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Brotherly fighting

3 replies

Rubygillis · 01/09/2015 12:01

I have two DS, aged just 5 and nearly 3. They are close and play together nicely probably 70% of the time, but this is mainly when the younger goes along with what the older wants. DS1 isn't unreasonable, he comes up with fun games and is actually pretty nice, but they do this thing where DS2 will do something DS1 doesn't like, 1 says "stop it" or "not like that" and if DS2 ignores him, he gets walloped by DS1.

I feel like I have tried everything to get DS1 to use words to tell him what he wants or doesn't want but it is having no effect. I've done sending to his room, explaining how DS2 is younger so doesn't always know what he wants, and also that it's fine if DS2 doesn't do what he wants etc. I've tried asking how he would feel if we just whacked him if he didn't do what we wanted.

I need help making DS1 understand that he cannot hit, and that he needs to use words. Help!

I'm an onlyl child so these sibling relationship things don't come naturally to me but I don't want DS1 to be the bad guy but also dont want DS2 to live in fear.

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sarahandchris · 01/09/2015 23:03

My boys were like this when they were younger (13 and 14 now!) I remember how hard it was to deal with and I felt like I was saying the same thing over and over 'no hitting'. If its any consolation, it does gradually get easier as they both get older. I think I ended up separating them (different rooms) for 15 mins or so, when it happened. I know it doesnt help you much when I say 'its just a phase' but it sounds like you're already doing the right thing, so just keep going and it will gradually get less and less...

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BetaTest · 01/09/2015 23:13

We have had an absolute rule since very early in life that our boys never hit each other - not even play fighting allowed.

Instant intervention, no refereeing who did what to who, just separation away from toys for everyone to calm down. It works.

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Rubygillis · 02/09/2015 11:02

Thank you! So it seems like I'm doing the right thing and just have to keep at it.

They are so great when we are out and about, DS1 really looks out for and stands up for (when necessary), DS2 and they love playing together, it's definitely when they are a bit bored or when DS2 doesn't get what DS1 wants him to do, I guess this will get easier as they both grow up.

Thanks again.