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Parenting disagreement with the ex

(2 Posts)
Torchlight86 Sun 16-Aug-15 11:44:36

Me and my ex have been separated almost 3 years now, we have a 3 year old together and although he treated me appallingly during our relationship have had a pretty good relationship since we split with regards to our son.

We have both started new relationships, I have been seeing someone for about 4 months now, they have not met my son and I do not have any immediate plans for this to happen, I do no see any need to expose him to someone this soon for many different reasons I'm sure most sane people can appreciate

My ex has been seeing a lady for 1 month...and has taken my son and her and her daughter away this weekend while I'm at work. I had a bit of a problem with this and we had a massive argument about it the other day, he just cannot see that it isn't appropriate to be exposing our child to someone you have only just met! A month is way too soon in my opinion, how can you know anything about someone in that short time?

We have both been left feeling bitter and he actually said 'this is what happens when I tell the truth, if I'd just said it was me going away we wouldn't have argued!' That is his attitude to life, if it's easier to lie, then lie!! I know the more I push the issue the more he will push against it!

He has also been pressuring me to let him take our son on holiday abroad which I have totally refused to allow! I do not want to be in a totally different country to my 3 year old child and I believe this is pretty reasonable although he thinks I am being totally unreasonable!

I am one of life's worriers and he seems to think this makes me a worse parent, he said once with regards to them both going camping 'I thought about all the things you were going to ask about safety and made sure I'd covered them before I told you, that's what it's like with you!' As if that's a bad thing? Surely it's sensible to take precautions such as making sure the tent is locked so he can't sneak out at night, I understand the chances of that are slim but what harm can come of covering all bases!!

He is a good father and he does a lot with our son, but I find I am constantly the one who has to just suck it up and suffer while he manages to get what he wants! How can I make him understand that it's too soon for our son to be meeting someone, he has a really bad track record with woman and I know within a few weeks he will be split from this woman and with someone else! I don't want our child thinking this is normal behaviour!! Any advice much appreciated! Thanks

Dina1234 Sun 16-Aug-15 22:54:31

First off it is completely reasonable not to allow your little one overseas without especially considering that the father seems a bit reckless-what if something happened? Healthcare is bad enough in the uk, it could be even worse in other places. As for the boys father introducing the boy to his new girlfriend let me share a personal experience with you. My father was and still is one of the best fathers to have ever graced the face of the earth. I cannot over exaggerate how good a father he has been to me but by his own admission he has always been terrible with women. He was always very open with me probably in an attempt to make me understand that the lack of functionality in my parents' marriage was not my fault. I knew from very early on that my mother was his third wife, when I was about seven he introduced me to his long term girlfriend of sorts (although my parents were still mariied), when I was a teenager he told me point blank that he had never been monogamous with my mother and the list goes on. But I learned the importance of forming meaningful romantic relationships (particularly monogamous ones) from his past and now I am in a really happy faithful marriage that satisfies me completely. Children are just as good at learning the right lessons from bad examples as they are from good ones. After a while your son will see that transient relationships do little to make you happy and he will learn from his father's mistakes and will hopefully be more emotionally mature because of it. So long as you provide him with a sense of emotional stability he will be able to overcome all kinds of emotional difficulty. With the love and support of at least one trusted person children can be surprisingly resilient.

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