Ok so my abusive ex and his girlfriend (who he cheated on me with and was a married teacher in my sons school) took my kids to a caravan holiday. the kids have told me that they argue all the time, and that their dad has locked her out of the room, grabbed her phone off her, and also slapped her in the jaw. I beleive them as that is exactly the sort of thing he used to do to me. My issue is what to do as I don't want them to not see their dad but also don't want them witnessing things like that anymore (I didn't manage to shield them from seeing him smashing my belongings, blackmailing me, spying on me and punching me in the back) luckily both my sons seem to be realising that he's a bit of a wrongun anyway, and yet It was important to me that I don't stop them seeing him. I had a word with my ex and he didn't bother denying it happened and yet I doubt it's going to change. What would you do? Thanks
Difficult then. They are not old enough to make their own decision on whether or not to keep seeing him. And probably a little young for you to be comfortable encouraging them to make a police report (although that would be the best case scenario).
Mind, this is a child protection issue, because what they are witnessing is DV and that is classed as emotional abuse of children. If they mention this to teachers at school for example, concerns could be passed on. Not about you of course, but about Dad. I think it would be worth seeking professional advice yourself. Only thing is I'm not sure where you would look for that advice. It might be worth reposting on Relationships to ask? I'd imagine you're either looking at a lawyer/solicitor, social services or NSPCC, or a DV worker from women's aid or your local police department. But I don't know which of those three options is the most appropriate. I'm afraid it's a bit past the point where you want to insist on them seeing him, because they're actually being emotionally harmed by witnessing this stuff, so it's out of your hands.
(I mean, I doubt that whatever agency which gets involved is going to stop contact immediately anyway, it might become supervised perhaps, or they might do nothing, but in any case I do think it needs to go higher at this point.)