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DP back to work tomorrow, any advice on how to cope with two?

(24 Posts)
imwithspud Wed 10-Jun-15 17:45:01

My DP's paternity leave finishes today, he was meant to have booked tomorrow and Friday off and return to work on Monday but the silly man forgot to ring his work to arrange it so he's back tomorrow. First time round I wasn't so daunted by the prospect of him going back to work how ever this time round I have a 2.5 year old and of course a newborn and I really have no idea how I'm going to fit everything in, especially as newborn likes to be held a lot and takes ages to settle after a feed.

I'm sure it's perfectly manageable since people do it every day. I have a baby carrier which should help a lot. I'm just wondering if anyone had any other tips on how to cope? Let's just say I'm not expecting to get a lot done housework or cooking wise.

buntingbingo Wed 10-Jun-15 17:49:27

Forget housework. Eat whatever is easy to make. Try and get out the house. Do whatever has to be done to make life easy for for yourself, normal diets, routines, cleaning habits etc will come back soon enough there is no rush. Mainly just be kind to yourself.

dontcryitsonlyajoke Wed 10-Jun-15 17:50:10

If it all goes to pot, either take the kids out or plonk them in the bath. Fresh air and water work wonders!

Don't aim too high. Congratulate yourself on what you've achieved, not on what you've failed to do.

If they're both crying, ways go to the toddler first.

Be kind to yourself.

There's no such thing as too much cbeebies when you have a toddler and newborn.

Warn your DH by text if you've had a shit day so he can prepare himself for walking in and being immediately handed two children by a sobbing wife. That way he can prepare himself, and can't get angry with you for springing it on him!

Pack your change bag every evening so you know you can grab it and get out of the house with them if you urgently need to!

Want2bSupermum Wed 10-Jun-15 17:57:50

Pack the change bag the night before with everything including a spare £20 and set of house keys. I also prepared all meals the day before so I shoved it in the microwave for 30s or, even better, removed the cling film and placed on the table.

If you have a garden sit out with your 2.5yr old and let the baby sleep on the ground in the shade. Failing that it's television!

Lastly, if you're like me and need a shower in the morning jump in just before DH normally does. Wash hair at night.

Christobel51 Wed 10-Jun-15 18:08:11

Congratulations on your new baby. My advice would be to get out of the house, if you do nothing else. smile. I had 2 who were 17 months apart and I went to every play group and children's centre session going. I went out twice a day every day for the first few weeks, even if it was just to the supermarket or park as it was easier than being stuck at home, trying to entertain a toddler! By the time I had got myself and the toddler and the baby ready, got out, undressed everyone the other end ( a winter baby so lots of layers to put on and take off!) and done the activity it was time to get dressed again and go home! Don't expect to be cooking gourmet dinners, your husband can do that when he gets home (warn him of this!) and the hoovering can wait. And if you are out a lot, then the toddler isn't messing the place up with toys!! Your baby will get used to split feeds and disturbed naps! And yes to going to the toddler first if they are both crying. Enjoy them both. smile

lexyloub Wed 10-Jun-15 18:13:56

I found it easier once dh went back to work I got myself into a little routine. Organise as much as you can the night before and try get out the house every day even if it's just a walk to the shops. Do the absolute minimum of house work and cbeebies or ipads for toddler are your friend whilst feeding baby.

LosingNemo Wed 10-Jun-15 18:18:17

I agree with all of the above - a sling is fab if your child likes it, sack off housework, easy meals, toddler groups etc.

What I really wanted to say is that, yes it's scary but totally doable - I wrote / followed this sort of thread 6 months ago and I really did not think I'd survive and yet here we are! Basically don't be too scared, you'll be fine!!
Finally if you can get any nursery care / people offer to babysit - say yes!
Congratulations flowers

Jenny1231990 Wed 10-Jun-15 19:59:27

Congratulations
You'll be fine. I have a 13 month old and my baby is 3weeks old now.
OH had to go back to work a week after I had her, I found it difficult at first as still didn't feel great myself, but this last week I'm doing ok and feel good.
House work has taken a back seat and i try to do that what he's back in the evening.
I make sure all bottles are sterilised the night before and clothes ready.
I've also got a 6 year old so we all need to be up, dressed and out the house by 8.
I make sure the bottles I need, spare clothes, nappies are in changing bag the night before, uniform ironed and lunches made.
It's hard going at first but I think we are getting our own routine now.
If I make spag Bol or something I make enough for 2 meals and freeze for another evening.
I've also found if they are abit Whiney to get outside with them. My newborn likes to be on me to so she's been in the carrier lately x

imwithspud Wed 10-Jun-15 20:03:31

Thanks everyone! Love the idea of packing the changing bag the night before and tending to toddler first if they're both crying is fab advice. Tested out the caboo carrier earlier too and that should help a lot I reckon. Baby seemed to enjoy being in it. Might take trip to the local park tomorrow, it's only a short walk away. Fingers crossed!

MadgeMak Wed 10-Jun-15 20:15:06

Use your carrier and CBeebies. Both were godsends for me.

imwithspud Wed 10-Jun-15 20:43:45

Oh yes, I definitely think CBeebies and the kids section of Netflix will be my sanity savers over the coming months, that and the back garden when summer finally arrives.

Hillijx Wed 10-Jun-15 21:37:48

Just had my third all within 3.5 years.....you imagine it to be harder than it is and you will quickly get into the swing of things and wonder how 1 was ever hard work! Biggest tip, don't feel guilty, I found I felt guilty about not spending as much time with dd1 and about leaving dd2 on the playmat and about the meals I no longer cooked, tv ....etc! Good luck and it's only 2 days until the weekend not that I'm counting blush

domesticslattern Wed 10-Jun-15 21:49:39

Do as little as possible.
I always read here about people making cupcakes with a newborn and a toddler and I think no! That is too stressful! Just mooch about gently enjoying each others company and not over reaching yourself. Library, park, collecting stones in the back garden, paddling pool... Keep it simple. It's all small DC need. And fgs shop online.
Good luck! I remember feeling v daunted both times before DH went back to work.

imwithspud Wed 10-Jun-15 22:17:16

I've been doing online shopping since a few weeks before I was due grin walking around a supermarket was complete murder on my back and hips towards the end. Safe to say that's how I'll be doing the food shop for the foreseeable future at least.

I'm so glad people have said to not do too much and that Cbeebies is a life saver, I was already feeling mum-guilt about the prospect of DC1 watching way too much TV over the coming weeks. I had a little cry earlier over the prospect of being left alone with both kids, my DP has been incredible over the past few weeks, even before DC2 arrived so the thought of being 'left to it' is very scary at the moment. Being left alone with one child was one thing, I could sleep when baby slept and not worry about anything else, this time it's a whole different ball game.

dontcryitsonlyajoke Thu 11-Jun-15 06:18:17

Don't be surprised if you do find it hard. It is, so it doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. Learning to balance everyone's needs including your own takes time. The first few months with 2 were my toughest (tougher even than when we threw a non-sleeping DC3 into the mix) So be kind to yourself, celebrate your victories and take loads of photos of your good days/hours/moments to remind you that you're brilliant grin

Good luck today!

imwithspud Thu 11-Jun-15 07:57:24

DP has just left for work, newborn is sleeping peacefully in the Moses basket for now so I'll be able to fix dc1's breakfast with no trouble (and maybe a little something for myself). I've told DP to expect to come home this evening to a dithering wreckconfused

LosingNemo Fri 12-Jun-15 06:40:52

How did you get on yesterday? X

junemami Fri 12-Jun-15 07:48:23

Have somewhere safe you can put them baby down if you need to pop out to the loo etc. Travel cot with Moses basket or bouncer in has been great, no need to worry about the big one crushing/picking the baby up when my back is turned this may have happened a few times prior to travel cot being dug out

Athenaviolet Fri 12-Jun-15 07:50:22

'Everyone fed, no one dead'

ThinkIveBeenHacked Fri 12-Jun-15 07:58:00

Love that Athena

Set the bar incredibly low. Evebtually it will become second nature and you will be able to incorporate more into your day but dont rush it.

imwithspud Fri 12-Jun-15 10:40:28

Yesterday was okay thank you. Made the most of the lovely weather and spent the afternoon in the garden which kept the toddler amused for a few hours as the newborn was nursing pretty frequently. I even managed to load and switch on the dishwasher.

It's definitely a learning curve but it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be, not yet anyway. The only thing that's bothering me is the fact that the house isn't as tidy as I'd like it but that's just something I'm going to have to get used to until I can figure out some sort of routine.

Christelle2207 Fri 12-Jun-15 10:45:03

Hello again spud
This was me on tuesday! 2 week old and 22m old. I've not found it quite as bas as I thought tbh just focussed on getting through the day. I do think at least one trip out the house per day is good psychologically and makes it easier to justify cbeebies time once back at home.

cowbiscuits Fri 12-Jun-15 11:01:35

Well done on surviving the first day!

Following for tips! Perhaps we need a support thread for this! My younger one is 6 weeks.

Same age gap here and I'm lucky that DS1 is in nursery 3 days. But the days with just me and the two boys are so tough! Only had about 4 days with just me, r because of the bank holidays and my mum coming over every fortnight for the day.

Haven't got any tips because I'm learning myself, but the carrier/sling is essential. I could not be without my slings, especially as my baby is can't stand being put down.

Its horrific when they are both crying. Trying to get out the house for a certain time is hell too.

Tuesday I found myself becoming a horrible shouty bitch of a mummy. I lost my rag with Ds1 refusing to get dressed for music group while I needed to go to the baby who wanted a feed. I really yelled at the poor boy and made him cry sad

Hope you're doing OK

imwithspud Fri 12-Jun-15 16:14:45

Hi Christelle! I'm definitely just focussing on getting through the day ignoring the fact that newborn is sleeping soundly in her basket for the first time today and toddler is playing with stickers so I really should be doing something more productive than mumsnet. I've not braved a trip out on my own with them both yet. I think we're all going to go out as a family tomorrow, and then next week I'm going to put my big girl pants on and go out on my own with them. DP has been taking DC1 out whilst he was off so at least she hasn't been completely cooped up these past couple of weeks.

Cowbiscuits don't worry about being a shouty mummy, even before DC2 arrived I found myself shouting at toddler more than I care to admit. Terrible 2's have well and truly hit and the not listening to what I say has driven me to the brink of insanity at times. I've been told it does get easier though.

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