How much to tell them about birth

[Brewster]

We are planning a home birth for our 3rd baby.
if we are lucky I guess baby will come in the night when they are sleeping but if not I want them prepared as i don't want them banned from the room and it to all be a freaky taboo thing.

How much do i tell them?
They will be 3.5 and 7 but the time baby comes.

Anyone had a home birth and allowed the other kiddies to walk in and out? how much did you tell them?

[fattymcfatfat]

I didn't have a homebirth but I didn't keep anything secret from DS. he is now 6 and since I was pregnant with his sister (so 4/5) he has known that babies come out of a ladies vagina and that it hurts a lot, like when he needs a really big poo but even more! and that I bleed. he knows they usually come out with their head first, and that they have a special line from their belly button which connects them to Mummy and this line needs to be cut, but it doesn't hurt. he also knows that they swim in water so it might look like Mummy has peed herself but really it means baby is nearly ready to come out.

[Brewster]

wow - mine don't know about vaginas yet but they know it comes out near your peeper (!).
don't want them to know too much about how much it hurts as my boy was very upset at the thought of my being in pain so don't want to freak them out but obviously need to prepare them that there may be noises and what not!!

really not sure what to say for the best!

[Roseybee10]

I had a home birth and watched obem with my 2.5 year old dd so she was prepared for funny noises and saw where the baby came out. Then I gave her the choice of being a home during the birth or going to my mums. She chose to go to my mums haha.
Was probably a good thing tbh. I wasn't a noisy labourer with dd1 but made very weird noises with dd2 while pushing. Went totally primal. X

[Brewster]

not really an option for them to go away.

i could go to hospital of course but i would rather not this time.

[puddymuddles]

Very interested in this. Due in 10 days with DC3 and planning homebirth too. Have DD1 (4) and DD2 (2). They know baby is in my tummy but I am not sure how to explain to 4 year old how it gets out. I don't want to tell her it hurts as don't want to put worries in her mind about having babies in future - maybe am over thinking things. Also not sure what to do about them coming in the room etc. I am hoping is quick labour at night (DD2 was 4 hour labour at night and nearly didn't make the hospital)

[mooma3]

puddy - this is exactly it.
don't want to say too much but got to be enough doenst it.
but what if it is at night and they don't need to know any of the details?


tough one

Good luck

[BewilderedAndAngry]

I've never had a home birth but spoke about labour/delivery quite a lot with my older 2 when the younger 2 came along.

My advice would be to be as honest and factual as you can be.
Baby comes out between mummy's legs, it takes a while to get there, sometimes a long time. The muscles squeeze really, really hard and that hurt but it helps to get the baby where it needs to be, so it's a 'good' pain (not what it feels like at the time, I know, but I am trying to make a difference to a 'bad' pain, like when you fall over and skim your knee). There will be watery stuff and bloody stuff and when the baby comes out they might look all squished and mucky and bloody. The placenta follows - that's what kept the baby alive all the time inside mummy's tummy. And yes, do mention the cord being cut and that it does not hurt either party.

IME, children are very matter of fact. Play it all down, emphasise the positive aspects ('we'll have a baby by the end of it, yay!') and how exciting it all is. Don't put your apprehensions about birth on to them - they have no clue what it is really like (does anybody before they actually do it?!) and will just want to be reassured that all is well.

Good luck when the time comes

[Waterandtea]

I found [http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hello-Baby-Jenni-Overend/dp/1845071107?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 this book] to be quite good for explaining in simple/non threatening terms in the context of a story what happens in a home birth, ds1 (who was 3 when ds2 was born) enjoyed me reading it to him.

[mooma3]

Change of plan ladies - they are going to go to the in laws instead and i will stay at home.

i think the idea of them hearing me in pain and what not will just make it all the more difficult for me cos i will be worrying about how it is affecting them instead of getting on with doing what i need to do.

[Letmeeatcakecakecake]

Recently had a home birth and had my son walk in and out for the last 3 hours! He's 5. I prepared him for it and he knew it would hurt and I'd be swearing and making noises but it all helps the baby come out!

He was FINE! He'd come downstairs and ask if baby was here yet and check on me, show the midwives his wobbly tooth then go back up to watch ninjago! He was down for the very end and watched his sisters first breath (and also announced the sex to us!) he's really proud of being there and it's really sealed his bond with 'his baby'

I pre warned him about where babies comes from and he didn't believe me! I was in a pool for the birth and he was behind me when the baby popped out so he didn't have to see anything graphic!

[mooma3]

thanks for sharing letmeeatcake

i think to get the kids out of the house will work better for us as my son esp is very in tune to me and my anxieties and pain etc and i just don't want to have to worry about what he is thinking and seeing etc.