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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

HELP! DS is nearly 7yo and this morning said "sex"

34 replies

Mummyofonesofar · 22/07/2015 11:27

This morning DS who will be 7 in a couple of months was getting ready in his bedroom and he was mubbling to himself and I thought I heard him say sex. I went in and calmly asked him to repeat it. He said it was something rude and he didn't want to say it again, he thought he would be in trouble. Eventually he admitted he said the word sex but when questioned he said that he didn't know what it meant or where he heard it.

I said that it is something normal but something that he shouldn't understand at his age and that he shouldn't use words he doesn't understand without checking with me first. I told him it is how babies are made with Mummys & Daddys and that it doesn't involve children.

When did your children find out the word and how did you react?? I'm really sad that someone has said sex infront of him and taking his innocence away.

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ginmakesitallok · 22/07/2015 11:28

Really? Why does him knowing about sex take his innocence away??

wallaby73 · 22/07/2015 11:31

The word "sex" has taken his innocence? Really? Bizarre.....

Wolfiefan · 22/07/2015 11:31

Sex is part of life. He's 7. It's not like it's his first word. I'm not sure banning him from talking about it or even saying the word is the way to go.
My son wasn't a very different age when he asked me what gay was. I want my kids to come to me with questions and be able to talk openly.

BromleyGal · 22/07/2015 11:35

'Sex' is in just about every song lyric there is! You can't shield your kids from everything. He's 7....from here on in it'll be a gradual learning curve for him. It's one of your jobs as his parent to ensure he's properly informed, and to do that you will need to be comfortable talking about this stuff.

Mummyofonesofar · 22/07/2015 11:36

I wish I had dealt with it but really panicked as thought I had at least another year before he started coming home with words like that.

It is not so much that he said the word - I expressed myself badly there - more that he has obviously been in a conversation where someone was talking about sex and now he has used the word when he has no understanding of what it means.

How much details would you have gone into - is saying it is how babies are made enough?

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Ashwinder · 22/07/2015 11:37

Gosh I think you've overreacted a bit. It's just a word. There's no suggestion he's seen or heard anything inappropriate at all so I'm not sure why you think his innocence has been taken away.

Seeline · 22/07/2015 11:37

I hope you also explained that it meant 'gender' as well or else he is going to get very confused

Mummyofonesofar · 22/07/2015 11:38

And I did invite him to come to me with words he doesn't udnerstand - he hasn't been banned from saying it at all

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happygirl87 · 22/07/2015 11:39

Haha, DSD used to sing "I'm hmmm and I know it" as someone had told her "sexy" was a bad word! It's funny how they pic up on the idea of it being rude long before they understand it.

Ashwinder · 22/07/2015 11:39

Well, I always have the policy of answering the questions as they ask them. Did he ask what sex was? Did he seem confused? I think I would have told him that sex isn't rude but it's something that adults do and it's how babies are made. And then answer subsequent questions in an age appropriate way.

Raasay · 22/07/2015 11:40

Obviously it's up to you to tell your child about sex at a time of your own choosing but can I ask why you think that he shouldn't know at 'his age'.

My own 7yos asked (and were answered) about sex two years ago.

I myself learned about it from my own Mum aged about 7 yo.

Why does knowledge of the word steal his innocence?

Mummyofonesofar · 22/07/2015 11:41

ash yes that is exactly what I said. He didn't ask any questions, though I did ask if he had any. Do you think I shouldn't offer any more information if it isn't asked for?

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Mummyofonesofar · 22/07/2015 11:43

Raasay as I have said - it isn't the knowledge of the word but that someone has been talking about it in front of him and I have no idea how accurate or detailed the converstation has been. I don't want him to get the wrong idea.

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Greythorne · 22/07/2015 11:43

Waiting for children to ask questions about sex is odd. There are plenty of topics parents must raise with children, whether or not the child asks a question about it.

gnushoes · 22/07/2015 11:44

From what you described, your shocked reaction to what he said may well have put him off asking questions. You've effectively told him he shouldn't know. He's really not going to ask now is he??

Greythorne · 22/07/2015 11:44

Buy a book - there are lots of good ones - and read it aloud.

You can discuss it calmly without it being The Talk.

RinkRashDerbyKisses · 22/07/2015 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummyofonesofar · 22/07/2015 11:46

Could you recommend one grey

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futureme · 22/07/2015 11:47

We have the book mummy laid an egg which is quite educational.... and talked about how babies are made in passing to mine, theyre both under 7.

Mummyofonesofar · 22/07/2015 11:49

futureme thanks very much - will look into getting that one.

He is just about to go into year 2 in September and that one seems age appropriate!

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SanityClause · 22/07/2015 11:52

7yo is a great age to learn the basics, IMO. He will be able to understand the mechanics, without all the hormones whizzing about, making him all silly and embarrassed.

I agree that a book will work well. A picture tells a thousand words!

WeAreEternal · 22/07/2015 11:56

When DS was 7 he told us that he was looking for his teddy to do sex.

DP and I were both so I asked DS what he though sex was, he said "cuddling in bed"

After more discussion it turned out that what he had picked up from tv programs was that cuddling in bed is frequently referred to as 'sex'.

We just explained that sex is only for grown ups not children but he can still have a cuddle if he wants but to call it a cuddle.

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Mummyofonesofar · 22/07/2015 11:59

WeAre glad I am not the only one who was shocked! I do wonder if he knows more but didn't want to say it. He seemed to regret saying it as soon as he did - though I wasn't cross at all! He gets worried about asking about swear words and again I have never told him off for asking what they mean I just tell him and explain that children shouldn't swear.

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Raasay · 22/07/2015 12:00

Mummy my question was more in relation to the fact you said you'd told him it was something he shouldn't understand at his age.

I wondered why you thought that?

If I think if my own children they would be unlikely to ask me questions about something I told them they were too young to know about.

Greythorne · 22/07/2015 12:01

books.google.fr/books/about/Where_Did_I_Come_From.html?id=_PHHLf14JdgC&source=kp_cover&hl=fr

I recommend this book ahead of Mummy Laid An Egg.

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