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Do I let her cry or always pick her up to comfort her?

(30 Posts)
sarahlou31 Sat 15-Aug-15 17:19:23

My daughter is 5 weeks old and is really fussy in an afternoon. She will play happily in her bouncy chair or play mat and then all of a sudden will start to cry for no apparent reason. Generally I think she's crying because she wants picking up but also specifically by me as the only way to calm her down is by picking her up and rocking her. She doesn't calm down for my husband even when he does exactly the same rocking as me. I've been always comforting her rather than letting her cry but I have tried a couple of times to see if she'll calm herself down but she seems to get more hysterical and I can't bear it do pick her up. Is this ok at this age or should I leave her for longer to see if she'll calm herself down. My gut feeling is she's too young to calm herself down but I've read that much conflicting advice that I don't know what the best thing is to do. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!

TheBookofRuth Sat 15-Aug-15 17:22:57

She's five weeks old. She doesn't even really realise she's not still part of you. Please pick her up when she cries.

neolara Sat 15-Aug-15 17:22:58

Pick her up. She's tiny and can't calm herself down yet. She needs you to help her. Ignore anyone who witters on about about leaving her. That's just mean.

TurnOffTheTv Sat 15-Aug-15 17:23:25

She's absolutely tiny, pick her up and give her some lovely cuddles. You can't spoil a baby with love :-)

scallopsrgreat Sat 15-Aug-15 17:23:43

She won't calm down by herself she's far far too young. You are right she just wants to be with you. Babies need close contact. Trust your instincts x

scallopsrgreat Sat 15-Aug-15 17:24:49

And I don't know who's giving you advice to not pick her up because that is cruel sad

sarahlou31 Sat 15-Aug-15 17:25:10

I'm so glad that those are your responses as that is what I'm doing and what I thought was right but got paranoid I'm doing the wrong thing

Nottalotta Sat 15-Aug-15 17:28:04

Some family members told me I would spoil my son and that I couldn't hold him all the time. He was 4 days old! The MW said not to worry about that sort of thing until they're about 6:months.

Lweji Sat 15-Aug-15 17:28:43

She knows your heartbeat and your smell. Babies need comforting sometimes. And she's calling you the only way she knows.

Ask those who suggest leaving her to cry how they'd feel if they tried to talk to you and you ignored them.

cruikshank Sat 15-Aug-15 17:28:45

Congratulations on your new baby!

I would say, as with most parenting questions, you do what works for you and your child. (That sounds so simple, but it takes a lifetime to learn ime!) So if she stops crying when you pick her up, then I guess that's the right thing to do - she's happy, so you're happy, job done. Five weeks is still really tiny and she won't be anywhere near able to settle herself - she's only just getting used to being outside your body, really, and she needs you so much - you're her conduit to the world, so of course she wants to be with you. All the love and holding and affection that you're giving her is setting her on the path to feeling secure and confident in you, which in turn will allow her, way way down the line, to be confident in herself and independent and securely adjusted. But, that's the long game. In the short term, yes, pick her up.

caravanista13 Sat 15-Aug-15 17:30:56

Try googling the FourthTrimester - so much good sense.

Zeitgeistic Sat 15-Aug-15 17:32:48

Yes pick her up. You're doing exactly the right thing. She's tiny and she wants her mummy.

Goldmandra Sat 15-Aug-15 17:39:09

Ignore any ridiculous "rod for your own back" comments.

My DD2 wasn't able to maintain her own body temperature for a month after she was born. We literally had to hold her against us 24/7 for that time.

When she mature and was able to be put down I thought we'd have a job getting her to settle in her crib but I was wrong. She was perfectly happy to be put down, would go down awake and fall asleep, lie watching me, the trees or the play gym for long periods.

Babies thrive on responsive care. They need it in order for their brains to develop properly. Give her all the cuddles you want to give her and enjoy every single minute. In no time at all, she'll be off to uni like my baby DD1 is about to do smile

Iggi999 Sat 15-Aug-15 17:45:13

Pick her up

cruikshank Sat 15-Aug-15 17:52:05

Sorry, x-posted with you. Definitely trust your instincts and carry on as you are!

As Goldmandra says, the kind of care you are giving her is important for brain development - there have been studies done about this. Babies' brains are not fully developed at birth and the kind of close physical care you are giving her will encourage her neural pathways to form in an optimum way. So, you might feel like all you're doing is standing around and rocking, but actually you are helping another human being's brain to grow. And you can tell that to anyone who chunters on about 'bad habits' or 'spoiling' or any of the rest of that nonsense.

sarahlou31 Sat 15-Aug-15 18:08:54

Thank you for all your responses. I feel so much more reassured. I doubt myself too much and need trust my instinct more!

Roseybee10 Sat 15-Aug-15 19:49:35

Pick her up!!
Buy a sling. Best thing I ever did. Go with your instinct and you'll never go wrong. Baby needs mum xx

lemoncordial Sat 15-Aug-15 20:43:22

Keep on following your instincts. She's so tiny still. I also suggest getting a sling Google sling library plus your local area and get to a sling library if you can. They'll give you advice on slings and you can hire them before you buy.

I still pick my dd up every time she cries and she's 11 months!

Marcipex Sat 15-Aug-15 20:49:35

I'm so glad you're not leaving her to cry.
You won't 'spoil' her. She needs to be near you a lot of the time.
Reassuring her will make her confident in the long term, not reassuring her will make her fearful.
You are her world.

Anticyclone Sat 15-Aug-15 22:06:20

Millions of years of evolution have ensured that your instinct as a mother is finely tuned towards the needs of your new baby. You're doing the right thing. Ignore anything that tries to make to go against that instinct.

Kennington Sat 15-Aug-15 22:21:13

I picked mine up for two years.... Result less crying all along. I assume because she was more secure.

Buglife Sun 16-Aug-15 09:26:49

Defo more time holding than being put down at that age! Always picked DS up at a squeak and basically sat with him on me for weeks. Also regarding the crying, it might be over tiredness, mine stopped just going to sleep himself in the basket at that age but still needed to be asleep after 45-60 mins awake, so needed to be held to do so. I never realised how awfully upset a tired baby could be!

dollydaydream27 Sun 16-Aug-15 09:28:25

Pick her up , follow your instincts, and gut feeling. You will thank yourself for it further down the line .

squizita Sun 16-Aug-15 12:01:04

At 5 weeks YY pick her up! The little mite hasn't grown into her brain yet, she's all instinct and emotion... If you don't go to her, she won't understand or be learning, she'll just be upset.

blushingmare Sun 16-Aug-15 19:44:37

Tbh I still pick my 15 month old up when he cries! It's what I want to do and who cares if other people wouldn't do the same. You do what you think is right for your own children.

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