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Offshore/oil rig wives

(11 Posts)
Haylzey86 Sat 01-Aug-15 20:30:02

Does anybody's partners work away from home? How do you find it being alone with little ones, easier or harder? My partner works 4 on 4 off.

Griffomais Sat 01-Aug-15 20:48:44

Hi Haylzey my DH works 3 on 3 off and I find it hard we have a 20 month old and I'm 19 weeks with DC2. I get a bit stressed depending on whether DD is teething, off colour etc and I find it hard having no one to share the load with and it can be a bit lonely. How do you get on with ur DH bring away how many DCs do u have?

Butler4 Sun 02-Aug-15 11:12:50

Dc 1 is 4 and a half weeks and dh goes away to work in a couple of weeks. First time he is only away for a week but then goes back to his normal shift pattern of 3 on 3 off. I have been dreading it the last 4 weeks and really worrying about how I will cope so would love some tips from you ladies.
I'm sure I will just get on with it but dreading the first 3 week trip.

boopdoop Sun 02-Aug-15 17:29:26

My DH does a different job, but it's one where he is away more than he's home. He went back to it when DS was 4 weeks, and I was really dreading it. (DS is now 16 months) He's usually only away a week at a time, but then often is only back for a day before going away again, and has just done a 11 week stretch where he was only home for 12 days in those 11 weeks. So I know what it's like. I also don't have any family around, they all live several hours away.

I found that once I got over the initial few days, we actually settled into an ok routine, which worked. It changed when DH was home, but it made it manageable, and was less horrific than I thought it would be!

I tried to make sure I saw someone everyday, meeting antenatal group friends, or even going an meeting old work colleagues for lunch. Anything to make sure I saw and talked to another adult sometime in the day!

Being organised too. The first night I got to 4am and I hadn't eaten tea, still had makeup on and was in that days clothes... So I learnt I needed to make sure I had enough meals in the freezer for when he went away, making sure we cooked extra portions when he was home. Bought loads of microwave rice packets, and lived on stuff I could heat up in a few mins when DS fell asleep. I also made sure I was in pjs and makeup off etc late afternoon / early eve so I could just climb into bed whenever I got the opportunity.

If you can afford it, get a cleaner! Or just accept that you can only have two of the following three: sanity / happy child / clean house!!!!

And having a couple of mates that you can call on who can come and just hold DS whilst you eat or whatever if you are having a really really crap day.

I found it hard not to be resentful of friends who had DP who came home every evening. They always would say they didn't know how I coped, and I'd be all "oh it's fine".... And often it was... It really hasn't been as bad as I thought it might be. And it does get easier when they are a bit older and can play a bit on their own.

Griffomais Sun 02-Aug-15 17:34:39

Hi Butler it is difficult but not always - my DD has just started having tantrums and got final teeth starting to come through so quite often her mood affects my mood if you know what I mean. I think because I'm pregnant as well it's adding to the pressure. I'd recommend accepting any help that is offered by family & friends and try and get a little time to yourself it really helps keep you sane. I have a strict routine and I don't deviate from it while DH is away. I try to arrange as many things as possible to fill the time while he is away - like inviting other friends with kids round or going to visit them, perhaps inviting a friend for tea once DD is in bed a bit of adult company really helps once a week. Things can be a bit strained when DH comes back because you're both exhausted for different reasons. But it's just a way of life and it becomes normal after a while. Hope this helps a bit.

Butler4 Mon 03-Aug-15 22:42:03

Thanks ladies. I'm trying not to think too much about it just now and taking each day as it comes. Think we may have a few unwashed days and pyjama days! Haha

Haylzey86 Tue 04-Aug-15 00:01:43

I thought it would get easier but it doesn't :/ went into the relationship with him doing this job just find it harder now him being away from Our little man.
In regards to coping living basically as a single parent I'm finding that a breeze! I get a great routine set up but it all goes crazy once my partner gets home lol!
Our little one is almost 2 now and starting with the tantrums and I find we're starting to disagree on parenting now though. I get used to doing things my way then my partner comes home and does things different. Finding that balance is getting harder!
He's a great hands on dad and my son idolises him already.
How about the work situation! Have you gone back to work yet? Do you struggle with childcare?
My previous job required me to work late and weekends which is impossible for me when my partners at work and we get very little help with childcare. I want to be a teaching assistant eventually and I think it'll work out great with my partners job. He doesn't understand sometimes how much I've had to change my life to accommodate his with his job

Butler4 Tue 04-Aug-15 20:11:24

Yeah I think that will be hard, getting into different routines when they are home and away. I'll be going back to work part time so will need to wait and see what we are going to do about childcare. Probably family doing a day a week with the possibility of a nursery or child minder one day for 3 weeks at a time. We haven't looked into it yet though. Nice to have others in similar situation. Quite daunting though as I haven't been by myself yet. Eek

roysilsuti1987 Thu 05-May-16 05:59:52

Oh, hi there! My husband in the offshore services industry too. He works 3 on 3. It’s quite hard especially since we have a 1-year old daughter and I still have work. But we make it work somehow.

Daisyandbabies Thu 05-May-16 07:42:42

My parter isn't based off shore but his job requires it sometimes. He's on a 5 week rig trip right now. Worst part is, he doesn't get any time off when he's home, it's work as normal the next day.
I don't cope very well, to be honest. I hate it

readyforno2 Thu 05-May-16 08:00:42

Hi op, my dh worked offshore in Africa. Did 4 on 4 off, (he's not been away since October due to oil costs plummeting) it was pretty hard going.
My ds2 was born and dh had to leave 4 days later. God knows how I got through that.
I always used to find the transition period the most difficult, so the first couple of days of him being away but also the first couple of days of him being home too!

As for work, I work in a preschool which luckily is a term time position and meant I didn't have to juggle everything when he was away (ds1 is 9) I really understand how you feel about your life changing so much with him being away. For me it was the little things, like having to be so organised. Making sure you had enough milk for breakfast the next day because come 7 o'clock when the dc are in bed you can't nip round to the shop.

The other thing I always used to find difficult was other people's reactions
"oh you must be loaded, him working away all the time"
I'm not denying it is a well paid job, but when they are home they don't get paid so it does even out.

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