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Transition from sole- to co-parenting at weekends - does anyone else find it hard?

(12 Posts)
uppereastsidemom Sun 26-Jul-15 03:28:22

DH works long hours, and while he has been coign home each evening to help with bedtime (DD1 2.5 years and DD2 11 weeks - I am very grateful!) he doesn't have anything to do with the running of 'the house' day to day during the week, which is fine; I am at home full-time at the moment, although definitely not forever smile.

I have developed a fairly tight routine that works really well day to day that ensures all are entertained and fed, and limits meltdowns and tantrums on the part of DD1 and me grin.

However. I really struggle with the transition to 'joint parenting' at weekends. Come Saturday morning, it feels as though my smooth-running machine is thrown into chaos. From waking, DH faffs around, deciding to make elaborate breakfasts for DD1 even though we are trying to get out the door to various aactivities; taking ages in the shower despite knowing that DD2 needs to nap in our bedroom if we are staying in; etc etc.... the common denominator being that DH doesn't get that certain things need to get done if thing are going to run smoothly.

DD1 is crying out to be potty trained, but although I have found that I physically can't do this and look after the baby during the week, DH is unwilling to stay in over a weekend to train her. And while I look forward to having him around each weekend, invariably I end up nagging and nagging and nagging him.... which I feel awful about. Saturday mornings have ended up in a huge row for the last few weeks. Am I the only one who struggles with this transition?

Roseybee10 Sun 26-Jul-15 09:00:16

YES!!
By 7pm on a Sunday I'm begging him to go back to work. The baby's feeds and naps end up all over the place, my house is a tip and everything is out of whack!!

Tadpoletoatoad Sun 26-Jul-15 09:05:52

So glad I'm not the only one! Dh has been away all weekend and it's like a well oiled cog here. Chaos will resume when he returns later as all structure goes out the window sad

Oly4 Sun 26-Jul-15 09:08:30

No, I love my DH being around at the weekend, even if it is more chaotic and stuff doesn't get done. This is family life, he's their dad. Come on, is it really the end of the world if he wants to make them elaborate breakfasts or if the naps happen at slightly different times?
Sounds like you need to relax.
If you don't, you may end up alienating him and he may start to feel although it's you three in one corner and him in the other.
Napping/the kids being so full on is only for a short time in the grand scheme of things. Do you really want to look back and think you spent that time arguing... Or do you want to
Laugh with the kids about how dad used to make fancy breakfasts?
I think you should chill ��

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Sun 26-Jul-15 09:13:53

Used to drive me crackers, how can it be harder with an extra pair of hands? My DH would decide he was in charge whens hes at home..i suggested i turn up at his work and start bossing him about. It does get better, they just need training,

Tournesol Sun 26-Jul-15 09:17:10

I used to feel like this when we just had one DC, I was really uptight about routine and everything going to 'plan'.

Then I read loads of advice on here about letting Dads have their own relationship with DC and not micro managing everything.

We now have three DC and DH often looks after the kids alone on a Saturday while I work. This has been great for everyone as he has been able to create his own parenting style without me breathing down his neck.

I am not perfect and still sometimes get rushes of being a parenting control freak but in general I have learnt that the world does not end if I let go a bit and things are done differently and it has really reduced the rows I have with DH.

My advice would be to chill out a bit and give your DH a chance to parent too.

purplemunkey Sun 26-Jul-15 09:37:51

I only have one DC, 8.5 months so don't know what it's like to juggle a baby and a toddler but I also like when DP is home.

I get what you mean, I have a loose routine we follow when it's just me and DD that seems to go out of the window at weekends but I'm quite self aware that I'm clock watching and thinking she should be napping/eating/feeding now when I really don't need to be. So her lunch is an hour later or her afternoon nap doesn't happen til 4:30, so what? I've learned it's better for us to just go with the flow when we're all home, otherwise I'm just being snippy all weekend because we're not on my schedule. It's more fun for everyone if I'm a bit more relaxed about it IME.

Buglife Sun 26-Jul-15 13:04:28

I've learned to let it go as I was finding we weren't doing anything fun together at the weekend as it was just DH watching me do things or it was me handing all the baby tasks tonDH but unable to rest or relax because I ended up intervening in what he was doing. Now DS is older (11.5 months) I accept that weekends are different! I'll happily hand him to DS and they go out for a few hours and God knows what they do. I let DH feed him weird breakfasts and dress him in strange outfits. I still have a rule that I prefer DS to have a cot nap before we go out but if there is something really fun to do he can nap a bit in his buggy. When I realised that regardless what I did DS behaved differently at weekends anyway (more visitors, both parents here, very excited baby!) I went with it. As I've recently gone back to work and he's at nursery two days a week his routine is altered anyway and he's been fine with it, he still naps the same for me and he's happy. I think letting the working parent have more hands on input at the weekends can be a good thing for everyone!

fourlegstwolegs Wed 29-Jul-15 12:13:10

No I love it, I feel so lonely and tired during the week that it's lovely to share the supervision/nappy changing/playing with DS (2.5) at weekends. Yes my DP is messy but I don't care, I'd rather have the help and companionship.
He is on side re schedules though, which probably helps.

Haylzey86 Sat 01-Aug-15 20:27:11

My partner works away from home for a month then comes home for a month through out the year. I find this difficult. When he goes away it takes the first week to get into a nice routine then the rest of the month is great I can keep on top of jobs and keep lo in a nice routine. When my partner gets home it's chaos! Routine is thrown I find it hard to keep up with chores etc and we sometimes disagree with parenting, I'll tell him how I've been doing things and he sometimes takes offence thinking I'm telling him how to be a dad. It can be really testing on us but by the end of his time off we're agreeing on stuff but then he goes back to work and that cycle starts again!!!!

LHReturns Sat 01-Aug-15 23:02:37

Oh god yes OP...I feel exactly the same....there is the weekend disorganisation PLUS my worry that DP has a nice time with our son, as he doesn't see him much during the week. Yes, it is fun family time but I am also a basket case by Sunday night. I bite my tongue all weekend so I don't start sounding like an old fish wife (NOOOO, that table is NOT clean, get out of my way I will do it!!).

He also puts our son in silly outfits on the weekend...I think my DP is colourblind.

Oly4 Sun 02-Aug-15 21:46:53

Your partner sounds a great dad LH ��

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