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I don't think I'm a good Mum

(8 Posts)
bellerous Tue 09-Jun-15 09:46:55

Lately I've been feeling that I'm not good enough to be a mum. I'm finding things really difficult and don't look forward to the days where it's just me and my son. I love him more than anything and he's such a lovely, funny little boy but He's in a throwing and hitting phase and it's driving me insane. He throws absolutely everything and hits everyone. We are currently living with my in laws saving for our own house and I'm always worrying that my son is annoying them or that they think I'm a bad mum, that I'm not doing things right. My father in law makes comments that he needs more discipline but how can you really discipline a 17 month old? He thinks it's funny when I say no and I don't think he's being naughty I just think he doesn't Understand. He's allowed to throw a ball so why can't he throw his toy animals? I'm just finding it all very stressful and feel really judged all the time. If he falls over and hurts himself they say things like 'how did you let that happen' 'I never took my eyes off the kids so they never hurt themselves' 'make sure you're watching him' I feel like they think I'm a crap mum and then I start to think maybe I am. I feel like the most miserable woman alive constantly shouting and saying no. I find myself clock watching sometimes for nap time and then I feel terrible that I'm wishing the time away. I work 3 days a week so it's only 2 days that it's just the 2 of us and I used to love it but I'm not enjoying it at the moment and feel guilty for it. Is this normal? I don't know what to do.

TwerkingSpinster Tue 09-Jun-15 09:53:53

I've just had a holiday with my in laws, and Jesus.....they never.stopped.nagging! Even to the point if hanging onto the pram as if I couldn't steer it well enough!! You are living under a microscope of impossible scrutiny so its no wonder every bump or unhealthy snack is blown up into a drama. Can you move out? I worry that these precious years are being tainted by the in laws.

Newtobecomingamum Tue 09-Jun-15 10:11:26

You are NOT a bad mum. I constant clock watch.. For nap time and for when hubby gets home!! It's bloody hard work being a mum and you have it doubly hard having to put up stupid comments from your in laws!

I know it's difficult but just rise above it and remember it's not for ever! Could your partner have a word with them or would that rock the boat?

My 20m doesn't understand when he's being naughty and if I say no he laughs too and does it even more to wind me up!! Distracting him helps sometimes. You sound like you're doing your best! What more can you do!

They are going to fall over they are toddlers lol. I would just try and ignore their stupid remarks.

You're doing a great job! Always remember that! flowers

Cloggal Tue 09-Jun-15 10:13:11

Move out from the in laws' if you can. Your boy is going through a totally typical and infuriating phase, you are understandably finding it hard - so far so normal. It's the unhelpful comments that are pushing this into a bigger issue. Don't allow them to spoil this time, it can be hard enough without this. You sound like a great mum.

electionfatigue Tue 09-Jun-15 10:38:04

My daughter fell off a climbing frame and broke her wrist on my watch. These things happen.

PicnicPie Tue 09-Jun-15 10:47:58

This age is really hard as they do not understand. My dd is 2.5 and is now starting to understand consequences of behaviours, time out and reasoning. Up til now the only thing that worked was distraction and not making a big deal of the "naughty behaviour".

Also at this age, and now the weather is better could you take your DS out to the park, swimming, soft play etc. Anything hat will tire him out and pass the time.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Parenting isn't easy.

NickyEds Tue 09-Jun-15 13:48:31

Your in laws are being totally ridiculous. In answer to your question, no you can't "discipline" a 17 month old. Or at least i can't as mine sounds very much like yours! Ds also laughs when I say "no". At the moment I'm just trying to distract him from naughty things. What do they want you to do? Naughty step? Star charts? Good luck! At 17 months they can just about understand that some things are naughty but I don't think that they can make a connection between "If I do x mummy will do y and I don't want her to so I won't do x"-It's just beyond them. They also don't have it in them to be malicious.
Toddlers fall over. Ds falls over every day. Every.Single. Day. In a rare moment of wisdom my hv actually said that a toddler without a few bumps and bruises would worry them more than one with. It shows that they're exploring the world.
Don't feel bad about the clock watching. I'm a SAHM and love it but come 11.30 (or "nearly nap time") and 5.30 ("nearly Daddy time") I'm clock watching. It's normal. This is hard and days can be long with a toddler.
Get out whilst you can!!! Or learn to close your ears, smile and nod.

joopy79 Tue 09-Jun-15 13:59:07

I have a 17 month old top who giggles when I say no. He also had a nasty bump from falling over which everyone commented on but no one told me to watch him more-a ridiculous insensitive comment from your in-laws.

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