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Anxious about leaving DD overnight

(11 Posts)
ginzillas Mon 03-Aug-15 22:19:35

I'm seven months pregnant. To 'prepare' DD for when I go into hospital to have the baby, my mum persuaded me that it would be a good idea for DH and I to leave her overnight this weekend. My parents are coming to stay in our house and DH and I are going to stay in a hotel an hour away. I'm feeling anxious because I've never left her and she still has a bf at night to get to sleep. She also often sleeps in our bed. I feel that neither of us are ready for a night apart. I do see my mum's point that DD needs to be somehow prepared for me being away from her for a night or two when the new baby arrives. But I'm dreading this weekend and want to cancel. Am I being stupid?

ginzillas Mon 03-Aug-15 22:20:27

DD is three by the way.

Nel1975 Mon 03-Aug-15 22:27:07

No your not being stupid, but it will probably been good for your DD. My DD was 2 when I had DS and she had a couple of nights with her grandmother in the months leading up to his birth. She was breastfed at that stage too but settled fine without it. Hope you manage to have a relaxing night away.

carriebrody Mon 03-Aug-15 22:27:37

Yes, you're being silly. You can't spring her first night away on her the day you give birth!

Nel1975 Mon 03-Aug-15 22:27:37

No your not being stupid, but it will probably been good for your DD. My DD was 2 when I had DS and she had a couple of nights with her grandmother in the months leading up to his birth. She was breastfed at that stage too but settled fine without it. Hope you manage to have a relaxing night away.

Nel1975 Mon 03-Aug-15 22:28:08

No your not being stupid, but it will probably been good for your DD. My DD was 2 when I had DS and she had a couple of nights with her grandmother in the months leading up to his birth. She was breastfed at that stage too but settled fine without it. Hope you manage to have a relaxing night away.

ginzillas Mon 03-Aug-15 22:31:46

I don't think it will be relaxing as I'll be fretting about her. I told her that Granny and Grandpa were coming to look after her this weekend and she started shouting 'No!' So that made me feel even worse.

Roseybee10 Mon 03-Aug-15 22:33:35

I think it would be a good idea tbh. I would try and leave her a few times before you have the new baby.
If the first time she's away from you overnight you then appear back with a new baby it might be too much all at once if you know what I mean.

Do your parents stay nearby? My mum stays just up the road so she had taken dd1 overnight before dd2 was born. We hadn't left her for ages though as we hadn't had any reason to (no nights out and I didn't feel like having a night away with hubby when pregnant) so it had been about 8 months since she'd stayed overnight somewhere else. My mum took her twice in the two months before dd2 was due and we made it a big thing and exciting for her going for a girly sleepover with gran etc.

Do you think she'll struggle or do you think you'll struggle more if you know what I mean? Remember your hormones are all over the place just now too. I found I was much more protective over dd1 when pregnant as my maternal instinct kicked up a few notches more than usual and I basically had her wrapped around me most of the time (she was 2.5 when dd2 was born).

I know it's a huge deal if youve never left her for a night but it might be better to bite the bullet and get it over with. You really don't want to be worried about her settling for the first time while you're in labour.
You also may really need the break when the baby is born, especially if you're still co sleeping at times with older child. My mum took dd1 overnight a couple of times in the two months after dd2 was born just to give us all a bit of a break and for dd1 to get all the attention on her etc. my mum also came down a lot to help with the baby so I could have time with dd1.
Dd1 is actually going for a sleepover this week with my mum because she asked to lol. She loves going to my mum's as she gets a special bed and pancakes for breakfast. Could your mum do something that's just 'their thing' like that?

Hope you're ok. I found the whole baby with toddler thing so daunting as I was terrified of how it would affect dd1 but she absolutely idolises her little sister and they're inseparable now after six months.

ginzillas Mon 03-Aug-15 22:38:15

That's lovely rosey. Thank you for the advice. My parents live four hours drive away which is why DD has never done the sleepover thing with them. She loves spending time with them but I'm always there. My maternal instinct for her has kicked in big time, as you describe. I'm finding it hard to even visualise the new baby as my entire focus is on DD. I know it's sensible to plan and prepare her for the birth. But it doesn't help that DH is really reluctant to leave her too.

SaulGood Mon 03-Aug-15 22:42:34

I left dd overnight a couple of times in the run up to having her baby brother as it was highly likely I'd have another emcs and so would be away from her. I knew I couldn't spring it on her at the same time as a new baby. She was also 3. We did lots and lots of prep. We role-played it, talked about it, made it special. She had her own trunki and we packed it together and we chose a special book and on and on and on. In the end, I found it harder than her. She was fine.

I've recently left 3yo ds for the first time overnight and it was a bit harder tbh. He has separation anxiety and while he is getting better all the time, it wasn't easy. We prepared him so well and he was okay with going to bed and actually slept better than at home. However, he was quite unhappy in the morning, anxious and couldn't settle. He was extremely tearful when I phoned and wouldn't leave my side when I got back. He's still asking daily (we went away 3 weeks ago) if I will promise never to go away overnight again. We're going back to letting grandparents settle him in bed while we go out for the evening and telling him we'll be back while he's asleep. Then when he's less anxious, we'll try overnight with us coming back early in the morning, then extend it. You could always do it that way too? Work on the settling a couple of times before doing the full overnight?

ginzillas Mon 03-Aug-15 22:59:59

Thanks saul. Sorry to hear your DS struggled. That must have been tough. As my parents don't live close this weekend is our only opportunity to practice. It's all or nothing really! So hard.

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