Easier second time around?

[bobbyboblet]

Hi there ladies,

I was just wondering whether any of you had experienced an 'easier' time with your second (or subsequent) child/children?

I love my son dearly, he is my world, but boy is he hard work to look after. He doesn't sleep well, doesn't eat well and is somehow always on the go. He has well and truly broken my husband and I.

We would love to have another child and give our son a sibling (he adores his cousins and pretty much any other baby he meets) but we are so put off with how tough we find absolutely everything (and always have). We literally have no energy left. Everything seems to be such a huge monumental effort for us but it appears to us that others have it so much easier with their children. Could it be that we just have a particularly demanding child or are we just pathetic light weights? What are your experiences? I'd love to hear from you!

Thanks in advance,
:) xXx

[wickedwaterwitch]

1st was tough
2nd was easy peasy

Just different children, different temperaments plus we had experience 2nd time around

[wickedwaterwitch]

What is it you find hard, particularly?

[Wolfiefan]

1st was very ill at one point and bouncing off the walls on steroids! Soooooo exhausting.
2nd totally different. Not easy but infinitely easier! Plus she's entertained by a quite a bit older sibling.

[OldBeanbagz]

I think it depends on the child.

I found my first one an easy baby and she's now a relatively easy-going though occasionally stroppy teenager.

My second was a nightmare of a non-sleeping/eating baby who's now a delightful 10 year old who still doesn't sleep or eat much and who has bundles of energy.

[bobbyboblet]

wickedwaterwitch Most things to be honest but the worst things are probably the not eating or sleeping well issues. We dread mealtimes and bedtimes due to battle we have :(

[wickedwaterwitch]

Lack of sleep makes everything worse, can you try to crack that first?

[wickedwaterwitch]

And how old is your child?

[FATEdestiny]

There will be exceptions to the rule, but as a general average your first born will be the hardest work because

(a) You have only just started on that steep learning curve that is parenthood with your PFB
(b) It is not unusual for those pregnant with their first to have wholly unrealistic expectations of the first year. Your expectations with your second born will be very different.
(c) Because of (b) you will be more inclined to embrace the things perceived to be lazy parenting. Things like dummies, enforced naps, teaching settling to sleep early.
(d) Babies tend to thrive on shared attention rather than sole attention.

In terms of easiness, with mine:

DC1 - Nightmare. Typical PFB
DC2 - Much easier. But I swung too far the other way in my parenting style
DC3 - Easiest by far.
DC4 - Not difficult at all, but not as "easy" as 2 or 3. Mainly because I am keeping her close because she's my last. I'm fine with that though.

While I do believe that children are all different and have different personalities (they do), the nurture aspect of how you parent is equally important IMO.

DC1 and DC4 (both girls, as it happens) are very similar in their personalities. But DC4 is far easier to parent simply because I know what I'm doing this time around in a way I didn't with my first.

Likewise DC2 and DC3 (both boys) are also very similar, laid back to their highly strung sisters. However Dc3 was very much easier to parent. Again I think this comes down solely to the fact that I have more tools and techniques to use when parenting my third child, compared to my second child.

[plummyjam]

It's early days yet but I have a 6 week old and a 2.5 year old and so far have been surprised by how much easier it is second time round.

Feeding got going straight away and although DD2 wakes every couple of hours I'm used to it as DD1 was such a crap sleeper. I thought we'd be stuck in a lot as getting out with one child was hard enough but actually we go out every day.

I find the baby stage really boring so it's nice to get a bit of company from DD1. I'd go so far as to say that so far having 2dc isn't that much harder work than having one.

[BotBotticelli]

How old is your son OP? I found ds1 dreadfully hard work every day until he turned 20 months old ad suddenly started speaking in sentences! He becAme SO much easier to deal with once he could make his needs/wants known!!

And then I got pregnant within another of trying and am now 40+3 with ds2 (ds1 is 2y8mo), despite having spent well over a year saying "NEVER AGAIN"...!