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clingy baby - is it ok to go away for the weekend at all/one night/two nights?

(61 Posts)
cantbelieveimonhere Sat 01-Aug-15 22:35:12

This is a cry for advice; particularly if you've been in a similar situation. What decision did you make? How did it work out? Would you do the same again? What would you do in this situation?

DD is 10 months old and has been "clingy" towards me, her Mum, since six and a half months.

Close friend lives in another part of the UK and unable to travel at the minute (not an option, owing to health issues). We had been hoping to meet in person this Autumn. We had thought I might travel to her. This involves a one hour drive to airport, followed by a one and a half hour flight. Owing to availability/dates/flight times etc the options are:

A) Leave Fri evening and return Sun evening. This would involve missing three bedtimes and two full days.(DD used to sometimes DH putting her to bed. That on its own is not an issue) It would mean an extremely long stretch apart. It would give better value for money. It would also give greatest amount of time visiting friend, in return for leaving DD.

B) Leave extremely early Sat AM and return Sun evening. This would involve being away two bedtimes and two full days. I would be up early (3.30am) and so likely be tired most of Sat and ?do away with goodness of even being away and not getting best of time catching up with friend.

Would love to go (dates looking at would be around 11.5 months for DD) but can't decide:
Is it selfish? Should I just stay at home and rely on Skype?
I need a break and it would do me good to have time off from parenting duties?
Just go one night?
Bite the bullet and go for two nights?
What will be the likely impact on DD and our relationship?

Unsure what to do.

ijustwannadance Sat 01-Aug-15 22:42:14

There will be absolutely no impact on you and your DD relationship.
It is ok for you to go for the full 2 days (and thoroughly enjoy being just you for once, in peace) the world wont end, your child wont hate you and your DH will cope.

funchum8am Sat 01-Aug-15 22:43:41

I would go on Friday. You deserve a break. She will be ok!

overthemill Sat 01-Aug-15 22:45:57

Are you leaving her with her dad? If so she will be fine- you may find she cops better than you fear. Even if not, you will come back and she will survive

eurochick Sat 01-Aug-15 22:46:54

Definitely go. Choose whichever option you like. I've had to do a few trips away for work since I went back when she was 6 months old. It us harder on my husband than her. She is fine. She's just over a year now and our relationship has not been impacted!

ijustwannadance Sat 01-Aug-15 22:46:58

And. I went to another country for 3 days when my DD was 18 months. Loved every second of it and she was fine.
Also left her for weekends with grandparents a few times too. Even as a baby.

twentyten Sat 01-Aug-15 22:47:05

Go for two nights! Practice before- get babe used to dh doing bedtimes and hide for a bit!!

Janethegirl Sat 01-Aug-15 22:49:06

If I couldn't take dd with me I wouldn't go, full stop. I would not have left dd at that age for more than 8 hours, sorry if that is not what you wanted to hear.

HeiressesGiltnor Sat 01-Aug-15 22:50:20

Definitely go :-) she needs to get more used to your husband. I think you will be doing them both a favour in a funny sort of way!

cantbelieveimonhere Sat 01-Aug-15 22:53:24

Yes, dd would be left with dh. He works Mon to Fri, so would be off and be available Sat and Sun. One set of grandparents live close enough by, that either party could visit the other on both of the days I would be away. The grandparents have offered to help on both days, as much or a little as dh would like.

Thank you for your honesty Janetthegirl. Is it ok to ask what age your dd is now, andvhave you ever left her overnight now? and if so, what influcenced your decision-making to go?

Janethegirl Sat 01-Aug-15 22:59:02

Dd is now adult and I never left her overnight until she was in her teens.

However I did have good childcare so I could go out in the evenings for several hours but I just never got the need to get away overnight.

Janethegirl Sat 01-Aug-15 23:01:14

She still likes us to be at home when she is though even when she has a house of her own smile

cantbelieveimonhere Sat 01-Aug-15 23:05:56

We don't have anyone at the minute closeby who could do an evening for us. (family live close enough by to come for the day, but it would be too far for just a couple of hours in the evening. Also family members with children/family members getting older would find it tricky leaving late at night). So we've never been out for an evening since baby was born.

I also struggle with knowing when it would be "ok" to leave dd. It's not something there is a general consensus about, there is no rule to follow. I think I read every book going during pregnancy, but when the baby arrives you learn to go by the baby and not necessarily the book! I want her to be strong and independent, but I know she isn't even a year yet!

Janethegirl Sat 01-Aug-15 23:07:51

Can't you take dd with you?

LHReturns Sat 01-Aug-15 23:07:57

Janethegirl, you do realise to never have a night away from your child is unusual, right? Do you think never going away for a break is a good thing for everyone, or just for you specifically? I'm not judging you at all, but I'm keen to know how you view what others do in this regard.

OP go for your 2 nights and have a wonderful time.

SirVixofVixHall Sat 01-Aug-15 23:10:42

I wouldn't have left mine at that age no. Or even quite a lot older. Partly because I was breastfeeding, partly because I didn't want to be separate from my dds when they were tiny for longer than an hour or two, and partly because the thought of an upset baby would have spoiled my night away anyway. Could you just go for the day?

Janethegirl Sat 01-Aug-15 23:13:35

At 10 months my dd was bf so no I would never have left her overnight.

cantbelieveimonhere Sat 01-Aug-15 23:14:00

It wouldn't be restful for friend to have lo around. Please accept friend has health issues she has no issues with liking or being around babies generally.
I do take dd with me everywhere else I go in life.
This aside, I was hoping to get away just myself. For a break. And that's why I feel worried/guilty/upset that maybe it's just selfish to go myself.

Janethegirl Sat 01-Aug-15 23:15:45

I think the first time I left her overnight was for a wedding anniversary concocted by my dh and cm and she was 10.

cantbelieveimonhere Sat 01-Aug-15 23:16:22

I also bf. Dd now weaning and eating solids also. She is more hungry for solids and takes v little milk from me now. If going would leave expressed breast milk to be given in bottle.

cantbelieveimonhere Sat 01-Aug-15 23:17:14

v little milk in comparison when she was exclusively breastfeed, before weaning

CultureSucksDownWords Sat 01-Aug-15 23:18:55

The clinginess might change between now and then. If you're going to go, I would do the full weekend as otherwise it would be a very tiring trip for you. I would also start your DH doing bedtimes on Fri/Sat/Sun nights now so that this has become routine by then.

I don't think it will cause any issues in your relationship with your DD at all. You might find it emotionally difficult to leave her, if you fear she might become very upset. But it won't cause any lasting harm to her or you.

Fwiw, I haven't yet left my DS overnight, he's 3 now. At 11 months, I probably could have done so, but it would have been a bit of a pain logistically as I was breastfeeding him, and so would have to express beforehand and whilst away.

Janethegirl Sat 01-Aug-15 23:21:09

Your choice OP, but I personally couldn't at that age.
Why do you feel the need to go without your dd?

WorkingBling Sat 01-Aug-15 23:21:10

I honestly think only you can decide. I left a very clingy da did two weeks when he was very young and I regret it. However, that was extreme.

You absolutely have the right to have some time off though. So you need to balance it with his you think dd will cope.

cantbelieveimonhere Sat 01-Aug-15 23:25:26

It wouldn't be restful for friend to have lo around. Please accept friend has health issues she has no issues with liking or being around babies generally.
I do take dd with me everywhere else I go in life.
This aside, I was hoping to get away just myself. For a break. And that's why I feel worried/guilty/upset that maybe it's just selfish to go myself.

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