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Does the fear go away?

(12 Posts)
jellymum1704 Tue 14-Jul-15 22:16:44

DS was born at 37 weeks and was diagnosed with a bowel obstruction immediately after birth.He underwent major surgery at 2 days old and we spent 4 weeks in. NICU in all. He recovered fully and has been successfully breastfeeding and gaining weight. The whole experience was a shock as nothing came up in my scans. I struggled with the enormity of the situation after discharge really the more I bonded with him.I had nightmares about losing him. I received lot of support from my health visitors and family who constantly reassure me that he is healthy. He is a happy 4 month old now meeting his milestones. I love him so much and I'm still terrified that something bad will happen to him as unexpectedly. I'm also fearful of another pregnancy now.Has anyone been in a similar situation and did it get easier? I feel much better now but wish to put this experience behind me.

ASAS Tue 14-Jul-15 22:23:40

I'm telling you this so you know you're not alone... I was in the same hospital today (appointment for me, not maternity) and it was difficult. The days will turn into months and the fear will subside but you might find it never completely goes. I'm afraid it's just part and parcel of membership to that awful club nobody wants to join.

But keep talking if it helps.flowers

DangerGrouse Wed 15-Jul-15 07:13:26

Jellymum I had to write as I remember this so well and I also called it 'the fear'. I even had no technical reason to have 'the fear' and I had it big time. My daughter was born perfectly healthy but for months I was practically paralysed with fear that she was about to die any second.
It is horrific, it is normal and it DOES STOP. I've gone from having every baby monitor and device available down to nothing now, she sleeps alone in her room with no monitor or sleep alarm and I feel about 1000 times better.
It's gradual, but it will happen. It's your hormones making you protective of your baby, that's all. Just go with your instincts at all times, ignore the 'enjoy every minute!!' brigades and you will start to feel better as your baby gets bigger and more independent.
Loads of love xxxx

FunnyNameHere Wed 15-Jul-15 07:20:18

ASAS - what "awful club"??

OP, I am a worrier by nature but I worry most about my DC. It DOES get better! Honestly!

DustBunnyFarmer Wed 15-Jul-15 07:21:03

I had a bit of this fear too. It does get easier, although I found weaning hard as I was scared DS1 would choke. DH found a St John's Ambulance-run 'baby safe' (baby first aid) course and we both went on it. We both felt more confident about coping in an emergency afterwards and really enjoyes DS2's babyhood. Funnily enough, it was a good first aid course and I ended up using one of the techniques when an adult colleague at work had an accident at work.

KatyN Wed 15-Jul-15 07:32:14

Yes it gets better, but it is still there in the background.
My son was born with the chord wrapped round his neck (twice), he inhaled his meuconium (? Poo) and had a collapsed lung. We spent two weeks in nicu. We were not in our local hospital because it was full, so quite a way from friends and family support. It was shit.

He is now 3.5. And totally fine. He saw a consultant for the first 2 years and I cried every time I went back to the hospital. He's finally old enough that if I ring 111 they don't ask about his delivery.

I'm pregnant again, and obviously petrified, but trying to stay rational-ish.

I think to some extent every parent has THE FEAR but for you (and me) it is easy to describe what the fear is of, we have seen our children really poorly. It might be harder to visualise if you haven't had that experience?

Finally, his first birthday was quite hard for me, we celebrated early with friends and family and on the day just the three of us had a quiet day, I may have not let him go all day!!

ASAS Wed 15-Jul-15 10:46:11

Jelly how are things today?

Funny, the awful club is made up of parents whose babies needed surgery, or special care, those of us who made deals with the universe and now worry (the fear) we'll not fulfill our end.

jellymum1704 Wed 15-Jul-15 11:41:44

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. We have his first post surgery appointment today so have been reflecting over how far we've come. I'll probably be concerned about his poo habits for the rest of his life. Having a child in surgery puts a lot of things in perspective though.

FunnyNameHere Wed 15-Jul-15 23:40:10

Asas, thanks for explaining. Please have flowers and a massive hug.

ASAS Thu 16-Jul-15 08:48:15

How did yesterday go? Well I hope (sounds like he's coming on a treat).

Funny it's no problem, it probably seemed an odd expression smile

And yes Katy, certain key dates are hard/weird. One of my difficult dates is in Dec and I always think about that when I see advent calandars.

But we're the lucky ones, I am forever thankful we got to wake up out of that nightmare.

jellymum1704 Thu 16-Jul-15 08:57:34

The surgeon was quite pleased with his progress. He said it was one of the most difficult surgeries he had performed but we should now not look behind.LO rewarded him with a massive grin. I'm so proud of himsmile

ASAS Thu 16-Jul-15 14:42:52

Excellent!

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