People putting fingers in my baby's mouth

[sarah00001]

Hi, I have a beautiful 2 week old daughter conceived through IVF after years of heartbreaking infertility, who I'm besotted with.

This evening, my neighbour came round and held my baby. She rubbed her hands with anti bacterial gel before picking her up which was considerate of her, but then, before the gel had even had chance to dry, stuck her finger in my baby's mouth. My baby clearly didn't like the taste of anti bac gel in her mouth and looked like she wanted to be sick! I immediately asked her politely not to do it and she laughed it off saying I was worrying over nothing.

Is it just me, or does anyone else think it's wrong to put your finger in someone else's baby's mouth? I'd never do it myself. It's worried me all night knowing my baby has had anti bac gel in her mouth with all the chemicals it contains.

My neighbour is also a heavy smoker and always reeks of cigarettes and I just don't feel comfortable with her holding her stinking of fags.

Thanks, Sarah

[CultureSucksDownWords]

of course its not ok, but more serious is the cigarette smoke. I wouldn't let her hold the baby unless she's changed her clothes since smoking and washed her hands properly. In fact, dismissing your concern by telling you that you're worrying over nothing would be enough to tell her to sod off if she asks again! I would steer clear of this neighbour for a while I think, and say "no" if she asks again, no need to explain why.

[mojo17]

Stick your (fresh from nappy changing) shitty fingers in her mouth
She wouldn't like that would she
Stand your ground

[NickyEds]

Urgh! Who randomly shoves their fingers in baby's mouths??? Of course you're right fingers are filthy (a smokers fingers would be nowhere near my baby) and anti bac gel tastes horrid. She should also be more respectful of you as a mum- what you say goes. End of.

[glowfrog]

What everyone else is saying!! Even after washing her hands - she has no business sticking her fingers in your baby's mouth.

If you're worried about offending her, there are several things you could say...

"I'm sorry, she just settled down so I'd rather not pass her over to someone else" (whether you're holding her or not)

"She's had a cough and Midwife has said baby should be kept away from anything that's been exposed to tobacco."

Does your neighbour know about what you've had to go through for your baby? Tbh you'd be within your rights to tell her to get lost even if you'd got pregnant first time but if she knew maybe she'd be more sensitive.

[MoiraBrown101]

I'm horrified that she thinks it's ok to stick her finger in your babies mouth! Who does that? What possible reason could she have for doing it?? And a smoker too, so exposing your baby to all sorts and dismissing your concerns! She wouldn't even be seeing the baby again if that was me, let alone holding her!

My DS is 9 weeks old and, apart from when the paediatrician checked his sucking reflex in hospital, no ones fingers are allowed in his mouth!

[eurochick]

Eugh no. No, fingers in mouths. There's no need for it. And I'd be very reticent about letting a smoker hold my baby. Have a look at third hand smoke info.

[tatumsfunkychicken]

I have friends who do that. "Feel baby Oscar's tooth coming through..." No, just no. It's all shades of wrong. And clearly babies don't like it, it's an invasion of privacy.

[howtorebuild]

She sounds quite nasty. I would save and avoid her in future.

[GreyAndGoldInTheMeadow]

I wouldn't spend any more time worrying about the gel, it's not nice but it won't have done her any harm. Very odd thing for her to do, can't see a reason for it. I'd suggest firmly telling her not to as the baby doesn't like it.

[EeekEeekEeekEeek]

I wouldn't be happy with it, and I'm pretty relaxed on the subject of bacteria. Sometimes cleanliness is really important, and things going into an newborn's mouth is one of those times. Plus poor baby, she shouldn't have gross-tasting fingers stuck in her mouth.

I wouldn't fret about it too much once it's happened, but you're right not to want it to happen again!

[OhItsYouAgain]

OP, she's out of order doing that to your dd especially because she's a smoker. I also hate people letting my dd put her fingers in their mouths as she'll then put them in her own!!!

[MissyBear10]

First congratulations on your special baby. You must be in seventh heaven.

Agree - avoid people who put fingers in the mouth or who smell of smoke. Neither is ok. Just to flag that strangers keep touching my baby - which I hate and I've started to pull her pram away to say no!

[Straightjacketneeded]

The only time I let it happen is when my mum did it to my dd when she used to bite and suck on the side of her finger. She's very clean and doesn't smoke

[sallysparrow157]

I put my finger in a baby's mouth the other night. I'm a paediatrician though, the baby had had heart surgery, was on a ventilator (breathing tube in his nose) and was a bit awake and hungry and miserable and clearly couldn't be fed, so I popped a finger (in a clean glove) with a little milk on in his mouth so he had somethng to suck on whilst his nurse found his dummy. It was about 3 am and his mum was asleep or I would have asked her to do it. He promptly went to sleep (so his heart rate and oxygen levels and blood pressure stabilised nicely, and as such my heart rate and blood pressure stabilised nicely too!!)

So there are times I think that shoving your finger in the mouth of someone else's baby is a good idea. However, the vast majority of the time, randomly shoving your finger into someone else's mouth is unnececssary and rather unpleasant... Your baby won't have suffered from a taste of antibac gel though (apart from the taste, it isnt tasty!), it is made to be safe if drunk and I know that hospital inpatients have drunk bottles of the stuff with no problems!

[daluze]

Putting your finger in baby's mouth is fine, as long as nails are cut and hands clean. As for previous poster, we were adviced to do by NICU nurses. But I'd never agree for a stranger to put finger in my baby's mouth. Especially a smoker - I don't think I would even allow a smoker to hold a tiny baby!

[feeona123]

Omg this takes me back to when my baby was born! My neighbour came round and nearly did the same thing! Luckily she didn't...think my hubby would have hit her if she did!

She took my daughter for a hold and then she started crying, anyone else would have passed the baby back at this stage but she didn't! She took the hint to give the baby back and left.....eventually!