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A horrible day...feeling so sad

(10 Posts)
dogdaysareover Fri 18-Sep-15 20:34:45

I feel like a terrible mum. I have DS 4, and DD 11 months, just gone back to work part time. I have been absolutely knackered this week as I am back at work and DD has become really unsettled at night, presumably she is experiencing some anxiety at new childcare arrangements (she will settle with lovely childminder, I am sure, but she has never been away from me). DS I think is probably also struggling. Both have a cold, and when DD has been asleep, DS has kept me awake coughing and spluttering. So, I was at the end of my tether, trying to cram the housework into this morning so that we could have a nice afternoon (today was my day off).

DS finds it very difficult to amuse himself and was following me around whinging saying "Im bored". I started a few games with him and did the whole settle him then wander off, but he is wise to this and followed. DD has just learnt to walk, so I was trying to steer her away from obstacles, whilst doing dishwasher, putting washing on, wiping surfaces...DS still whinging I am booorrrreeed. I snapped. I turned around to poor DS and hissed, from nowhere, well guess what DS? I have been bored for the last four years playing with you, but I've sucked it up and now it's time you did the same. I was mortified with myself. His little face crumpled and I feel so mean and horrible.

To make matters worse we didn't do anything nice this aft, was too knackered to even go to the park. I just put a DVD on, which I don't do very often (not during the day, screen time is usually when I am cooking a meal, so about 4:45) I have given him lots of cuddles and we played a few games altogether before bed, but I still feel awful, like what is the actual point having time off work with them when all I have done is clean the house and snap at them.

Please tell me that this will all work out.

Capewrath Fri 18-Sep-15 20:43:01

Yes of course it will and in all probability he will forget all about it v soon. And both will get used to it and to having a mummy who is happier because she has outside interests. I wish my DM had had a proper job and career.

But, and it is a big but, if your job is really full on, you may need at some stage to consider compromises. Unless you are Mary Poppins and Supermum and Father Christmas combined. Eg a dishwasher or cleaner, or giving up all but essential ironing. I had to do this when DH became ill because otherwise I would be drowning not waving.

QuiteLikely5 Fri 18-Sep-15 21:01:29

It is good for children to be bored. I allow this in my home and more often than not dd will take out a blanket and make a swimming pool!

Don't put too much pressure on yourself you can't entertain them 24/7 so if he wants to follow you just let him.

Other ideas are to offer him a baby wipe and ask him to wipe the doors down! Obv he might not do a good job but it will keep him busy.....

dogdaysareover Fri 18-Sep-15 21:22:03

Thank you of your replies. I do let him get bored, and agree boredom is not a bad thing,but today has really upset me because a. I had promised him we would do something really nice on Friday when he was crying about going to the childminder's on Wednesday and b. I said it with such venom to him and deeply realised the truth of what I said. I have been so bored for so long and it upsets me. I really wanted these years to be the golden age of my life, very hard to admit that they are not. I think this also has a lot to do with DS as all he ever wants to do is play role play games, always the same theme and same storyline. I would dearly love to build lego, do crafts, practise pencil skills, create a pretend shop, whatever. And I have really tried to engage him with so many different activities, but no, he is role play mad And I hate it with a an absolute passion. So, I think today I unwittingly released my utter frustration onto him (don't get me wrong, I have said unkind things before, but never with so much spite).

Any you make a good point Cape, bare minimum needs to be my new motto. Sorry to hear about your partner's illness too. flowers

dogdaysareover Fri 18-Sep-15 21:24:38

And 5, I have tried giving him a cloth, etc and being Jedis cleaning up the Millennium Falcon, but as it is not his storyline he is just not willing to go along with it [hmmm]

dogdaysareover Fri 18-Sep-15 21:24:40

And 5, I have tried giving him a cloth, etc and being Jedis cleaning up the Millennium Falcon, but as it is not his storyline he is just not willing to go along with it [hmmm]

DragonsCanHop Fri 18-Sep-15 21:39:41

Aww, mine are now a lot older so I don't have to pretend to be interested in every Facebook post she finds amusing or sit and listen to every innuendo the pair of them find funny, I can tell them to not bother me or walk away without them caring.

Best news is their favourite play time now is window shopping grin I can do window shopping!

It reads to me like you are a fantastic mum and still worrying about them settling into childcare without a thought of how you are settling back in to work.

I agree with finding things you can drop in the home to make things easier, I have the ironing sent away now - 3 Dc in school shirts, 1 DH in work shirts and me in formal work wear, I don't send jeans or weekend stuff so it works out quite well £1s wise.

4 is a lovely age to get them to do some jobs for a little bit of pocket money to save in his own jar etc I don't think you need any parenting tips from me blush

WicksEnd Fri 18-Sep-15 22:45:15

If you were a terrible mum, you wouldn't be feeling remorseful. God I went to bed remorseful many nights when mine were small. I could have done better, shouldn't have snapped/said XY orZ.
Shit parents don't feel that.
Decent parents make mistakes, learn from them and make up for it.

NegativeIron Sat 19-Sep-15 00:01:31

Have just nc'd.

I'd wanted to be perfect hands on mum. I was sorry I couldn't. And DS did not conform to what I expected. He hated cooking, music, reading, art. He just wanted other children and tv.

I found play deeply boring. I can do it with my god children for a few hours. I loathe more than that. DS got a far better deal with his childminder.

But he got specialness from me, that mother son bond. And no one else can do that but you.

He will be fine. And so will you, but be clear with yourself that you are grieving over an ideal...your sort of parenting is realistic, not Disney, for you. just as your son is real, not the Waltons. And all the better for that.

NegativeIron Sat 19-Sep-15 00:03:27

Ps, if you give us his storyline, the creative skills oh MN will be able to find enough tasks to satisfy him..

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