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My DCs struggling with new baby by a different dad

(3 Posts)
newerdynamic Thu 13-Aug-15 22:24:58

Namechanged for this, sorry there is a bit of background.

So I have 5 DCs with my ex. The eldest doesn't live with us and doesn't want much to do with us. The other 4 live with me and my DH. Their dad has nothing to do with them and hasn't seen them for a couple of years.
They are DD1 (10) DS (6) and DTSs (4).
My DH has raised all my DCs as his own, he has been in the twins life since they were born and all the DCs call him dad.

I had DD2 3 weeks ago. She is DHs first biological child.
During the pregnancy the DCs coped with it okay. They had lots of questions and needed some reassuring but by the end they were excited and really looking forward to it.
They visited us in hospital and they had presents "from her" and they all seemed excited for her to come home.
When we brought her home they had made her banners and posters and they were really happy. And the first week was wonderful.

However now it seems that the novelty has worn off and we are having problems. DD1 is fine.
But they boys are struggling, DS keeps getting really anxious about anything to do with the baby. At first we thought it was just concern and brotherly love but now we are worried that he is too anxious. He is always close to her, checking that she isn't hot or cold or wet and if she cries he gets really worked up and starts begging me to help her. Then he hangs round us until she is "definitely okay"

The DTs are also struggling.
DTS1 gets upset whenever DH tries to do anything with the baby. He screams or cries or just has a full on tantrum. This really upsets DH too because he wants to spend time with his daughter but he feels so guilty because DTS1 gets so upset. It came to a head tonight when I was putting him to bed and I asked him how he was feeling and he said sad because his dad was with the baby and he didn't like it. I asked him why and he said that DH has always been their daddy and now he is the babies too and he doesn't like it. Then he cried himself to sleep.
DH has if anything been spending more time with the DCs so we aren't sure what to do to help him.

DTS2 is okay but he is getting a bit jealous of the baby sometimes and he is struggling because he is very sensitive and he doesn't like the noise of the baby crying.

I am really struggling with it and I am so worried for my DCs, DH is trying really hard to make it work and if anything it's just getting worse.

MrsBojingles Fri 14-Aug-15 09:29:54

I don't have any experience, only have the one DC, but didn't want to read and run.

Do you think this is possibly more about the demands of a newborn as opposed to the fact that she's a half sister? Your older kids presumably had a bit of readjustment when you split with your ex, and whilst your new DH has brought stability to them, the change in the addition of DD could be what's upsetting them?

Again I have no experience, but I'd want to sit down with DTs and explain to them that his Dad still loves him just as much, and maybe try to arrange some good quality time for them with your DH.

Could you ask your HV if there is any support available?

newerdynamic Fri 14-Aug-15 20:23:48

Thank you

I think the demands of a new born may very well be a factor it's hard to tell.

DH is spending as much extra time with them as possible but it's hard to get anymore in because DH is working 8-6 during the week and he then has to try and divide his time between all the DCs.

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