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tell me about your bigger than you wanted age gaps

(30 Posts)
SandmanSlim Mon 13-Jul-15 19:48:06

DC2 is not currently happening. Original plan was for a 2-3 year gap but DD1 is already 4. Please make me feel better by telling me nice stories about your larger age gaps. smile

PlumFairy2014 Mon 13-Jul-15 19:51:35

My sister said the 5 years between hers meantime could have her first DD reading, writing and on a good footing for school before having a newborn. Also she was much more understanding when her little sister arrived and as she was at school she could spendost of the day bf the little one without the elder getting bored.

My LO is only 8mo, so still trying to figure out the magic number. Waiting for a full nights sleep first!

Best of luck. smile

PlumFairy2014 Mon 13-Jul-15 19:52:30

Stupid phone typos... Sure you get the gist of it!

merlehaggard Mon 13-Jul-15 19:54:30

Hi, my children are 20, 12 and 4. I have PCOS so had chlomid to conceive the first, various infertility treatments for the second and then, when I was 40 and thought I was infertile and therefore not using contraception, I fell pregnant with the 3rd! To be honest, there are benefits : it's easier never having 2 very young ones together, it has never been too long before I had a baby sitter, I have longer to save for uni between each child, it's a lot of fun having a younger around for what seems like more time. However, there are obvious other benefits from having them close together. I could never regret how it worked out because I just wanted a family and I got it. I'm not sure I was cut out for 2 or more young children anyway!

minilegofigure Mon 13-Jul-15 20:01:27

There is an 8 nearly 9 year age gap between me and my sister. We get on very well and are very close. I remember her as a baby and I'm sure I helped my mum lots in a way a 10 year old can and a 3 year old can't . My sister remembers me putting on puppet shows with her toys . I don't think I was very interested in her in my teens!
But when she was a teen I was a cool big sister to visit.
We had different childhoods as I'm a child of the 70s and she is child of the 80s but as parents have got older we appreciated each other and are really very close.

mrsmugoo Tue 14-Jul-15 09:42:46

Watching with interest. Really wanted a small gap of two years but DS is already 16m and no luck yet.

worldsworstmum2015 Tue 14-Jul-15 15:59:50

Ds1 is 9 ds3 is 6mth he's fantastic with the baby and can help out a bit with him pushing the pram getting nappies /wipes entertaining him whilst I have a bath etc

SandmanSlim Tue 14-Jul-15 18:43:54

Thank you! It really does make me feel better.

worldsworstmum2015 Tue 14-Jul-15 19:49:23

I'll be honest I find dc3 easier because dc 1&2 are at school whereas there's only 2.5yrs between 1&2 & it was all a bit of a blur having a newborn and a toddler. They'll love each other whatever the age gap

qumquat Tue 14-Jul-15 20:21:09

I only have one but my brother and sister are 5 and 7 years older than me respectively. I always got on much better with them than they did with each other. The age gap meant there were no squabbles or petty rivalries, we just adored each other.

minilegofigure Tue 14-Jul-15 22:20:42

Yes. I agree with squabbles . My sister and me( nearly 9 year age gap) do not remember ever arguing/ fighting . It would have been ridiculous! 12 year old and 3 year old have nothing really to be jealous about or fight over.

mamadoc Tue 14-Jul-15 22:37:56

I had recurrent miscarriages so our planned 2 yr age gap ended up at over 4yrs. I am really close to my sister and I wanted 2 little girls with a small age gap but it was not to be.

And it's great. I could not have planned it better in fact.

I was on mat leave during DDs reception year which was lovely for us both.
She was already pretty independent with dressing toileting etc
Never had to pay two lots of full time childcare fees or buy two sizes of nappies. Never needed a double buggy.
She was old enough not to tantrum if asked to wait a little for something and to understand that I still love her even if I'm distracted by a new baby. She was not jealous.
They get on so well now at 8 and 4. They play together all the time. She comforts him if he's upset and tells him all her tips about school and friends. He looks up to her and copies her.
I don't have to worry about treating them just the same. They understand that there are age appropriate differences eg she has pocket money and he doesn't. I might still carry him sometimes but not her.

Don't worry. You can't change it. Whatever happens will be for the best.

Baffled2012 Wed 15-Jul-15 01:49:27

I'm really close with my sister who is 8 years younger than me. Closer than my older sister who have a two year age gap between them. I've just had my second and my son was just short of two. He had no idea who she was or where she had come from despite reading books and explaining. He's warmed up to her now (after 7 months) so I think maybe a bigger gap is nicer as they have a better comprehension and probably appreciation for their sibling.

Thenthatsthatthen Wed 15-Jul-15 20:14:33

Theres a 14 year abe gap between me and my sister and 19 between me and my sister. Less than ideal and i find our relationship more like a parent/child one than siblings (and i always have). But i have a 2 year age gap between DD1 and DD2, then a 4 year age gap between DD2 and DD3 which to me is easier than the two year gap! I have two little helpers obsessed with their sister. Whereas with DD1 she was to young to understand what was happening IMO and she was upset that i had to spend a week away in hospital with the baby and almost aneded up resenting DD2.

Blarblarblar Wed 15-Jul-15 20:29:21

5 years between my boys. It's fantastic. DS1 adores the baby and wants to part of all his care. DS2 crawls around after him shouting and laughing at everything his big brother does. Not sure I could have coped with two at home but I've enjoyed every minute of my mat leave and time with DS2 picking up DS1 from school and being able to be there for him was great. I didn't choose to do it this way but it's been wonderful and I hope it continues.

Wolfiefan Wed 15-Jul-15 20:31:49

Blarblar I'm sure it will. My DS was 6 when DD was born (age gap due to lots of different things). She adores him and he likes being the elder and wiser one.

Hassled Wed 15-Jul-15 20:33:48

Big gaps are great. I had less than 2 years between DCs1 & 2 - it was hell on earth. All those nappies, all those nights with both awake. Then a massive gap (new relationship) and 4 years between DCs 3 & 4 - and it was so much easier. DC3 had no jealousy, was sleeping, could help, was interested. Much, much better.

AlwaysDancing1234 Wed 15-Jul-15 20:37:27

7 year age gap between DS and DD. we didn't want such as large gap but pleased in a way as they have such a lovely relationship. DS absolutely dotes on his baby sister and she worships him. DS was old enough to understand that DD takes up a lot of time breastfeeding etc and is always trying to help out looking after her.

SandmanSlim Wed 15-Jul-15 22:11:33

Ooh lots more lovely stories, I'm feeling quite smug for having an accidental and still hypothetical gap wink

Blarblarblar Wed 15-Jul-15 22:45:07

Oooo Wolfiefan I hope so but all these lovely posts are making me feel quite happy.

resipsa Wed 15-Jul-15 22:55:04

Liking this thread, particularly Mamadoc's post. DD is 4 and starts school in Sept. DD2 is due in 2 weeks. But for recurrent miscarriages, age gap would have been less than 2 years, 3 years or 3.5 years instead of 4.5 years. I can already see the benefit in the larger gap in terms of the 'help' DD1 is offering; if she stands by it, she'll be feeding, walking, soothing and generally looking after the new arrival while I put my feet up grin. And she'll have a whole new grown-up life at school to embrace while I am distracted.

TinklyLittleLaugh Wed 15-Jul-15 23:01:04

I have three close together, then a seven year gap, so DS1 is 12 years older than DS2. They absolutely idolise each other and get on so much better than my two DDs who have 3 years between them.

3boys3dogshelp Wed 15-Jul-15 23:06:31

(Planned) 18 month gap between dc1 & 2 - I liked it at the time as I felt they would be close, they are into the same toys/days out etc but it was exhausting and I felt I missed dc2's babyhood as I was just so busy all the time.
Then almost 4 years from dc2 to dc3, which I was worried about, and it's great! Ds3 adores his big brothers and they spoil him rotten. Ds3 was a very difficult baby but his big brothers were happy to entertain themselves when he was screaming in a way that a toddler just isn't able to. Loved being on mat leave for ds2 starting school too.
Ds1 & 2 bicker ALL the time, they love each other but just can't get along, it's exhausting. I would recommend a bigger gap to anyone having experienced both.

mamadoc Wed 15-Jul-15 23:22:57

Respipsa- it'll be great.

It was a big unplanned advantage to be on mat leave for DC1 reception year. It helped me to make mummy friends and fit in at school in a way that I would not have done if I was at work.

She didn't help a whole lot practically. She may have handed out some nappies. But she did entertain him a lot.

He just tagged along to everything we were doing in his sling. He was very popular with her friends too- ahh you have a baby!

There was a slightly bad patch when he was toddling but couldn't talk and was getting into her stuff a lot and destroying it but since he's been more able to play they get on really well.

mamadoc Wed 15-Jul-15 23:26:59

Plus I could still 'sleep when the baby sleeps' whilst DD was at school. Helps a lot with the sleep deprivation.

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