Leaving DD at bedtime

(15 Posts)
TheGirlAtTheRockShow Thu 27-Aug-15 19:33:39

On Saturday, DH and I are going to a wedding. 14 month old DD isn't invited, so is being looked after by my parents. All fine, they'll do a great job. The plan was I (and maybe DH) will leave early to get home for DD's bedtime.
She is still BF'd and is fed to sleep. She does take cows milk from a cup at times, but not bed time. Settles at nap time with just a dummy. Never not been fed to sleep at bedtime.
My parents are encouraging us to stay longer at the wedding, and saying they'll do bedtime. Saying she'll have to settle for others at some point.
Am I crazy to not want to do this, to want to be home to feed her? Or is it just me not wanting to let go? DH isn't offering an opinion on the matter so far.

00100001 Thu 27-Aug-15 19:38:47

<clears throat>

<dons blue dress>

<flings arms wide>

let it goooooooo!!!! Let it goooooooo!!!!

* replace it with her grin

boopdoop Thu 27-Aug-15 21:42:08

I have similar issues in 2 weeks, due to be at a wedding, but DS only settles for me. He's a bit older, 17 months, but DH is away 80% of the time and no family around so DS has only ever had me to put him to bed, settle him if he wakes etc. I went out for a coue of hours last night and he woke and was hysterical on DH, but luckily I was on my way back.

I know it's only one night, and he might be upset but ok, but I also don't want to leave him to be upset for his sake more than my mums. I know she'll cope, I just feel bad for him. I would just rather be home and settle him.

But it'll be in the middle of the meal. It's only 20 mins away but will be pretty obvious that I've gone, even if I come back once he's down. If I'm there all I will be thinking about is if he's ok, and waiting to hear from my mum, I won't be enjoying myself. I know one day we'll do this, but for now I'm not sure he's old enough to understand and it's something we've never got him used to as we haven't had the opportunity.

It's really hard isn't it. No advice, just assurance you aren't the only one. I think ultimately you've got to go with your gut feeling.

BathshebaDarkstone Thu 27-Aug-15 21:47:45

I'd come back and BF her, but then I BF'd DS until he was 23 months. smile

FireflyGirl Thu 27-Aug-15 22:18:15

She might just settle for your parents. DS can be a nightmare to get down sometimes, take him to Nana and Grandad's and he goes down like a dream. It's promising she goes down for a nap with just her dummy - she may surprise you.

Can you work to a deadline, ie if she's not asleep by 8.30pm, then you'll go home and feed her. That way you are giving her chance to settle for them but there's the comfort blanket of knowing that she's not going to be awake and miserable all night. Your parents are probably looking forward to giving you a break, and you deserve it!

Ragwort Thu 27-Aug-15 22:24:05

I think you secretly like the fact that 'only you' can settle your child at bed time. Doesn't your husband have any say in the matter?

I would have been very disappointed if my baby only settled for me, although I breast fed, I purposely never breast fed to sleep to be sure that my child's father would be able to put his own child to bed just as much as I could.

Boop - I imagine your DH must be feel quite alienated if he can't settle his own child.

I've said this hundreds of time on Mumsnet, but what happens if you have an emergency, are rushed to hospital or worse. Do you really want your child to be so dependent on you?

TheGirlAtTheRockShow Fri 28-Aug-15 05:00:35

Thanks for your replies.
Ragwort DH can settle her at nap time, but at night all she wants is mummy. She loves her daddy at all other times and he's very much part of the bedtime routine. But she isn't being left with daddy, she's being left with granny and grandad. If it was a case of just me going,and daddy doing bedtime that would be fine.
firefly I like the idea of a deadline, but knowing my luck she'd fall asleep on my way back!
boop nice to know I'm not the only one worrying about this! We've never got DD used to settling for others as we've never needed to. I would be happy to leave DH to do bedtime, but I've always been home so just done it.
I don't know if I'm reluctant because I feel I need to BF her, in which case I need to get over myself and go. I don't want to fall into that trap of doing things because I want to rather than it's best for her.
Or, is it really in DD'S best interest at this age to still have what she knows.
But it's only 1 night, so not going to disrupt things too much.
I guess I feel guilty as I don't have to be away from her, it's for a party, not a hospital trip! I need to get over myself....

Acorncat Fri 28-Aug-15 06:47:54

I'm in a similar situation soon, but it's close enough that I can nip home and feed him and put him to bed then go back to the wedding. I think my DS would settle without me, but it's missing the feed that's the issue because he always has a feed in the evening before bed. I'm sure he'd be fine, but if there's an alternative then I'll take it.

Iggly Fri 28-Aug-15 06:51:43

hmm Ragwort

I breastfed both of mine to sleep but I went out of on occasion from about 12 months so dh could do bedtime (better if I wasn't home at all).
Can you do that? Your child will not be harmed!

ALongTimeComing Fri 28-Aug-15 07:04:19

Ragwort how on earth do you avoid your children falling asleep during a BF?

OP you can only go with what feels right for you. No-one else can make the decision for you. Do you have time for a trial run? I BF too but my baby is a lot younger and I can't yet imagine bedtime without BF!

00100001 Fri 28-Aug-15 07:08:46

She;s goin to have to learn sometime, so why not make it that night??

ArriettyMatilda Fri 28-Aug-15 07:26:19

I kind of disagree with some of the pp she doesn't have to be forced to learn this early any more than being forced to learn to walk or talk. Saying that my I left my dd in a similar situation at 15 months old and was told she cried a bit but eventually went to sleep. My parents and sisters were there with her so I know she was not left alone. I do understand what you mean about leaving her with dh but I am guessing she knows your parents? My dd is now twenty months and still only settled by me at bedtime. But I am going out tonight! I figure once in a while in the grand scheme of things isn't going to harm her, especially when left with people she's knows well.
You can be sure that she eventually will grow out of needing you, but it is entirely down to you if you want to leave her beforehand. I suppose being without you will help her learn to settle without you but it doesn't have to be now, equally as others have said you deserve a break. Sorry I am not sure if I have helped, of I were you I'd stay at the wedding, though I'd ask to be called if dd is upset for long amount of time.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Fri 28-Aug-15 07:30:42

I wish mine would fall asleep during a breast feed! Dd1 never did, DD2 is 7 weeks and is always resolutely wide awake after a feed.
I would go. We had similar at 16 months, she was going through a clingy phase. Granny put her to bed, she was fine, we enjoyed ourselves.

TheGirlAtTheRockShow Fri 28-Aug-15 19:01:49

Thanks for replies!
I think we're going to stick with original plan of me being back for bedtime. I may go back to the wedding after.

boopdoop Fri 28-Aug-15 21:14:13

Ragwart - yeah it's not ideal that DS won't settle on DH, and I do feel bad for DH, but he is home so little (just had a stretch of only being home 12 nights in 11 weeks) so it's kind of understandable that DS only really settled on me. Hoping next time he's around for a bit longer they we can work on helping this.

OP glad you've made a decision, hope you enjoy what of the wedding you make it to.

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