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7yo Daughter to meet half siblings??

(14 Posts)
Sootica87 Mon 08-Jun-15 16:20:10

After 7 years I finally contacted CSA to get my ex to pay some maintenance for our daughter. He has denied she exists up until they wanted a DNA test (which came back positive). He has never seen her except when she was a couple of weeks old and has had no contact with her - his choice!
He has since had children with his wife. She contacted me to find out what was going on when CSA contacted them, and now wants my daughter and her children to have contact. But she doesn't want my daughter to have contact with her father. She says he doesn't deserve to have contact.
My problem is I think it would be far to confusing for my daughter getting to know these half siblings without actually meeting the man that connects them.
Does that make sense? I want to try and do whats best for her.

AddictedtoGreys Mon 08-Jun-15 17:07:25

its a tough one. doe your dad know about her father or half siblings? does her father want contact with her?

AddictedtoGreys Mon 08-Jun-15 17:07:46

your DD* not your dad

Sootica87 Mon 08-Jun-15 17:41:26

She does know him, or at least that he is her father. She's never met him. I told her at about 4yo that her step dad was exactly that (my OH has been there since she was 2 months old). She shows no interest in knowing anything about her biological father.
I have no problem with her seeing that side of the family, I'm just unsure of whether having a relationship with just her half siblings with confuse the matter.
The things we go through for our kids confused

LemonYellowSun Mon 08-Jun-15 17:44:06

Are they now separated then?

Sootica87 Mon 08-Jun-15 19:12:57

No they're still together! Thats the weird thing. She's making the decisions for him and saying that because he knew about DD but didn't make any attempt at seeing her he doesn't deserve to see her now. But she wants their kids to see her!

Noeuf Mon 08-Jun-15 19:18:24

Wtf? She sounds like a nutter. Are you sure he actually knows about the CsA? What kind of person would stay married but use someone else's child as a kind of pawn? Talk to him not her.

Tequilashotfor1 Mon 08-Jun-15 19:20:26

It's not up to her if your dds dad sees his dd. That's between you, dd and her father.

I'd be really wary of a woman that's already trying to control the situation.

Sootica87 Mon 08-Jun-15 19:32:20

I've spoken to him on fb about it so he definitely knows, she's told him not to talk to me so every time I message him I get no reply. He's obviously not interested in seeing DD, at the moment she isn't interested in seeing him, I don't want to put more pressure on her to meet these kids, especially when she hasn't even met her father yet.
I think she's told her kids because she doesn't want them finding out she knew and lied to them.

saturnvista Mon 08-Jun-15 20:13:55

What business is it of hers if your DD gets to see her biological dad? This is not a decision that she should be making for either of you! She doesn't sound like she has your DD's best interests at heart either - deciding who deserves to see who, indeed! I've heard it all now!

I actually agree with you that it would be better for your DD not to see siblings who know her dad while she doesn't. That would raise a lot of inevitably hurtful issues.

Tequilashotfor1 Mon 08-Jun-15 21:34:34

Stay well clear of this fuck up. She sounds very jealous.

Just go for your CS and guck them all off

Sootica87 Tue 09-Jun-15 11:47:55

Thank you all for your replies. It has made my decision a lot easier getting your opinions!!
As you say it's between me, the ex and DD. He doesn't want to be involved so I think I'll leave it to DD to make the decisions when she's old enough to.

Pocket1 Fri 12-Jun-15 23:02:26

I'm no expert but I think you've made the right decision. Doesn't feel like it's the right time to change a situation that is working for you and your family at the moment smile

Shootingstar2289 Sat 13-Jun-15 21:42:51

This is blizzare. If they had split, it would be ok I guess.

I have never had a relationship with my father but I know my half sisters well but neither my mum nor their mum were no longer with him when we met (well funnily enough, I already knew one of them shock )

I believe that the reason my father never bothered was because of his third wife who he met shortly after splitting with my Mother. As she wanted him to herself and ended up having children of their own.

Funnily enough, I actually seen her today, in the street, shopping 25 miles away from home. Only recognised her through photos on facebook and that her daughter is exactly like me! confused. Not sure if she would of known if it was me or not. I literally walked right last her and look so much like her daughter lol.

Your daughter will grow up and know that you've don't EVERYTHING for her and that her dad is a waste of space. I was brought up by my mums husband. I don't even think about that my dad never wanted to see me - I'm in my 20s, with my own children! Just don't get how a dad can reject their children when my partner is such a doting dad to our children..

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