Confident child

[Sadit]

My son is 7. He will be 8 soon and going into year 4 after summer. He is a sensitive soul who doesn't seem to realise his "value" and "self worth".
He has friends but seems to allow them to treat him badly (in the world of kids - not playing with him, ignoring him, edging him out of the group etc). can anyone recommend any books that I could read to support and help him build up his confidence?

[53Dragon]

You can't learn it from a book
Take heart - my son was just like this - in fact at 7 he still spent a lot of time clinging to my leg...
Now he's 21 - a confident, self-assured young man enjoying life, his job and with a lovely girlfriend whom he adores. He's also an athlete, competing at world class level in his chosen sport despite the fact that throughout school he was a rather chubby little chap who never made a school team

[Chunkamatic]

My 7 year old has suffered with self esteem and confidence issues, but has recently been making some good progress.
Things I think have helped are extra-curricular stuff. He does football, karate and drama. It has helped him to see there is a wider world than school and that you can be successful in different ways.
Do you think your son would enjoy a theatre group? Many of them focus on confidence and self esteem.
Also, my sons school have an extra support group for kids who struggle socially. I've only just found out about it! Maybe chat with his teachers?

[BackforGood]

I agree - a book isn't going to help.
i also think that he needs to find his 'niche'.... try out different hobbies until he finds his thing.

[Heartofgold25]

Sadit ~ I have a quieter child too, and I do completely understand how you feel. I feel the society we will live in today glorifies the type of personality that puts themselves 'out there' and seems to not celebrate the more studious, quieter and sensitive at all anymore. It is with real disdain that we find ourselves only celebrating the the extrovert when actually the introvert has so much to give to the world, their words are both incredibly considered and thoughtful. Traditionally in the UK we have always preferred the quiet elegance and the considered, we seem to have been brainwashed by american culture ~ the brash and the bold has ploughed through our old values.
However there are ways to fight back, and it starts with you completely accepting your child as he is, and not trying to 'improve' him in any way (I am not suggesting you would, but there is always a temptation if you think it will help him). It is not necessary for him to be anything other than what he is.
Is he quietly confident? Is he resilient?
If others are treating him badly he needs strategies to deal with them (that are in line with who he is as a person) school is a harsh place to be even for the most gregarious and resilient ~ it is not an ideal place to be if you are gentle by nature, however being gentle AND strong is a very powerful combination. Come up between you what is acceptable, what isn't, how to deal with unkindness, and how to remain yourself even if it is tough in the playground, he won't always be at school and in this situation. Help him to identify like minded souls and invite them over, or out for the afternoon. There must be other children that are similar, find out who they are and make in roads into getting them together. If he has a small group of like minded fellows this will instantly boost his confidence and happiness. He seems to me like he hasn't found his group yet, and you can help with this. Run through the class list, and then make a plan.
Make sure he cultivates friendships outside school, and hobbies that he genuinely enjoys will all be good for his soul. Celebrate other quieter well known or famous people, so he feels he is worthy and that it does not hinder. Research relentlessly the great and the good that did not shout endlessly about their own achievements, but simply went out in the world and did them.
I do believe he will find his way, with a little help and guidance, celebrate his gentle soul ~ he will make a wonderful husband, father and friend one day when is grown up ~ he will be infinitely more employable and well liked....school is just a stepping stone.

[Mutley77]

Agree with hobbies. My DD was known as very shy and timid by her year 1 teacher and barely put her hand up in class. In her Year 5 report yesterday she was praised for her "natural public speaking ability"

DD did drama for a year or two (it wasn't serious drama but was a lovely group with a brilliant teacher on a Saturday morning) and definitely gave her confidence. She has always done a lot of extra-curriculur activities though, which gives them that wider perspective of life outside school and family - especially important where there are friendship issues at school as they can learn how to have friendships outside of school.

I have also always promoted time with friends out of school. If they enjoy time with another child after school (less pressured one on one environment, esp if you are naturally quiet) it helps in forming those relationships in the classroom in my experience. It feels exhausting at times as I seem to have children here all the time with 2 of school age but so worth it for my DC - and they leave by 5pm so still time for family time too.