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Power struggles and upset

(2 Posts)
littleraysofsunshine Tue 25-Aug-15 20:02:10

We have three kids, almost 5, 3 & 19months. And the eldest two I'm really having struggles with at the minute. The past two weeks have been so hard. The power struggles, the bed times, the attitudes, yelling all around including me where I've just lost patience, they just seem like they've changed. They ask for stuff constantly but without any please or thank you and we do try to encourage them to be kind with words etc. they have days when they get on but recently it's constant competitions, winding up, name calling, unkindness. I'm worrying even more as primary school starts next week for eldest. She'll be even more influenced by others.

I am expecting our fourth so I'm feeling rubbish but I've still been doing crafts, park etc and I admit I gave been a little snappy at times but it's as if we're all bouncing off one another. I know hormones are in play but I've felt so stressed, upset, cried everyday because I end up feeling so ill and guilty for shouting. We try to parent out kids in a gentle way, but I've yelled so much and I hate myself for it. Bedtime is horrible, we try down time, books, quiet time but trying to see to all three can be tricky, especially as dp has been working away, me doing it alone. And even when he is her it's still ending the day on a bad note as they just get so over tired but won't see that bed time is a positive place.

I know they're close in age but man these past two weeks have really made me feel like such a failure. I spend all my time with them and I know they don't understand it but it's as if they take advantage of my being there and just get bored of me. Daddy comes home and he's fun dad, mum shouts and doesn't play as much she just asks us to tidy together etc. I can see it in my eldests eyes/ body language, we're not as close as we've always been and in so scared she's going to grow to resent me or love me less.

holeinmyheart Tue 25-Aug-15 21:59:22

Gosh you poor thing you are having such a hard time.
It spirals out of control as well. As you lose your rag, the children get worse maybe because they are frightened, but who knows.
What about 'Homestart' this is an organisation that helps families with under fives. They send a helping hand. It is free. Ask to speak to your GP or through him a health visitor.
You need help to get over this bit. I am presuming you have no family close by.
You sound as though you have used everything in the book to make bed time a happier experience. It is so difficult, but if you think about using shouting as a solution, it doesn't really work and it makes you feel bad.
A chart might help. Stars for getting into bed, stars for staying in bed etc etc. a reward at the end of the week.
Could one child watch a programme on your iPad while you get the other two settled.
When mine were obnoxious I used to sing to stop myself from losing it. I would sing a imitation opera Aria. They were usually so astonished that they stopped fighting. Etc.
I used egg timers for teeth brushing. They each had their own.
Sorry I can't be more helpful. You are not a bad Mum at all, you are just tired. Your DCs will not hate you.
You just have to count ten and be as patient as possible. It will pass, honestly, they will grow and get more manageable.
I think things will be better next week when one is missing and you have some time to give the other two. They are all fighting for attention from a really tired Mum.

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