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is it ok to lose temper with a 2 year old?(13 Posts)
I lost my temper with my two year old a couple of times each day I think. He was a professional button pusher. Losing your temper isn't an issue imo, but how you deal with the situation and calm yourself down is important.
Losing your temper with a 2 year old is not unheard of. Some 2 year olds can be incredibly testing.
It's the not knowing that must be so tough. Not being there, not really knowing what is going on between them. And given your experience with him, no wonder you're worried. I'd be out of my mind thinking about it.
Although she may be an angel with you, she may not be the same when around him, which is why he loses his temper. Not saying it's wrong or right, but something to think about?
I don't really have any advice, sorry.
I have lost my temper with my 2 year old, the worst time was when he threw a hard toy at his baby sister on purpose (she was 2 weeks old) I am ashamed at how I behaved, I told him to go away, get out of this room this instant, I shouted. It was wrong to behave like that, he probably didn't understand the consequences of throwing a toy and having a new baby is a challenging time for a toddler. I apologized to him, I explained that I was cross and scared but that I shouldn't have lost my temper and shouted at him to go away.
I have also had less serious loosing my temper events where I I have raised my voice and said something like "this has to STOP! You must STOP running away/throwing food about/banging on windows."
I aim to be a lovely gentle calm parent, and react to my children's behaviour by reading how they are feeling from their behaviour rather than just feeling cross and telling them to stop, I think I am that parent 90% of the time, but yes I do loose my temper with my children.
I think the difference is what happens when a parent looses their temper, I don't think that smacking or saying awful things or throwing things about is acceptable behaviour from anyone in any circumstance.
sounds like my ex and my dd. She's never had so much of a tantrum but it didn't stop him exploding in rage with her. Also a drinker and treated me much the way yours treated you (like a chimp smashing stuff up in a jungle and throwing, grabbing, shouting, swearing). I wonder if you can explain to the court / social services about his violence towards you as well to give them a rounder picture of him. Also, does he really want to see her that often? My ex was just doing what other people thought was best (mum/ex gf) and when I refused overnighters once I found out and insisted he only have her when his parents were around, he didn't seem fussed at all. They were more upset but I was adament and they all came to accept it.
I think it depends a lot on what you do when you lose your temper.
I've lost my temper at my 2/3yr old but the worst it involved was that I shouted instead of speaking calmly and in one case left the room because I was so angry.
So I think it is "ok" to lose your temper but not to throw things or be aggressive/threatening etc.
Losing your temper in our house means a stamp.of the foot, stomping off upstairs, a bit of shouting. Very rare.
In other people's homes, a loss of temper means smashing crockery, punching holes in doors, chasing people up the stairs, smacking dc, and much, much more.
So describing a "loss of temper" can be quite difficult. One person's loss of temper is another person's abusive situation.
So yes, I have lost my temper when my dc were small. But my loss of temper constitutes something that might be quite different to your ex's loss of temper.
You little one sounds angelic by imho unusual. Our of all my friends with kids the same age (2.9) they have been blooming hard work since 18 months. If you've never had your buttons pushed to breaking point you are very lucky. Please don't think everyone that has lost their cool is somehow a crap parent. That said with the issues surrounding your ex - professional advice from a family lawyer would probably go well.
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