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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

DC age 5 or 6: have you been away for the weekend without them?

37 replies

AngelDog · 05/07/2015 23:34

I'm interested to know if you've been away for the weekend with your DH without them, and if yes, roughly how often?

DH thinks that by this age, it's a normal thing to do but I'm less sure it's as common as he thinks. I also have a nearly 3 y.o.

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Wittynewnameifonly · 05/07/2015 23:35

Yes, did it a few times a year from when they were each about s year old. Only left with my parents though.

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MsInterpret · 05/07/2015 23:36

Think it's pretty common.

DH and I been away for only one whole weekend last December when they were just 5 and 2.2. My parents came to our house to look after them.

Done many more single nights away and both of us have done 2+ Nights away, separately. ie kids at home with just one of us.

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TaurielTest · 05/07/2015 23:41

I have a sense that others do this more/younger, but FWIW: mine first went away for the weekend while DSs had a sleepover with grandparents when they were 6 and nearly 4. That was about a year ago, and we've done it a couple of times since. These are short weekends (drop off Sat morning, collect in time for tea and bed at home on Sunday night). DS1 has also had a couple of solo stays with his other grandmother, who lives further away; DS2 not quite ready for that yet.

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ChablisTyrant · 05/07/2015 23:44

We did 2 nights when our youngest was 14 months and oldest 4. I hate being away but it helps build your relationship as a couple.

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SurlyCue · 05/07/2015 23:45

Yes ive been away. With ds1 i think he was almost two the first time i had a weekend away. With DS2 he was 6 months old. I have had full weeks away too. I get away maybe once a year for a weekend.

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AngelDog · 06/07/2015 00:23

Interesting that so many of you have so far!

Chablis, that was an interesting comment; thanks. I'm pretty sure I'll hate being away but DH thinks it will help our relationship. I suspect he also anticipates the fringe benefit of getting me to stop breastfeeding DS2, which he is keen to happen, but I'm not. :(

So far we've not even been out together for an evening for over 5 years though we have gone out during the day. DS1 would cope with grandparents but DS2 - quite a Mummy's boy - would hate it. At the moment he always breastfeeds to sleep and doesn't eat much unless I'm there so I worry about how he'd cope.

I've only been out in the evening on my own once since he was born and DH couldn't get him to sleep. He spent the whole evening at the window watching for me to come back.

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LittleBearPad · 06/07/2015 00:35

Go!

They'll be fine.

Left DD (3) at two with my parents a couple of times.

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Mumblechum1 · 06/07/2015 01:20

We left ours with my parents from about 9 months iirc.

I always think it's very important to have time alone with your spouse/partner, and it's also lovely for the children to have time with their grandparents.

We also always went out and left them with baby sitters from about 6 months old, again they were absolutely fine.

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Iloveonionchutney · 06/07/2015 01:26

I'd rip someone's arm off for one night away without dd (4.6). We didn't even get our wedding night off, once my parents babysat for the night and it was so stressful with them worrying that we had to go and get her at 8am and it ruined the whole night. No one else to ask but I'd love a chance to get away with dh.

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lexyloub · 06/07/2015 09:33

Yes we try to get a weekend away at least once a year we leave dc with grandparents .I left dc3 at 9 wk old as the weekend was planned pre pregnancy. Go enjoy yourself your kids will be fine.

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trinitybleu · 06/07/2015 09:46

Yes, quite a lot. Probably 3 or 4 times a year from 9 months to 5. Then she started going to stay every school holiday for 3 or 4 days, plus weekends maybe twice a year. All at my Mums, about an hour and a half away.

She loves it, although she's also pleased when I collect her.

We've also has friends kids here for sleepovers from about 5. My DD hasn't done it elsewhere as she's not a great sleeper and I wouldn't want to inflict that on other people!

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VolumniaDedlock · 06/07/2015 09:52

Yes, but only one night IYSWIM ie dropped off on Sat AM and collected Sunday PM. We have 2 DC and have done this when each was about 18mo. We probably only do this once or twice a year.

In your position though how about an evening out together to start off with? If DC2 is with someone he knows, and for a relatively short period it might be easier on you all?

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Ragwort · 06/07/2015 09:57

Yes - we had weekends away when DS was young - my parents looked after him but as they lived a long distance we then had a recipricol arrangement with friends to look after each other's children. Worked really well. We had our first evening (not whole night ) out when DS was about 10 days old - my DM was looking after him and we were only minutes away if I needed to get home to BF.

I was disappointed to receive a negative comment from another mother about how could I leave my baby so soon. .

I honestly don't think it is very healthy if you haven't even been out for more than one evening and your oldest child is now 5. You are 'enabling' your DH to find it hard to cope and letting your child become a 'mummy's boy' (in your own words). I would always think about what would happen if I was rushed into hospital or worse.

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CMOTDibbler · 06/07/2015 09:57

We'd be lucky. Not that we don't want to, but no one to have ds - he's 9, and apart from school trips, he's been away from us for 4 nights in total, and that was with friends.

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Buglife · 06/07/2015 10:48

It's incredibly common amongst people I know to have grandparents and family etc to help look after the children! I went on an overnight hen do when DS was 8 months, and my parents looked after him overnight when we went to the wedding a month later. DS and I have had a few meals out where we put him to bed and gone out for a few hours with grandparents staying to listen :) and we've been to the races one day as well though we were back by about 10pm so it wasn't overnight. I find IRL no one bats an eyelid, online you may find different! My DS (11 months) has a great time with his grandparents. my parents live fairly far away though but they stay once a month so they are here a overnight anyway, he hasn't stayed overnight elsewhere without us, he is looked after at home.

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TheSconeOfStone · 06/07/2015 12:22

We have had a few weekends, one a year maybe. And 2-3 nights a year where we drop the DC to my local parents and pick up mid morning.

The in-laws did nothing until the kids were school age but now have them one week at Easter and one week in the Summer. DD2 was 4 the first week she had with the GPs. She is a cling on mummy's girl and coped just fine. She can't wait for her next visit in the Summer holidays.

Most of my friends get the odd night or weekends from GPs.

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AngelDog · 06/07/2015 14:44

Thanks everyone. Part of the reason we've not been out in the evenings lately is that parents aren't local so would need to stay over. We didn't have space for that in our old house, and in our new one, we've been saving up to buy a bed for the spare room. We should get one fairly soon.

We've always gone out during the daytime instead, but in recent months we've been busy doing things like moving house (twice) and lately DH has decided to use the time his parents come to catch up on DIY rather than us going out, so it's not like it's all been my fault! :)

How do your family manage to get your DC to sleep when you're away? When DH tried to do bedtime while I was out, he couldn't even get DS2 to stay in the bedroom, let alone get him to sleep! And what do they do when they wake in the night? DS2 won't nap when the grandparents are here, and night sleep is then much worse.

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mumofboyo · 06/07/2015 14:48

We regularly go for single nights away from the dc, and have done from when they were around 6 weeks old. When dd (our youngest) was 6 weeks old, we had little choice but to leave both dc with their grandma because we'd moved and the house was cold and damp and she'd just recovered from bronchiolitis.

About two months ago they went to stay with their aunt and dh and I went to celebrate our anniversary at a posh hotel. We stayed away for 2 nights. The dc (at the time they were 2.6 and just turned 4) had a whale of a time.

I don't see anything wrong with going away for 1-3 nights and leaving the dc with people they know and are happy to stay with. It's nice to have that time as a couple without having to worry about what the dc are doing.

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AngelDog · 06/07/2015 14:51

I think I'd spend the whole weekend wondering about what they were doing! That's what I like about going out in the daytime - I can just forget about them because I'm not fretting about whether DS2 will eat, or sleep or whatever. :)

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mumofboyo · 06/07/2015 14:53

And, in answer to your question about bedtimes, I think we're lucky because our dc just seem to sleep wherever they are. There are other children at their aunt's and at their grandma's house so they're kept very busy, which means that by bedtime (which is normally a bit later than at home) they're shattered and just go straight to sleep.
If, on the rare occasion they get up in the night, they're just cuddled and put back to bed.

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lexyloub · 06/07/2015 14:59

Angel don't worry yourself about how they'll get him to sleep I'm sure they wouldn't offer without realising it might be difficult. Best thing that could happen is that your ds will realise your not there to bf him to sleep and just accept it go straight to sleep, worst thing is they get a couple of nights of no/ broken sleep. No one will die everyone will still be alive when you get back although maybe a little tired. Time to be a little selfish and think of yourself. Enjoy the break from being Mum and be husband and wife again relax and enjoy the peace.

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Buglife · 06/07/2015 15:01

Regarding bedtimes My DS gets put to bed by DH weeknights and often my DM when she stays, even when I'm in the house (DH usually out the house for about 12 hours a day and he's gagging to spend time with him and I'm gagging to have a breather by bedtime!) so he's used to getting his routine from different people. His routine is pretty much the key for his bedtime, regardless of the person doing it. I don't know if he's super chilled or just used to 3 people rather than just me. He's nearly 11 months. I always worry when I'm not there he'll stay awake but he's always asleep about the same time! Thibking about it always makes it seem 10 times worse, in reality he does fine with family looking after him.

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elelfrance · 06/07/2015 15:05

LO is 21 months, we've been away twice for 1 night, and once for 2 nights. Really really enjoyed it, the first night away i was a little worried, but she was fine with my parents, and the other times i wasn't pining at all.
she goes to bed fine without us, but she's an easy child to get to bed anyway.

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Outwith · 06/07/2015 15:15

Angel, DH and I are similar - we've been out together for 1 evening in 5 years. We've been out / away separately though. It's difficult for us because we don't have family nearby, but we're going to try to make the effort to go out together during the day.

No-one's really commenting on the pressure from your DH to reduce / stop (?) BFing. I actually think that this is a big issue, and I'd have felt really unhappy and unsupported if my DH had done this. I think that spending time together and stopping BFing are separate things that you and your DH should discuss separately. 'Everyone else does it' is a pretty rubbish argument, as everyone has different situations / priorities.

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HamishBamish · 06/07/2015 15:45

We went away for 1 night when ours were 4 and 6 and they stayed at their GP's. Since then they have stayed over for 4 nights during school holidays. We haven't actually been away, but working. We are only 30 minutes away, so we could drop off and pick up each day, but they prefer to stay over.