What is wrong with me?(9 Posts)
A friend of mine with a baby 2 months younger than mine just messaged me to say that her baby has reached a milestone which mine still hasn't. I'm ashamed to say that instead of feeling pleased for her my reaction was a strong feeling of anger and upset that I haven't managed to help my DD reach this milestone yet.
Before you all say it I know that this reaction is not normal and logically know that all babies develop at their own pace, you can't MAKE babies develop and there is no point comparing (although I also suspect that anyone who says they don't compare at all may be stretching the truth at least a little)
What concerns me in addition to what I am feeling is the strength of these feelings. I have posted on here previously about having a lot of anxiety and am doing a CBT course to deal with this with some progress but clearly still have a lot of work to do. I'm worried there is something seriously wrong with me.
I guess I am just wondering if anyone out there can relate. Am I just a complete monster? I'm completely sure I don't have PND but can anxiety alone cause this strength of feeling?
I'm the opposite end of the spectrum where my LO is hitting milestones early and I feel jealous of mums whose babies sit nicely and don't want to be on the go all the time. There's no pleasing us mums lol.
Every baby really does do things at their own pace. I know it can e frustrating when other babies seem to be doing things yours aren't but there's benefits to your LO taking their time too. I've had to watch both mine like a hawk as they were both moving so early. X
That sounds quite normal to me, really. It's insanely hard not to compare, and especially when they are little and there are so many milestones to reach. I was constantly worrying about when other kids were eating, walking, talking etc sooner than my baby was.
So the comparison - not helpful, as you know, because babies will develop at their own rate and there is very little you can do to help them. They'll crawl or role or say Mama when they are ready too.
However, if it is worrying you deeply, do you have a CBT councillor you can bring this up with?
Thanks for your replies. It's not so much that I think comparing is not normal but surely feeling extreme anger is not the normal reaction?
The course is online but I do have review sessions with an actual person so maybe k can talk to them about it.
Feel sorry for my DD getting landed with such a rubbish mum.
Comparing, normal. Anger not so much. Feeling a rubbish mum, normal if it's just occasionally. Always feeling that way and feeling sorry for your baby, not so much.
Good that you are getting help and support.
That's what I thought. Guess I'm the only weirdo around here. At least I recognise that I have a problem and am taking steps to correct it even if sometimes it feels like a very long road.
Does your friend gloat? That would make me irrationally angry because it's like competing in a competition that doesn't really exist!
I get strong feelings, in my case worry, about stuff like this. Googling and the like.
I have to keep up my management of my anxiety.
If you're going to sessions, mention this. I'm sure they can help.
Thanks Squizita. I think my anger actually stems from a sense of panic at not being in control. Additionally my poor long - suffering endlessly patient DH pointed out that I have had a persistently low mood and seemed to be feeling a lot more negative since I have had my contraceptive implant which now that I think about it is true though I hadn't made the connection.
Goat she doesn't obviously gloat but certain things definitely feel like a competition sometimes although maybe that's my own issues coming to the fore.
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