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How will I cope with babies 19months apart?(24 Posts)
I've just found out I'm pregnant with #2 and my DS is 11mo, very nearly 1. We planned it but didn't expect it to happen so soon and now I'm terrified! DS is very bright and already walking so I'm hoping he might not be totally babyish when DS2 arrives but he'll still be my baby and I'm not sure how I'll cope with 2? How did anyone in this position get on? I had PND with DS1 and am scared about the same happening especially with 2!! I'm also afraid I won't love DS2 as much, DS1 is everything to us! Any advice would be great! Need some reassurance!
I have no experience personally but there is 11 months between my niece and nephew and they are very close now. It was hard at the beginning but worth it. Do you have support/family near by? Can you get things in place well in advance like a cleaner if funds allow to make things a bit easier?
I have 18 months between mine. They are now almost 1 and almost 2.5. I won't lie and say it was easy, but best thing I did. They are little friends (some times!!).
I had PTSD after ds1 and I worried too but I've been fine and the health visitors were amazing. They came before ds2 was born and talked a lot through with me. Because they were aware of my history they came more often at first and were really supportive.
Don't panic and don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be ashamed to tell health care professionals your history, they will help and you will know the signs next time round.
Small age gaps can have real positives, as can bigger gaps but for different reasons.
You will be ok. PM me if you want to chat
It will be fine. Only thing I'd suggest is to try and start to incourage your oldest to be more independent with things like climbing stairs just holding your hand ect, so you can bring them both up/down together.
When baby's here, routine is key- even if it's just things like sterilising bottles/prepack your baby bag the night before or whatever if your off out so its less to do on the day.
Get a decent double buggy - we had the Oyster and it was a life saver.
It wasn't anywhere near as bad as I feared. And I had the same worries about not loving no2 as much as the first but it's amazing how quickly you forget what it was like with just one.
It goes so quickly so enjoy! Ours are 3 and 19m now an it's amazing watching them together.
You'll be fine. 19mths between my two. Get a good double buggy (I had a Phil and Teds but it was a few yrs ago). Two in nappies is pricey but won't be for long. Make the most of the time you have alone with the eldest now. That has been the only downside to a small gap IMO - not long for them to be top dog. But that is from my perspective, not theirs.
My two are now 7 and 8 and have been best friends for ages. They would never admit it now though!
You'll be fine, I have a 19m age gap. We didn't buy a double buggy as DD is a good walker and I slung DS. Cbeebies is worth it! Do you have any help at all? We kept DD in nursery a bit to give her some continuity and me a break.
The first time you have both of them napping at the same time makes you feel like you are winning at parenting!
I had an 18 month gap with ds1 and DD, and 2 years between DD and ds2.
It was very hard as they were all terrible sleepers and I felt so tired until ds2 slept through.
I found routines really helped, I went to toddler group twice a week and song time at the library, and went to the park or soft play on the other days, money permitting.
Ds1 loved having a baby too, and he would help fetch nappies and play with toys. I remember he watched Timmy Time lots as it lasted as long as DD took to bf and he would sit beside me and have a cuddle.
Try to have a bumbo or baby chair in every room, or ones you can carry, as you never seem to have enough hands to deal with the toddler when holding the baby (although I once arranged a gas supply transfer over the phone, writing things down and bf'ing DS at the same time, I was most impressed with myself!)
Be kind to yourself, my dc are very close now as they were so close in age, but I wish I had been less uptight when they were tiny and enjoyed it more. It's easier said than done but I wish you luck, it was all worth it.
I worried so much that I couldn't love DD as much as DS, and when she was born, he said 'baby' and kissed her straight away, and I realised how easy it was going to be to love her, even a child could do it.
21 months between mine.
DD whilst slower on the moving front, was/is very articulate and great communicating skills, so she was primed for helping mummy and loving the baby in my tummy.
DS lived in a sling for first 6ish months until DD wasn't so scared on the buggy board. Now at 17 months and 3.1 they are best friends. Though I also think DS has a "must annoy my sister" setting
Practically wise: DS only got bathed once a week at the weekend when DH would be home to entertain DD.
Bedtime story got moved to being on our bed so I could be BFing DS comfortably and DD could still snuggle in.
Nappy changing stuff got stocked up in the playroom so either could be changed without trekking upstairs (DD thankfully potty trained when DS was 5 months old)
DD loved the big sister/mummy's helper role, and would love getting things for me. She loved feeling involved and still likes to help pick his socks or clothes for the day.
My heart melted the other day when DS fell asleep in the pushchair and DD was stroking his head and giving him the gentlest of kisses.
You will be fine. I'm not going to lie, between the "newborn blob does nothing" and the crawling stage was hard, but it's now just a distant memory. I love the close age gap and bond between them.
The first time you have both of them napping at the same time makes you feel like you are winning at parenting!
Ha! I managed this ONCE. Ds decided to give up his nap when dd was 8wks old
13 months between mine, and honestly so long as everyone gets fed, clean nappies and has survived the day without requiring medical attention then it counts as a win. Your house will look like a bomb hit it, you will have no sleep, but you will find that once your youngest is walking your eldest has an instant playmate and they soon learn to play with each other - giving you 5 or maybe 10 minutes of peace.
You will hopefully avoid that jealousy that kicks in with older toddlers who having been the apple of mum and dads eye for so long now find they have to wait their turn and the world is not all about them.
Love for your children is infinite, no matter how many children you have the love is never ending and I personally found I loved my eldest even more when her brother arrived. They are 3 and nearly 2 and when you see their little eyes light up when they see each other in the morning it melts my heart. They like to have a little cuddle on the landing before we go down for breakfast.
16m gap here. Never napped at the same time but mostly decent sleepers.
very hard the first couple of years but much easier since they were 4 and 5. They're into the same things, go off playing in the park together, in the same swimming lesson and football team.... and basically they entertain each other and I just feed them and bung them in bed!
It was like going cold turkey on having kids.... horrible at the time but much better in the long run
Grewupinafield - what support did you get from your health visitors? I'm not exactly sure what to expect from mine, but when I have asked questions I've felt a bit like she's implying that I've caused problems for myself and made my toddler's life very traumatic by having a small age gap. Actually my toddler is delighted with our new baby, and I've had some helpful advice from nursery about managing pretty standard toddler behaviour.
With regards to how you manage OP, it's early days for us yet, but I had a lot of practical support from my family early on after a c-section. I have also been lucky to get to know another mum locally with a similar age gap. And part-time nursery for the toddler helps - she loves it, lots of messy play, they teach her things that haven't yet occurred to me to do and I have nice quiet time with baby/a rest/do chores.
Anyone I know who has had this age gap says it's fab when they're older, very tiring initially but are pretty positive about it. You'll probably find the ones who are horrified didn't have that gap themselves.
19.5 months here. It was mostly fine, if a little busy, when they were small. DS1 ignored DS2's very existence right up until DS2 got mobile & started showing an interest in DS1's toys. That was a tricky phase but DS2 is 2y now & starting to get the concept of sharing so I'm hoping we're coming out of that phase now. They adore each other most of the time & play together really nicely. There have been times when I've wondered why on earth I'd thought it was a good idea having more than one child, let alone 2 close together but I think that less now they play together.
You are winning meow!
13 months between mine. They are now 1 and 2 and I'm pregnant with DC3.
DS will be nearly 3 when he/she are born and DD nearly 2.
Get a playpen. Then one can always be corralled and safe. I only ever put the TV on when DS was in the playpen so I could nip to the loo and have DD safe in the Moses basket without worrying that DS would touch her. He also got a quick 5 minutes of Peter rabbit so was quite content
Get a good double pram
Get them napping at the same time. Mine still do and it is bliss!
Agree - I gnome the doom mongers. I've found that people were very negative about gaps under, say 15 months generally because they had no experience of them.
In 1915 etc, it would have been seen as quite normal!
18 months here, almost 2 and 3.5 now and most of the time they're lovely little friends! I don't remember it being really but it's just what you're used to. Now they like the same things, share toys and do everything together, although the youngest is becoming more vocal so arguments are becoming more common.
Both were ebf and I worried about keeping dd1 entertained while dd2 was feeding but turned out she was a very efficient feeder so I wasn't sitting for hours.
You'll be fine because you have to be, and us mums are awesome!
I am due DC3 in two days, DC1 is 6, DC2 is 19 months. I'm going to cope the same way you will, because you have to.
Congratulations and good luck, you will be fine
I found the first year knackering but relatively easy with a 16 month age gap. I also had two older DC so my day had to be very structured to fit in with school etc. I enforced naps, even if DC3 was unwilling I made him lie in bed with a book or on the sofa with the news on.
I wished I had had my first two closer together to get the benefit of not having to be up and out every morning.
Thanks everyone, I just wanted to hear that people have done in and survived! I don't have much help nearby as both sets of parents are in Ireland and we are in London. DH is amazing but will have to make sure I get help from friends as he's very busy at work. Feeling so much better now, you guys are awesome! X
Hampsteadmum the main reason I had so much help was after the c section. My eldest walks and runs but it was things like coming down the stairs and lifting in and out the cot and highchair.
Also the breast feeds are only just starting to space out and become shorter at 5 weeks so it was helpful to have another pair of hands to take her out to the park etc.
I would really recommend trying to sort your eldest's sleep if you haven't already.
14 month gap here and was planned!
Love it. I feel I am killing two birds with the one stone. Not going to lie and say it is easy and the little one is only six months but it is doable!
Toddler is only learning to walk so I haven't had it that easy carrying and all the rest and have gone back to work.
But I feel you still have to do the work even with a bigger gap anyway. The way I see it the bouncer and all the baby gear will be heading out the door never to return.
I do get mine to nap together. I have no real family support but we have acquired a local babysitter in the past two weeks so that is helping as we get an ocassional meal out etc.
My mum gave birth to my twin and I when my dbro was 19m and lo and behold we're all alive and well! You'll find a way to manage somehow
22 months between 1st and 2nd, 16 months between 2nd and 3rd, 12 months between 3rd and 4th.
Was a bit chaotic at times but all bottles and nappy changes practically over with at the same time. What I love about close age gaps is they are all so close and enjoy each others company.
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