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How do you 'discipline' your 3yo?(11 Posts)
DS1 is 3yo next month and has just started testing boundaries in recent weeks. Nothing too extreme just a lot of demanding and shouting NO and refusing to do things, not listening, testing how rough he can be with his little brother... A bit of throwing and kicking toys, not when he's upset but more let's see what happens if I do this.
To be fair he's mostly just bit annoying - putting his fingers up your nose while trying to read at bedtime, major delaying tactics at bath time, when leaving house etc - rather than naughty and sometimes it's hard to distinguish when you're feeling tired and irritable and frustrated etc. I know most of the time he just wants attention and a good dose of ignoring and distraction works but I think it's changing a bit now where we need to do a little more. I don't think I can avoid 'proper' parenting much longer
So I'm thinking it's probably a good time for the odd sticker chart/reward jar etc.
Shat have you found works for you?
What behaviour do you ignore and what is a non negotiable for you?
When my 3yo started shouting I just told him it was unacceptable and I didn't wish for him to act that way. I give 3 warnings and if it continues he loses a privilege (Ipad, cartoons or youtube videos are off limits) I never did naughty step or time out as it just isn't worth the battle In my opinion and warning about sanctions in regards to unwanted behavior works for us and gives child the opportunity to moderate their own behavior. If we are out and he plays up we give 3 warnings and if that fails we go home.
When DD was three we would do time outs on the stairs. The important thing though was not to leave her alone, one of us would sit with her until she was calmed down enough to listen to us and then say why her behaviour was wrong/upsetting. I always felt it important to try and project unconditional love and calmness whatever the situation was. Shouting / losing my temper makes me feel like a shit parent so I try not to do it.
There are two things I've learned. If a method of discipline doesn't work the first time then don't use it. The second thing, which was so freaking obvious when I thought about it, is that most "bad behaviour" is actually linked to the parent stressing because we need to be out of the house by a certain time and delaying tactics wind us up to the point where we get angry. So I just try and be more mellow, and build in extra time in the mornings to get ready so that if she wants to run around for a bit it's no biggy.
Like Roses comments above, if we are out and she is naughty, we go home, but we only give one warning. We have only had to go home once.
Nice calm request to stop doing whatever it is that he shouldn't be doing
If it's really dangerous or naughty, straight to naughty step.
Bribes and penalties mostly! 3 was a hard age. He got warnings before losing something or when refusing to do something we offered him some kind of reward. We also found playful parenting and 'races' quite effective. We reserved time out for violent behaviour only and dealt with everything else using a mixture of techniques depending on his or our mood!
worldgonecrazy you are so right about 'bad' behaviour being because I'm late and we're going to miss the bus and the day will be ruined and STOP MESSING AROUND AND LET ME DRESS YOU!!!!!
A warning, with an explanation, works a lot of the time for us. If she's not doing something then I do the countdown, which again works most of the time. If she doesn't respond to the warning or countdown then she does timeout, which is normally on the stairs. But she will sit on the naughty step, so I don't know how this works if your DC doesn't sit there.
After the step we have a quick explanation of why she is there, she apologies, then it's all hugs and carry on as normal.
We don't have to use it often now. Normally just a quick "stop that, DD, it's naughty" works, as she can talk through the reasons why and we occasionally talk about how naughty behaviour gets the step.
I often say 'see if you can have your shoes on by the time I count to 5' etc. I race dd where possible to keep her on track.
Natural consequences eg. 'If you don't hurry up we won't have time for a storey/play'
Last resort - naughty step or toy confiscation with a warning first unless dangerous or really bad.
but I often forget all of the above when I'm stressed/running late
or just having a shit parent day
In the latest Prima Baby magazine there's an article saying that the naughty step or time out doesn't work, and I've certainly found that to be my experience. We're trying ignoring minor bad behaviour and removing a toy for major bad behaviour. I can't say how well it works yet as it's early days.
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