Attachment parenting return to work - freaking out!!

(10 Posts)
Katekoom Sat 13-Jun-15 22:32:59

My dd is 5 months and I return to work part time when she's 6 months, building up to full time from 8 months. She'll be going to a childminder.

I'm totally freaking out. I'm an attachment mummy, baby wearing, bed sharing and breastfeeding, I've never left her to cry.

She's never managed a nap without me, she naps on me, apart from in the car or pram on occasion. How will she manege with the childminder? Is it OK to tell the childminder I don't want her to be left to cry? I've been trying to get her to nap without me by oh giving her a bottle and trying to settle her but to no avail.

Any experience of this or advice?

FlossieTreadlight Sat 13-Jun-15 22:39:09

I'm not as attachment as you but both my kids went from being 'sleeping on me only' nappers to wanting to go into their own bed / self settling from about 7 months. Not saying that will definitely happen to you, but it's helpful to know these things! My childminder is amazing and I know she respects my wishes regarding my DD. My DS starts there later this year, my DD thinks the sun shines out of her...

Returning to work is daunting and challenges all the things you've been doing for the last 5 months. It will be fine thanks

Roseybee10 Sat 13-Jun-15 22:56:01

Hugs. Going back to work is so, so hard.
I'm quite an attached parent I guess although BF didn't work out for us (still gutted). I baby wear, have co sleeping cot etc and don't believe in leaving them to cry.
Dd2 is four months now and has started to prefer going to bed in her own and having her own space weirdly so I've just gone with it (dd1 needed cuddled to sleep til 14 months which was fine and that's what we did).
Babies are great at adjusting to different circumstances and she'll find her own way with the child minder that might be completely different from the way you do things.

It's absolutely ok to tell them you do t want her left to cry it out. However I do think you need to be realistic. Dd2 is probably left to grumble far more often than dd1 was because I don't have a choice. I can't hold dd2 all the time because I also have to care for dd1. She's either thrown in the sling or she needs to wait sometimes for a few minutes until I fix lunch for dd1 or help her to the toilet etc. I would never leave her to cry but sometimes I need to let her grump for a few minutes. Obviously a child minder will have more than one child to care for so it won't be the kind of one on one care you're able to give your LO.
I found it horrible at first going back with dd1 (still on Mat leave with dd2) but you get used to it. I think the worst part was having to relinquish control of her routine and trust someone else to 'get it right'. It does feel like because you know your LO so well that no one else will be able to comfort her or do things 'right' and it's an awful feeling. X

Acorncat Sun 14-Jun-15 14:42:01

My DS also only slept on me for the first 7 months but then just wriggled so wanted to sleep in the bed. He also stopped cuddling into me while we sleep, I guess it's an age thing. He still feeds to sleep though so I'm having a similar panic about going back to work and how they're going to get him to sleep. Sorry, no advice though.

MioNome Sun 14-Jun-15 16:11:20

DS1 went to nursery at 14mo and had never fallen asleep without boob (except car and buggy). He didn't have a dummy/blanket/comforter of any kind. I was sure he'd simply never nap...
First day there they cuddled him to sleep, after that they patted him but soon after he started lying down and falling asleep by himself.
Pack behaviour is very strong you'll be surprised what they do at the CM/nursery that you can never get them to do at home grin
She's probably a very secure happy little girl what with all the closeness she's had, she'll be fine. Good luck

Buglife Sun 14-Jun-15 19:22:45

I wasn't specificay or intentionally 'attachment' with DS but I did and still do baby wear him (also buggy) and he only napped on me until he was about 7-8 months old (10 months now) when he naturally became more independent and sleeps happier and longer in the quiet in his cot and also wants to be roaming around playing himself. It's perhaps an age thing as much as your parenting style so after a few sessions with the childminder your DD will most likely get into the swing of things and adapt. It's terrifying to think they won't be someone's sole attention (DS goes to Nursery when he turns 11 months) but while yor childminder naturally won't be able to drop what she's doing with all her other charges to deal with your DD, I doubt she'd ever let her 'cry anything out'. At 6 months I couldn't bear a squeak from DS without attending him, but tbh now he's 10 months and crying is more an angry shout that he can't eat the remote control/smash a bat against the wall/has to have sun cream on, it's naturally something I deal with more stoically! I've also had my DM and DH look after him at night and do bedtime which helps me realise that he can and will settle without me.

TheGirlAtTheRockShow Mon 15-Jun-15 04:56:44

I guess I am unintentionally attachment parenting, DD is breastfed and pretty much still a Velcro baby at nearly a year old. Always wants to play bear or on me. She's still BF'd/rocked to sleep, but can self settle through most of the night.
At the childminder she's like a different baby - much more willing to do her own thing, and they can just put her down and she goes to sleep on her own! Took a couple weeks of being cuddled a lot by them for her to settle there.

Mehitabel6 Mon 15-Jun-15 05:32:32

You have a bit of time? Where is dad in all this? Can he spend more time while you go out and leave him to it? More time with grandparents? It will be a different relationship with the childminder- they are very adaptable.

coniferssilhouette Mon 15-Jun-15 08:45:26

Of course you can tell the childminder you don't want her left to cry! What sort of hours will you be working? Are you using a bottle of expressed milk or formula? Expressed milk will be more likely to be successful as formula tastes so different.

LittleBearPad Mon 15-Jun-15 09:07:53

The fact she'll take a bottle is good, does OH settle her with you about. You may need to go out for a walk so she can't see you for a bit. The childminder won't leave her to cry if you don't want her to. I'd be surprised if she did even if you didn't say anything. The point about the cm having other children is true so dd won't get picked up the moment she would by you but to be fair DS doesn't get picked up as quickly as his older sister simply because I have her to look after too. It will be fine. Don't worry

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