Feelin stressed and guilty over 6 week old's crying(38 Posts)
DD spends part of every day crying for no reason that I can tell. It escalates up to raw-throated screaming, and the only thing I can do to stop it is VERY vigorous bouncing along with playing music which has a heavy beat. If I'm out there's virtually nothing I can do. Today she woke from sleeping in her pram when I was twenty minutes' walk from home and started absolutely screaming, though I'd fed her before I left. A nappy change made no difference. I managed to get her to go back to sleep in the baby carrier strapped to me, but only after a long period of full-on screaming, passers-by looking and commenting etc.
At the moment she seems to be a bit 'off' a lot of the time - she'll spend fifteen minutes or so looking at something, or cooing and smiling in response to me, which is absolutely lovely, but then the grizzling will start, and I dodge from thing to thing trying to find what she wants and not managing it. It's like her normal state is grizzling, and I'm just distracting her from it for a moment or so. She doesn't seem to need comfort from me, as she struggles and kicks when I pick her up, and only stops crying in response to bouncing and noise. It's getting me down, especially because I often end up feeling angry and frustrated, particularly when I'm out in public and I just can't do anything to help I don't want to be angry with her, she's only tiny and I know she's distressed for some reason. It's just that when she's screaming her lungs out in the street, I feel like there's a big neon arrow pointing at me saying 'Look! Look at this! Something going wrong over here!' I feel like a bad mother.
I'm pretty sure it's not colic, as she's very good after about 8pm and sleeps (bar feeds) from 11-6ish. Plus it doesn't come on after feeds. She's EBF and in the 75th centile for weight, doing just fine putting it on.
Is this normal? Are some babies just unsettled for a bit? Do they calm down? Could use some help
Ours sleeps from 8 or 9 until 6am, but he still has colic - traditional colic hits from afternoon through to early evening, although our son also gets trapped wind pain in the mornings. If she is grizzling a lot of the time, it would suggest continual low grade discomfort - this is what he was like until ten days ago, then we put him on to Aptamil Comfort milk and he's like a different baby, so much happier. Give it a go - Tescos have it in stock at the moment (there's been a fire at the depot so not much of it around just now). Note - cow & gate or SMA versions of Comfort milk are not as good.
That's interesting Jonty. I'm really keen to carry on BFing, but maybe I could try Infacol. A friend actually gave me some the other day, as her son no longer needs it.
Both of mine (one mixed fed, one EBF) did this, usually in the evening (before 8pmish) - colic is a catch all term for unexplained crying in a newborn so it's not necessarily related to pain.
I sat and rocked with them in a dark room for a couple of hours every night for a few weeks - then it stopped pretty much dead out of nowhere.
Thanks for the springtime Yes, exactly that: she grunts and thrashes when she feeds, pulls back off the nipple, arches her back. Not every time, and almost never at night, but regularly. Does this mean something?
I have a sling, and she does like it, but still need the bouncing, shushing, patting &/or music to settle when she's upset.
then it stopped pretty much dead out of nowhere Yes! This is the kind of thing I need to hear! oh please let it just stop . . .
Infant gaviscon has transformed my baby - apparently acid in his stomach was irritating his throat even though he isn't sick. Sounded very mucussy and coughs a lot. Health visitor noticed.
Both mine had reflux and this was life until 10/12 weeks then it got so much better.
It's awful at the time but it does pass. Hugs. X
My daughter was like that for the first few months. We had an excellent maternity nurse who is a fountain of knowledge and even she was flummoxed. We constantly had people commenting on how loud her crying was - er yes sadly she doesn't have a volume knob! The news that might give you some hope is that after about three months she settled down. She still has some lungs on her but cries what I would consider a normal amount.
Ooh but we did change her milk from aptamil to hip organic as it's much gentler on the stomach which may have helped
Is this normal?. Yes.
Are some babies just unsettled for a bit?. Yes.
Do they calm down?. Yes.
I assume the first thing you do when she cries is offer milk? You don't do say so in your OP. In my experience some babies just want to feed loads. After waking from a nap would be a classic time for a feed.
Could she be tired? If she spends 15 mind looking at a toy (assuming she's already fed since waking last) I reckon she'd ready for a nap and getting overtired, hence screaming
I totally get it was also bf and ds was like this. I would always try feeding first, regardless of when you last fed to see if it helped. We found gripe water made a big difference, infacol did nothing sadly. I also always took sling out and used to go for walk and sing to him- he also loved a dummy from 5 weeks. I totally understand the looks and comments especially as a first time mum but any parent knows how it feels so will be sympathising not judging. Keep going it will get better
I agree try feeding every time even if it's just been 15 mins since last time and also agree that 15 mins on a toy is A LOT. The first time my LO cried because he was over tired, I thought we'd have to go to hospital as I didn't know what was wrong then he just passed out. Sorry if you've tried these things. Good luck
I know the feelng, it does get you down but it will pass, chiropract
Please don't introduce a comfort formula if you intended to continue with EBF. Your breast milk is your own perfect 'comfort formula'.
It is normal, anyone you thought was looking at you is very unlikely to have been judging you, most probably a sympathy look as it is very stressful for the mother when a baby is screaming (crying is designed to be so you take action).
I'd rule out hunger or over tiredness first as others have suggested.
I obsessively used infacol with my first. Felt like I was doing something but not too sure!
You have my sympathy. dd was a 'crier' - very loud and hard to calm, , often for no apparent reason. It does get better, but it is horrible whilst it is going on. I must have cried almost as much as she did!
Things that helped a bit, apart from time:
Feeding on demand. It is amazing how quickly bf babies can be hungry again!
Realising how little activity / engaged time a young baby is capable of before getting overtired. Getting her to nap before she got upset helped -using whatever method works -taking out in buggy or car, introducing a dummy, rocking etc. I found the Baby Whisper book useful in thinking about timing and cues, although you can't follow it all if feeding on demand.
Dd was diagnosed with silent reflux and put on medication -worth talking to hv or gp to check for underlying problems like that or allergies.
Ds is now 5 weeks and starting to seem windy and refluxy, but thank god not crying with it nearly as much .... yet. I think individual personalities can come into it with babies too.
My DD pretty much cried all the time until 8 weeks and suddenly she would just sit happily in her bouncy chair! She was colicky though, gripe water seemed to help with her wind. You are in the toughest bit but it will start to change soon, and you sound like you're doing a great job
How much does she sleep in the day? I found my DS at that age started to stop just falling asleep as a newborn and would stay awake for ages and get very overtired and scream inconsolably. He needed to sleep on me and couldn't be put down to sleep easily anymore. At 6 weeks he could cope with a feed, change, and then maybe 15-20 mins of awake time before he was crying for a sleep again. Until I realised he wasn't just going to go to sleep in his basket if tired (I thought he was just staying awake longer through choice!) and started rocking and holding him for his naps and making a point of monitoring awake time and intervening to help him sleep, he'd be very screamy for a bit. Ditto if he slept for 10 mins and woke, he'd be upset if he still wanted to be asleep. Just a thought in case your baby is just starting to 'wake up' and stay awake for longer, overtiredness can create some very loud distress!
The feeding issues sounds like mine - i had fast let down and oversupply. They feed better at night as they're sleepy and suck more gently
or something like that , I followed the advice on kellymom website linked above which helped. Mine also has silent reflux though, which also causes back arching and feeding issues.
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