Sales assistant embarrassed Ds in store, am I being silly?

(29 Posts)
Fozi Thu 04-Jun-15 23:26:51

This is rather random I know but here goes......
Went into local pharmacy earlier this week with twin Ds and dd.
I'm on quite friendly terms with the staff there, who are on the whole lovely.
Anyways, bought a few items one of which was a pack of pull ups. Twins are four years old, but Ds has developed a severe phobia of pooping in bathroom and wants a nappy. We are working through this and please trust me when I tell you he is really petrified.
As I was paying for items, the sales assistant said "oh they're not still in nappies are they?, how old are they now Three? four?"
My poor Ds's face went bright red and he looked like he wanted to cry.
I was too embarrassed to think of what to say.......there was a huge queue of customers behind me (quite a small branch)
I muttered something about needing them for nights sometimes (total lie but didn't want Ds to feel worse)
She then asked which nursery they were at and which school they were off to in September. When I told her the name of their school, she repeated its name as if she wasn't impressed at all. Not that I care..angry ...it was our first choice and we were delighted to get 2 places.
I wish I'd just ignored her question but I just couldn't think of why she would speak like that.
Question I want to ask is,do I go back into the store and speak to them about it? Or should I let it go?
Part of me feels like I should say something as it is still bothering me 3 days later and Ds looked so embarrassed sad (he gets very anxious when we discuss the possibility of others knowing he still wears nappies for pooping in)
Another part of me thinks that maybe I'm making a big deal out of it and shouldn't rock the boat as I'm in that store at least once every two weeks.
I know this is a bit of an odd request,but what do you think?

Wolfiefan Thu 04-Jun-15 23:28:51

You say you are friendly with staff. I bet this person thinks they were making polite conversation.
If you didn't say anything at the time then it is a bit late now.

BerylStreep Thu 04-Jun-15 23:29:58

Practice a Paddington stare for those moments, possibly punctuated by a haughty 'excuse me?'

Poor DS.

She sounds like a nosy mare.

kylesmybaby Thu 04-Jun-15 23:33:45

When ds13 went on his school journey in year 6 two of his friends were still wearing pull ups. Xx

JassyRadlett Thu 04-Jun-15 23:34:25

I think it's awful. There are plenty of reasons a kid of that age may need pull-ups, and being humiliated about it isn't going to help any of them - particularly kids with medical issues. What a bitch, your poor DS.

My DS is getting on for 4 and we have just this week had a poo breakthrough. He's been out of nappies for a year, never any accidents, but an absolute phobia of doing poos on the toilet. Trying to force him was totally counterproductive so we just went with his 'hold it in and poo at 11pm while asleep' approach. But the last couple of weeks he's shown a slight interest, and the last 3 days he has gone during the day, on the toilet each time. He's been wearing a nappy because he's still a bit apprehensive, but it's such a breakthrough.

Sorry, that was long-winded! But I know where you are coming from.

Fozi Thu 04-Jun-15 23:34:47

Wolfiefan - that's exactly why I didn't say anything, part of me thought as you do..... That she thought she was making polite conversation.

BerylStreep- thank you
I'm off to practice! smile

bippityboppitypoo Thu 04-Jun-15 23:36:42

Totally inappropriate comments, I think shop assistants should remain neutral on purchases, what's it got to do with them?

bloodyteenagers Thu 04-Jun-15 23:42:26

There is no such thing as too old for nappies.
She is an inconsiderate arse and yes you need to say something.
In a pharmacy you need tact, something she is clearly lacking. They deal with ailments and illnesses all the time, some will be embarrassing and she needs to learn some people skills.

*i am not saying nappies are embarrassing

BerylStreep Thu 04-Jun-15 23:42:27

Yes, especially in chemists!

Condoms, haemorrhoid creams, Viagra, canestan, super plus plus sanitary pads to name but a few!

Fozi Thu 04-Jun-15 23:43:03

JassyRadlett- thank you for sharing your experience and well done to your Ds! It sounds almost identical to what we have been going through. Just today he looked as if he was making a move towards using the toilet.......and he's getting much better at staying dry through the night (no nappies just pants)
It's very stressful for all involved! Each child is unique and I've no idea what caused his apprehension, twin Dd is much more confident so she helps with trying to boost his confidence smile

JassyRadlett Thu 04-Jun-15 23:44:24

Is it ever polite to comment on another person's toilet habits, though?

says the woman who just wrote an essay about her preschooler's poo

JassyRadlett Thu 04-Jun-15 23:46:35

Thank you! I'm so ridiculously proud of him.

Don't know what tipped the scales and god knows how long he'll be sitting on the toilet in a nappy, or how long we will have to be talking to the poo like it's animate and discussing its family life. For now, I'm holding onto this moment. grin

Fozi Thu 04-Jun-15 23:47:12

Thank you lovely ladies! flowers
I know it feels like a small incident but it's amazing which things can keep a person awake at night!
Now......any tips on what to say at the pharmacy without a) totally losing my temper and b) being too rude? smile

Jasonandyawegunorts Fri 05-Jun-15 02:43:53

I know this is a bit of an odd request,but what do you think?

I think it's terrible small talk from the sales assistant.

I wouldn't say anything, let it slide for now but next time ignore the question and say "Can i have a bag please." That way they know you don't want to talk about it.

Mrsfrumble Fri 05-Jun-15 03:13:06

My DS is 4.5 and is nowhere near being dry at night, so I imagine we'll be buying nappies for him for some time yet. I don't think he's unusually late either.

Not only was her comment on nappies weird, in general a sales assistant in a pharmacy commenting on a customer's purchases is very dodgy. It's a situation where tact and discretion are especially necessary and she seems to have neither!

Foreverlurking Fri 05-Jun-15 07:48:42

Dreadful behaviour, say something! I work in a preschool and you're not the only one, we have a few 3-4 yos in nappies - complex additional needs or bowel problems, fears etc. it's not our place to judge and certainly not a shop assistants!

Appalled on your behalf.

Jasonandyawegunorts Fri 05-Jun-15 07:53:03

The more I think about it, the more unprofessional I realise the person who served you was.

For comparison at 17 While on a trip to Wales with my college, I had to go in to boots and buy drynites because of bed wetting, the person at the till said nothing and even asked if I wanted another bag because you could see through the first one and see what was in it.

They didn't bat an eyelid at this, they should be more than used to 3 or 4 year old needing pullups.

NewTwenty Fri 05-Jun-15 09:41:11

My child had toileting issues until well beyond that age and was under the care of a paediatrician for a time because of it.

I would have gone utterly ballistic.

Write a complaint letter at the very least.

CactusAnnie Fri 05-Jun-15 09:45:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

petalunicorn Fri 05-Jun-15 09:45:56

She was wrong but I don't think it's worth going back.

I bought a pregnancy test once and the assistant asked if it would be happy news if it was positive. I mean, on what planet is that ok??!

BoffinMum Fri 05-Jun-15 09:54:10

My DS2 (14) has a disability and still has issues. I would have rung the manager after getting home and informed him one of his staff has a 'training need', shall we say.

MrsEricBana Fri 05-Jun-15 09:59:47

Oh poor ds. Definitely speak to them. Perhaps ring up if you can't face going in. Of course she shouldn't comment on ANY purchase made by a customer in a pharmacy of all places. She may well have felt bad afterwards herself. Agree "training issue" is least emotive way to raise it.

happyelf Fri 05-Jun-15 10:04:54

Similar happened to me recently in supermarket. I was buying pampers bed mats as my 4 year old suffers chronic constipation and when she's backed up it causes her to wet the bed. Waterproof sheets make her sweat too much. Anyway the cashier said to my dd that she was too big to be wetting the bed and mummy shouldn't be having to waste her money on bedmats. I wish I'd told her at the time that they were for me. That would've shut her up grin

IAmAPaleontologist Fri 05-Jun-15 10:06:25

My 6 year old dd is in a pull up at night. Developmentally normal. Fear of doing poo without a nappy is also completely developmentally normal. Doesn't mean every child does it but it is far from unusual at their age. How dare she start shaming your children over something like that! I'd be fuming.

Piratejones Fri 05-Jun-15 11:07:38

Your Poor DS. I would make a complaint ASAP if i was you.

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