I know it's been done but can some wise parents of 3 children give me some honest answers??(13 Posts)
I'll try and keep this fairly short as I could ramble for hours. I have 2 beautiful boys (4 and 1) and a fantastic husband. I'm lucky that we are very happy and healthy, and I do feel truly lucky for that with all the horrid things I seem to hear every day now. HOWEVER, I have an "urge" for a third baby....I think...and that's the issue, I'm not sure. I seem to get these powerful waves (which a year ago after DS2's birth I assumed were hormonal - i stopped bf in April when he was 13m) of wanting a third baby. I see families of 5 and think it looks great and almost get a pang of jealousy and admiration for their bravery of having the third child. But then all the usual practical stuff people talk about pops into my head and I think we should decide with our heads not "my" heart. I want to be pregnant again and experience it all over again...who wouldn't but what if something went wrong? I'm 36 next month. Also, it would obviously give me less time, effort and attention with my 2 sons who I adore. There's all the other "stuff" to consider too like the size of house and car and logistics of work and school drop-offs etc but the way I see it is that's short term chaos for long term gain.
Husband is fantastic guy and really understands my conflict but thinks on balance we should stick with what we have as we are lucky, have great life etc.....but isn't ruling ti out 100% as he sees my anguish and indecision.
I'm a bit scared that this feeling will never go but he thinks it is the indecision that causes a lot of it.....
So being honest, if you have 3 children (or more), although I know you'd never change it......is it really that much of a difference?
It's easier going from 2 to 3 children than it was going from 1 to 2. 3rd babies just sort of slot in.
But what about the fact you have less time to devote to them each? Is each day very manic? Think our life is quite relaxed at pesent and husband thinking it will be manic. Do they each get enough time with you for chatting, reading, homework etc?
I have three and whilst I wouldn't change our family for the world I've discovered a few downsides to being a family of five:
Need a bigger car- especially with car seats, pushchair, extra luggage if you go away.
Most things are geared towards 2 adults and 2 children although this is getting better. Family tickets, hotel rooms etc are all for four.
However I found the third one cheaper as we had everything! He gets all his brothers hand me downs! (22 month age gap) They usually pair up so always someone to play with although often one left out.
Basically there's no easy or obvious answer
I have 3 girls. Yes, it can get hard with finding time for all 3 of them. However, they also have more time for each other - it is not unknown for DD1 to read DD3's bedtime story if neither DH or I can do it. And this way, if you can pair two of them up doing something together, you can get some on to one time with the third.
Like bec3105, you do find that things like tickets for outings etc get more expensive as are all geared up to a family of 4, so be prepared for that as a 'hidden' expense. Having 3 girls has meant that the clothing and toys situation has not got out of hand, as hand-me-downs are the order of the day here.
The hardest thing for me is the out-of-school activities, and also attending school functions. You have 3 children who want to do different things but all at the same time - I spend my Saturdays in the car basically. And getting time off work to attend 3 different assemblies/plays/workshops at school can be challenging - I am fortunate that my work are fairly flexible, but it's something to keep in mind if you cannot dodge out of the office for 30 minutes as I can.
I have 3 ages 15, 14 and 11.
Thrown in the mix is ADHD , ASD and dyslexia diagnoses not evident when they were little but obviously major impact making me feel pulled in many directions.
At this age they still bicker and life does feel a slog trying to meet all demands. Wouldn't change things for the world but has been bloody hard work.
Also had to move to a bigger house, bigger car. Nothing is for families of 5 all holidays etc for family of 4. School uniforms etc very expensive and hand me downs hasn't worked as hard wearing on their clothes. Seem to spend my life driving them to different places not helped as at one time they were in 3 different schools.
I have often felt guilty that I've not always met their needs eg took me too long to realise dd was dyslexic.
They can be lovely ....sometimes!
I found the third fairly easy, when I had found having my first and second babies very difficult. I had 2 boys first, like you, third was a girl born when I was 38.
It is lovely, I like having a gang of them and they are best friends - that surprised me. I have more time for them individually than I did when I had 2 because I can spend time with one child while the other two play together.
I have worked out the logistics as we go along and it has been fine. We fit in a normal sized car but we did need another bedroom.
It does make a difference to the sense of chaos I think, even though our third has been very easy.
Don't forget the relationships between the three of them - a lot of fighting but they do help look after each other too, which makes up for each one getting less of your attention. A new baby sibling is the best toy ever. And my 10 year old reads a terrific bedtime story.
But it was the final nail in the coffin of my career. If there are any areas where you feel like you're only just coping it can be the thing that tips you over the edge to not coping any more.
I must say I feel that same urge to go from 2 to 3. It is reassuring to know there's lots of amazing positives that are easily overlooked by thinking aaargh how will I cope.
I just don't know how I (we) are going to finally come down on one side or another........I don't know ehtehr to "try" and shelve sit for a few months. I don't think my husband is that keen but how do I stop the want of a third because obviously if he thinks no then it is no....
Today isn't the best day to ask. I'm currently sitting on our bed with DD2,who has been throwing up since 8pm last night, whilst DD1 and DD3 play. Two days ago I was sitting with DD3, who had been throwing up since the early hours, listening to DD1 & DD2 play. Two days before that, I was sitting on the sofa with DD1, who had been throwing up since the early hours, listening to DD2 & DD3 play.
It's been a hard week and it's times like these that show just what the impact of having 3vs2 is.
Having said that, I obviously wouldn't change it.
its harder work but nowadays that work is mostly logistics: who has to be where, when and with what equipment! definitely a whole load more expensive, especially as they grow, and life is always busy. luckily i like busy
We have 2, and will be stopping at 2. As babies I found them relatively easy and could easily have had more. But as from this September both will be in school. The logistics of collecting both at slightly different times, and helping both with reading and homework alone is hard. That's 30mins every night x2, so 1 hr free needed daily just for basic school work.
I also just about cope with logistics of childcare, school helping, parties where one is invited, play dates etc.
Dh and I work full time though, which is probably why. With one stay at home parent I guess it's simpler
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