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How do I deal with this little kid? Bit unsure.

(14 Posts)
Psipssina Mon 08-Jun-15 17:45:56

We moved here 6 months ago and gradually Ds1 has been making friends with pretty much every kid in the street - there are loads.

There's one boy who is really bothering me.

He is just 11 I think. Still at primary and not sure if he is Y5 or 6.

He lives round the corner a bit further than the others but is always here playing with someone or wandering about on his own. He is polite but extremely persistent.

The problem is he has no idea about boundaries and appears to come from a pretty troubled background, and we are both finding him difficult to deal with and say no to (me, Ds1).

He has in the past told ds1 that he was locked in a cupboard when he was small, pushed down stairs, that his Gran knocked out his father by punching him, that he now lives with his mum and stepdad.
He has cried a few times in front of the other boys.
He often waits outside our house/other houses.

He seems to be out all day, when he isn't at school. One day months ago when they first met, he asked ds1 to go round for a sleepover; I said no, the same day he took ds1 to his house but they were met with some hostility and weren't allowed in.
He also talks about having fallen out with other children because they were nasty about his mum losing a baby (not likely - I know the boy he was talking about, there's no way that happened)
He's apparently been on X factor and got the gold button(?)

He also said the other day he's been excluded for punching a teacher (untrue)

It all seems like a massive need for dramatic stories and attention seeking. Ds can't deal with all the lies he keeps telling and the pressure/emotional blackmail.

He has started ringing our bell and knocking urgently several times a day, waiting around, peering through windows, etc.

He got ds1's number off another friend and has been calling him a lot. I asked ds to block the number yesterday morning after some pleading to go out to play when ds1 was revising (is in Y7).

This morning ds1 had 36 missed calls from him.

He's just been round again. I don't know what to do - if anything? Poor kid has a lot on his plate but it is getting beyond a joke. sad

4candles Mon 08-Jun-15 18:01:21

I am afraid i don't have any useful advice. But, I think this child needs more help and support than you and your DS can give.

Hopefully someone will come soon with some helpful

Psipssina Mon 08-Jun-15 18:03:04

Thanks. I think the family is well known to SS so no point reporting anything.

He is so desperate and so lonely.

CultureSucksDownWords Mon 08-Jun-15 18:08:03

Do you know the boy's family - have you met them? If you think they are approachable you could go round and explain that the boy needs to realise his behaviour is too much.

I would also be encouraging your DS to realise that he doesn't need to be friends with everyone. He can be polite with this boy, but step back from actively playing with him.

If you can't approach them, then you will have to be firm and persistent with him until he realises what the boundaries are. If you have concerns about him being neglected during the day then perhaps you could speak to your local social services and let them know.

Spidergirl2015 Mon 08-Jun-15 18:08:07

:-( poor kid. I really don't know what to suggest. If it were me I might start by giving him a time/ day when it's convienent so he doesn't knock in the meantime. Could you chat with him maybe too? It sounds tough.

NellysKnickers Mon 08-Jun-15 18:13:24

Poor kid. A kind word would go a long way, bless him, he sounds troubled. I would be torn, wanting to help but not wanting dc to feel pressurised.

Psipssina Mon 08-Jun-15 19:22:54

Thanks guys. I had thought of speaking to him gently explaining that there's no need to tell stories as people will like him more if he is just honest about his life. I'm not sure how that would go down tbh, I'm not close with him.

His family went past once with their dog and baby, they seemed alright but they didn't actually speak even though they were in front of our house going quite slowly for a while, and I was trying to make polite conversation.

I don't know if they were afraid I'd judge them, thought I was a nosy cow, or just the sort to keep themselves to themselves.

I wonder if they just basically chuck him out into the world every day and don't let him come in.

They aren't the sort of people who would take kindly to a chat.

I'm trying to guide ds through it but he feels bad of course. Another 18 missed calls this evening, after I told the little boy ds was busy.

CultureSucksDownWords Mon 08-Jun-15 19:56:40

Is it possible to completely block the number so you are unaware how many missed calls there are?

JustWantToBeDorisAgain Mon 08-Jun-15 20:00:14

Do you know which school he attends? If so I would have a quiet word with the school about his behaviour, it may be something they are already aware of and can work on with him. It would also help them build a bigger picture of his home life ( especially if he lies regularly). Whilst you say SS are involved, it may be that they are not actively working with the family at present.

He needs to learn how to read social cues and respond and at present he isn't being supported to do this ( poor boy) but that's not to say it's your responsibility!

Ps if he is 11 he will be yr6

Psipssina Mon 08-Jun-15 20:01:06

I don't think so - Ds has blocked it but they still show up, though the phone doesn't ring. Little lad hasn't yet learned to text - I'm glad about that.

I guess he might get the message if ds just doesn't answer it any more. I might tell ds to tell him he's lost the phone or changed his number or something.

I'd see that as a white lie, not ideal but it might be for the best.

Psipssina Mon 08-Jun-15 20:02:40

x posts. Yes I know the school but I doubt there is much I can tell them that they aren't already aware of? I hope they are trying to help.

Ds thinks he is 11 but I'm not sure.

I wonder if I should talk to him. I don't know. He probably doesn't have a clue that what he is doing is putting people off him.

QuiteLikely5 Mon 08-Jun-15 20:06:25

I feel terribly sorry for this boy. Such a sad post.

I don't actually think you can do anything much. You could if you wanted offer the boy your time and human warmth but I k ow it isn't your responsibility.

Not always or constantly but maybe sometimes? He will remember your kindness and it will help him build resilience within his life.

He sounds like a sort of like a stray cat who keeps coming back...........

CultureSucksDownWords Mon 08-Jun-15 20:11:25

I think you should mention your concerns and issues with this boy to social services and also to his school. You don't know what they know about him at the moment, and it's not really up to you to try and second guess it. Tell them factually as you have done here. If they're already aware then that's fine, no harm done. If they don't know then it might be very helpful for them and they might be able to address this boy's needs.

Psipssina Mon 08-Jun-15 20:38:43

Maybe you're right. I don't know. I'll think it over.

Half of me wants to go out there, seek him out (wouldn't be difficult) and ask him to come in and give him some cake and just be really nice to him.

The other half of me has enough trouble dealing with a stroppy 2.5yo, an 8yo and a 12yo let alone another kid.

Also whatever I do and however nice I am to him it won't change his life. He will still ne miserable and what's more I'll probably end up with a cross parent at my door. I don't know what sort of lies he will go home and tell them about us iyswim? He could say anything.

Plus I am scared of their dog blush

I will think of how I can include him more. But I am exhausted already and don't have any of their friends in the house - it's a building site (literally - no kitchen, half a bathroom, stuff everywhere) and I'm a bit like his folks, I suppose, in that I find children quite difficult.

Meanwhile I will just try and be as nice as possible and get him talking a bit if I can.

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