningsis not good and should not be supported by a parent. I am amazed that any parent could support it.

CloakAndJagger Sat 19-Sep-15 17:28:33

id pretty much guarantee that the other parents aren't doing this. Ask for the numbers of these parents so you can call them and verify, and watch her back track.

elephantoverthehill Sat 19-Sep-15 17:31:56

I believe 16 year olds can legally buy wine or beer in a pub or restaurant if they are having a meal. However buying alcohol for this age group for consumption elsewhere is illegal. The buyer will be prosecuted. Unfortunately I have heard from youngsters about parents who do this. When my DS1 was 16 us parents had long discussions about the matter and decided that at house parties we would provide a can of beer each and monitor it. It is legal in a household and we concluded it would be better managed by us than the youngsters doing the street corner/park thing. Communication between parents is so powerful Watch the backtracking!!

Noeuf Sat 19-Sep-15 17:36:28

Well I would pretty much guarantee the other parents are doing this tbh. ??As the owner of a dd aged nearly 17 there have been regular sleepovers with alcohol for the last year. Very recently dd talked to me about needing to take drink to a party and I caved and bough Malibu. This is in the understanding that she doesn't come home more than tipsy and we have talked at length about safety , falling asleep drunk, looking out for friends. ??I have spoken to the other parents and it seems I was the only not thrilled one.

DepecheNO Sat 19-Sep-15 17:39:34

I don't think they should be drinking outside the house at that age. I had 16yo friends when I was newly 18, and one boy's parents had the interesting rule that they would not buy it for us but encouraged us to drink at their house if we had any - which of course we did, because some of us were 18. Have seen some very vulnerable teenagers out at night, and that includes those of uni age who have been sheltered. Definitely check if the other parents are doing it before buying her anything to share!

Lj8893 Sat 19-Sep-15 17:43:58

My mum bought me alcohol (small amounts) for parties. And would even take me to the pub with her at 16/17.

But that was a long time ago and things have definetly changed!

ffffffedup Sat 19-Sep-15 17:52:45

I think I would buy alcohol for my dc at that age but only to drink in my presence so I could monitor it or if another responsible adult was there to supervise

BackforGood Sat 19-Sep-15 17:57:04

I have a ds who is 19 and a dd who is 16.
My experience is, once they moved into 6th form then, when there was the occasional party, then they tend to take alcohol.
I'm quite happy with that.
No, i don't mind them taking a couple of cans from home to drink at a party.
Dd has only just started 6th form, and it hasn't come up yet, but id do the same as with ds when it does.

Not sure where some posteres have got the ideae tbis is hanging arou d street corners / the park ?

Am very surprised at the "shock, horror" response onf some posters

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 19-Sep-15 17:57:08

Some parents do, some parents don't. My DSes rarely go to parties but at 16, I would buy them a small amount of alcohol to take.

Fairylea Sat 19-Sep-15 17:59:21

My dd is 13 and I wouldn't be buying her alcohol at 16. My mum was very liberal with me whilst I know she meant well I do believe it contributed to years of very heavy drinking in my late teens and 20s.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 19-Sep-15 18:02:31

Not it works that way Fairylea, i didn't drink until I went to uni, then made up for lost time late teens/20's

Fairylea Sat 19-Sep-15 18:04:03

True but I can only go by my own experiences and as a parent I wouldn't want to feel I encouraged it. If she decided to go and drink on her own as an adult that's different.

Noeuf Sat 19-Sep-15 18:04:06

Backforgood sounds similar??Fairy lea my mum wasn't and I just remember drinking a lot at uni when away from her control. So it's never easy to come down one side or another really, I guess we have to live with our choices

Lurkedforever1 Sat 19-Sep-15 18:05:50

I'd buy a small and appropriate amount for dd at that age, if she was going to be in someone's house or similar.

specialsubject Sat 19-Sep-15 18:29:09

children lie to try and get what they want.

what other parents do is irrelevant.

PowderMum Sat 19-Sep-15 18:33:17

I have an DC18 and DC16, both drink alcohol in moderation. Eldest can now buy her own and I am sure she will at Uni. She drank from around 15 at home, small amounts 1-2 units max per week but didn't drink socially until her final year at school.

Younger DC is much more social and has a larger friendship group, from Y11 she has taken alcohol to parties usually bottles of cider, but they are small gatherings and they only drink 1 or 2 and then maybe try something like scnapps. At big parties she sticks to soft drinks as she prefers them. I have never seen her drunk and I am happy to supply the alcohol.

Seriouslyffs Sat 19-Sep-15 18:39:29

Unfortunately it's not irrelevant. If your dcs are socialising in a peer group where they do drink, you get into a whole quagmire of fake IDs, 'friendly' shop keepers, parents who provide drink (and there are plenty who do, and for much younger) kids who pinch drink from home etc. etc.
FWIW mine had a friendly shop keeper who wouldn't sell them spirits, they bought schnapps/ beer/ cider. TBH if Roger the dealer will sell them £5 wrap of cannabis, you're probably better off sending them off with a four pack of beer and no cash.

bettyberry Sat 19-Sep-15 18:42:55

Part of me is thinking.. if she is drinking it at home and supervised then its better than her getting someone else to buy it for her and they having no idea what or how much is being drunk. she will get someone else to buy it :S

another is thinking you are only encouraging drinking and rule breaking.

FWIW i grew up in a home with an alcoholic and have a pretty good view and relationship with alcohol. I drink once every few weeks although I did do the typical teen drinking from 17-18 but I had moved out of home far earlier than that.

I think your friend needs to accept she will drink regardless of how she gets it and needs to put down some very clear rules and expectations. The pros and cons inc all the scary risks like drink spiking, unprotected sex and impaired ability to look after herself.

As for buying booze that would surely be dependant on how often. Once or twice for an end of year party/birthday is a different kettle of fish to every weekend.

I'd also enquire further as to what her friends are actually drinking and roughly how much. That will be very telling about them, their habits as they will impact the daughter far more. Ie you tend to drink more around people who drink a lot and will they encourage her to drink vodka shots if she has only bought a weak schnapps?

Scobberlotcher Sat 19-Sep-15 18:45:12

I can't speak for anyone else but my assumption that it was on the street/ in parks was based on where the op stated that the child is claiming other parents give their children alcohol to take out with them every weekend.

From that, I saw take out with them=out rather than in the home. Every weekend= unlikely to be birthday bashes every weekend. Plus my own teenage years drinking cider and 20\20 in fields. Back in the days when you'd hang about outside a shop waving cash at strangers who would go in and buy you booze and fags.

My own thoroughly misspent youth is the reason I hazard a guess that the kids are out and about with it. And why I'm so against it. The idea of them ever getting up to a quarter of what I did fills me with horror. grin

Plus, I look back now as an adult at all the danger I put myself in and would never approve of that for a child.

MissTwister Sat 19-Sep-15 18:51:04

My mum used to buy me some alcohol at that age. Of course it was also easier to buy it ourselves too and we'd do so several times a week. Sometimes we'd drink it in a park but mostly it was around someone's house. We never got in trouble, nothing bad ever happened. In fact i had some of the best times of my life with a bottle of cider, some good friends, a kiss with a boy, discovering the world.

I'm quite surprised at some of the reactions here.

Scobberlotcher Sat 19-Sep-15 18:53:16

Well, I shagged a lot of people, and took a lot of drugs so I'm rather more against it.

teenagetantrums Sat 19-Sep-15 18:56:36

I used to buy alcohol for mine from when they were about 15 I think, the odd glass of beer or cider on special occasions, or a few cans to take to a party. I wouldn't but spirits, they are going to drink it anyway let them learn to do it responsibly. Neither of mine have ever had a problem buying alcohol from the shops where I live so I was fighting a losing battle if I said no. they seem at the age of 22 and 18 to drink sensibly don't think it did them any harm. if the demanded though I would say no.

florenceandermintrude Sat 19-Sep-15 19:08:56

When DD was 16 I started to buy alcohol for her - cider/ wine never spirits - for parties. When she was younger we were happy for her to have a drink with us at home.

She has a fairly good attitude to booze. She's just started Uni and said that many her friends who weren't allowed alcohol by their parents are now making up for time at Uni. My DD knew her limits and how to be sensible around alcohol before she left.

Given today's booze culture I think we should be teaching them to drink sensibly at home so they don't go mad and have stomachs pumped and worse when they hit 18 and leave home.

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