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Feeling like a terrible mum.(7 Posts)
Today's been a difficult day, DD2 had her first injections yesterday so she's been grizzly and hasn't napped well. She was crying a lot whilst I was trying to sort out dinner and there was a lot of running back and forth, my stress levels escalated and I ended up shouting at DD1 when she didn't deserve it, not that she ever really does anything that warrants being shouted at, it upset her. I apologised and told her I didn't mean it and that I loved her very much, she seemed to have forgotten about the whole thing but I still feel rotten about it now. Especially as I've just read an article about how damaging shouting can be, I keep worrying that I've hurt DD1's development in some way
Of course you haven't damaged her. You've taught her that when we are stressed we sometimes shout by mistake, but that getting angry isn't a very good way of dealing with things and so we apologise to the other person and ask them to forgive us and we try very hard not to get angry like that again.
Sorry for patronising explanation but that's what I say to DD on the odd occasion I lose my cool!
We're all human. It's as important as anything for our DC to know that, and to know that even their role models make mistakes sometimes.
You love her dearly. She clearly knows this. She's forgiven you just as you would have forgiven her. Sounds to me like you're doing a wonderful job OP.
That's really what I needed to hear/read to be honest. I have shouted at her on occasion in the past and felt exactly the same as I do now, just every now and then I lose it. I'm not proud of it and I hate myself afterwards. But like you say we're all human, and all we can do is try and do better next time.
FWIW I'm very into loving parenting ("Why Love Matters", aha parenting website etc etc) so I always feel utterly shit if I snap and shout. But at the same time I know that my post above is absolutely true- the occasional moment of human frailty doesn't cancel out the overwhelming sense of love and security they get from us . That's what's important.
That's very true. I think in most cases it only becomes a problem if it turns into an every day thing. I used to have a neighbour who seemed to spend her life shouting at her kids (she would have her back door open most of the time so we'd hear even if ours was shut). It never got her anywhere, I always felt sorry for the kids have to endure it day in day out. I can honestly say I'll never let myself get to that point.
What diggum said.
I find some books emphasise growing an open, emotional human ... who will become a guilt ridden robot when they have kids, guilty/scared of "damage" all the time. Everyone in a family is a person with feelings. Everyone will feel the strain at times.
Children do need awareness that adults (parents, teachers, play workers...) are people and make mistakes - and can have their feelings hurt. It's really important in fact.
Oh also it's ok for everyone
women and mums too to feel anger.
Anger isn't bad. It can lead to mistakes, and of course needs channelling and managing ... bit although this might sound picky, always focus on the behaviour (I'm sorry I yelled and scared you, I should have told you in a nicer way I was feeling bad) rather than implying the emotion was inappropriate (sorry I was angry).
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