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Clingy climbing toddler rant

(15 Posts)
XIIILC Sat 08-Aug-15 10:47:04

I have a 2 and a half year old and he constantly climbs all over me and clings to me every second of the day. I'm getting so sick of it. I love him to bits but he is so rough. He's very big too, has always been in the 96-99th percentile, he's just solid as anything. I'm covered in bruises and just sore as anything from his climbing. At times he literally jumps on me, kind of like canon ball style into a pool, only on me. He will also stand on the sofa, throw his arms up in the air and just lets himself fall on me. He seems to have no spacial awareness at times and bumps me, headbutts me. Currently my boobs are so sore from him jumping on me that I can't wear a bra, but it hurts not to . If I get up to do something he clings to my leg and stops me doing so. I can't cook or clean or go to the toilet without him screaming for my attention. Then if I do just let him scream while I do something my super annoying neighbours knock on the door to see if everything's okay ( he's a kid, he'll scream, just leave me alone! They once suggested calling a doctor. I have no idea why! My partner is a nurse, I told them that and they huffed at me )

My other half just says ohh its just a phase, its just cuz he loves you it's just cuz he's tired. My son doesn't do it to him at all

slightlyconfused85 Sat 08-Aug-15 11:16:01

That sounds exhausting. My dd is 2.9 and also would like to be with me a lot although doesnt climb. We always say 'you play for 5 minutes with your lego/toys/colours' then mummy or daddy will play with you after we have done x or y' works fine and she is learning some independence. Invite friends round a lot with other kids to play with him? My dd doesn't want to play with me when her friends are there

XIIILC Sat 08-Aug-15 12:24:43

This is going to sound really bad but he has no friends. I have no friends or family, I tried parent toddler groups but I got completely ignored, and I suffer from severe social anxiety so it all just put me right off and I haven't been able to go since. I don't have anyone to help me with it either.

He plays with his cousin from his dad's side who is 10, but has a mental age of about 4 due to autism. I guess he's clingy because of these issues, I feel guilty about it all the time.

I do tell him play for a bit and I'll come join in a minute after such and such but it doesn't always work. Today in particular has bee n a difficult one

dickiedavisthunderthighs Sat 08-Aug-15 12:32:30

I really feel for you. Perhaps the best bet would be to look into nursery for maybe a couple of half days a week. He will learn some social skills and become more aware that there are other people than you around. You will also get a much needed break.

XIIILC Sat 08-Aug-15 12:53:03

Would love to get him to nursery but we cant afford it. I'm hoping that once I manage to get back to work we can try to find the money but I'm not convinced. It's taking me ages to find anything

addictedtosugar Sat 08-Aug-15 12:58:15

I still feel like a climbing frame some days.
We have used gentle hands as a reminder, along with asking if they like being hurt, so why do they do things that hurt Mummy.
There are also some days I just have had enough of being cuddled and mauled, and I tell them in need Mummy space. But also give them cuddles even if they haven't asked for them.

PinPon Sat 08-Aug-15 13:03:07

How about playgroups? That might be a more cost effective way to get him interaction with other kids of his age. Or just getting out and about? My DC love climbing on me at home, but prefer flinging themselves around a play park or running on a beach. I

DeladionInch Sat 08-Aug-15 13:23:48

I found you need to become a "familiar face" at local stay and play sessions. I had to have been 3-4 times before anyone approached. Sure start and "professional" church ones (united reform, baptist etc where they have an outreach worker) ones are better because there's an official person in charge looking out for spare gods.

You'll be eligible for nursery funding from Easter (?) next year, can you cut back till then to send him one morning a week? Early Christmas or birthday present from family even?!

Otherwise just keep going with "kind hands" reminders; make sure there's a consequence (eg you leave the room for a minute) for being rough but a huuuuuuuge amount of praise when he's gentle. Even if the gentle is relative for the first few days!

Ds is 2y9m and star charts work, especially if there's a Thomas magazine in it for him (for a week's worth), or a milky way star (for a morning)

teacher54321 Sat 08-Aug-15 15:38:07

Ds does this to me, to a slightly less extreme level he's now 3.4. He doesn't do it to dh or anyone else and is completely gentle and lovely at nursery and with other children. It's just he needs this intense physical relationship with me, constantly blowing raspberries on me/trying to get to my tummy/jumping on me etc. it is particularly bad at bedtime or when he's overexcited. I just repeat and model gentle hands but don't have any good advice I'm afraid. hmm

slightlyconfused85 Sun 09-Aug-15 06:58:19

Sorry to hear that you suffer social anxiety. It would do you and your ds the world of good for him to know someone else- it might help him to channel his energy elsewhere. Have you tried your local mumsnet page? Or the children's centre groups are free and often have a wide range of figferent people there who you might gel with. It's tough but agree with pp that you need to become a regular adds times before people start chatting a bit.

paxtecum Sun 09-Aug-15 07:16:14

I think all toddler groups should delegate a couple of friendly people to chat to newcomers. I been the new person who everyone ignores and it is horrible.

Booboostwo Sun 09-Aug-15 07:17:09

It's very difficult when they are clingey!

Are you getting enough chances to help him expend energy? Do you go out a couple of times a day, encourage him to run, climb, scream (within reason) and generally have fun in a physically active age?

I think he is old enough now to start understanding being gentle with you. Can you find alternative cuddles that are more gentle and substitute them for the rough ones?

purplemurple1 Sun 09-Aug-15 07:24:21

Mines like this we have a few approaches. A mattress on the floor so he can jump around by himself and going out for a walk every day (him walking that is). Reading books together as then he has to sit calmly. Teaching him 'gentle' esp when playing with his little sis. And giving him jobs to do while in doing things so I can actually get on with things. So he helps take things to the dinner table, puts washing in the basket, fetches his shoes and coat to go out etc.

MiaowTheCat Sun 09-Aug-15 10:16:42

We can't afford nursery sessions - but I found a fantastic little charitable-run preschool that's much more affordable (worked out at something like £7 a session) and it really helped channel DD1 when she was going through this.

I also hate formal toddler groups - but I find the pop in and play sessions at our local children's centre tolerable.

It's the fact they seem to suddenly have a million extra elbows, knees and assorted bony bits that always gets me!

DangerGrouse Sun 09-Aug-15 18:47:47

What do you do when he hurts you? It's important to always say 'ow!!!' and look upset and hurt when your child (or anyone!!!) hurts you. Or how will they know? It sets their moral compass and shocks them into stopping their current behaviour.
Make it loud enough for him to react and makes sure he sees you look upset. It's a powerful lesson and shouldn't take long for him to stop if you are consistent.

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