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I can't comfort my baby when she's tired

(18 Posts)
Poodlesrock Thu 28-May-15 11:17:17

I have a 4 month old baby. She is a great sleeper at night and can sleep through 10-12 hours a night. She also naps fairly well.

The problem is that as she gets tired and often ( but not all the time) before a nap/bedtime she starts crying and NOTHING me or my DH do can comfort her and she'll cry and cry. I don't want to let her cry but I just cannot comfort her. I've tried rocking, singing, walking, cuddling, holding inwards, holding out wards, slings, carriers, swaying, standing still, sshhing, staying silent, you name it I've done it. The only thing that works is going out with the pram or the car but I can't do this every nap/bedtime it's just not practical.

I've tried catching her before she becomes overtired and sometimes it works but other times she just starts crying and won't stop til I pram/car her. Everyone says try a sling- but she hates them and cries even more.

What do I do with a baby who just won't be comforted? I read forums and just wish I had a baby that liked a cuddle or would fall asleep on me. Everything I read says, "why can't I put my baby down?" But I can't even comfort her by cuddling her!

BlueThursday Thu 28-May-15 11:28:50

Could she perhaps want to settle herself?

Poodlesrock Thu 28-May-15 11:40:20

If I lay her down with her comforter she'll sometimes settle herself sometimes she starts hysterically crying.
The crying is so bad I feel bad for leaving her to cry and settle herself, do you think I should leave to cry a bit? (Unless she's hysterical)

BlueThursday Thu 28-May-15 11:47:41

I think you'd know yourself a bit of a moan whilst lying down and full on hysterics. It can't hurt to try; you've clearly tried so many other things.

BlueThursday Thu 28-May-15 11:48:01

The difference between them I mean

Poodlesrock Thu 28-May-15 11:51:06

Yes there's definitely a difference, my DH thinks we should let her cry a bit, I just find it so hard and pick her up which doesn't help usually.

Thank you for replying, I will try it.

TropicalHorse Thu 28-May-15 11:53:12

I had this too! I worked out that my efforts to comfort DD were preventing her from sleeping. The best thing I found was swaddling tightly, dummy in, white noise on loud and lying her in the cot but with my hand on her chest. She still cried but seemed to settle much more quickly than with the more 'active' soothing methods like rocking or walking in the pram. Good luck! x

insancerre Thu 28-May-15 12:04:51

Ds was like this
He wouldn't have a dummy
I used to put him in his pram and rock and jiggle it on its wheels in the house
It lasted couple of months and then he settled himself

SnozzberryPie Thu 28-May-15 12:05:47

Can you push her around the house in the pram till she drops off? We used to do this when dd was a similar age. For daytime naps just leave her in there, if it's bedtime transfer her to the cot once she's sound asleep.

slightlyconfused85 Thu 28-May-15 14:27:52

I had one exactly like this, and she was always tired. Turns out she just wanted to be left to it. I'd put her down, she would cry/grizzle for 10 mins max then she would be asleep. Rocking, patting, singing, feeding all made her progressively angrier...

Poodlesrock Thu 28-May-15 17:29:35

Yes slightlyconfused! Mine sounds just like yours she's always tired and yes I think my efforts to calm have made her angrier, I think I'm only just seeing this now.

Ok, she's had 2 naps since my post this morning, the first I put her in Moses basket with dummy and comforter toy, she grumbled and grizzled a bit but I sat next to her so she could see me and she did keep looking for me, (usually I walk away if I'm trying to leave her to self settle) and that seemed to reassure her as her crying didn't escalate to hysterical crying, it was almost as though she needed to see my face (even though she does want me to touch her, strange little thing), I tried hand on chest but she didn't like that, anyway after about 5/10 mins of grumbling/grizzling she fell asleep, and if felt happy because I hadn't left her to cry it out.

The second nap I tried again but that didn't work, so I took all your advice and put her in her pram and tried to push it backwards and forwards in the kitchen but that didn't work either so I stopped. Amazingly after I stopped she grumbled for about a minute and then fell asleep!

Thank you for your advice!

slightlyconfused85 Thu 28-May-15 18:49:45

It's tough when they're like that as you expect to have to comfort a baby, but in some ways it's good as she' wi probably learn to be a good self settler. If a bit of grizzling is best and you feel she settles well with you nearby instead of touching then it's right for you both smile

madmummy3 Thu 28-May-15 22:50:55

Mine used to get more upset if I tried to sooth him it was really hard and upsetting I found lying on the bed or floor next to him but not touching him and spoke not to him but in general he calmed down. He's a super cuddly boy at bedtime now.

littlefrenchonion Sun 31-May-15 14:23:05

We have a bouncer with a vibration mode on it that has been a lifesaver. It doesn't work all the time but there's been a few occasions where I've put her in it during a screaming session, left the room for a minute or two and come back to a sleeping baby. I guess the vibrations are a bit like a car journey? I wait until her breathing has become deep and calm and then transfer her into her cot with 'cot snakes' (a rolled up blanket or soft towel forming a halo around her body to make her feel more secure - just make sure she can breathe). Sometimes it helps to put warm hot water bottles in the cot first to warm up the sheets (obviously remove them before putting DD down!).

Other than that my only other tool is feed feed feed!

I hope that helps, I feel your pain flowers

littlefrenchonion Sun 31-May-15 14:28:07

Oh! We recently bought a 'Ewan the sleep sheep' from john lewis - the last few nights he's been successful in getting her from the last stages of meltdown to fast asleep. You tube has recordings of womb sounds you could try similar to those that he plays and you could replicate the glowing red ambience with a torch and a red t-shirt.

Might be worth a try?

I also find Bruno Mars 'count on me' sometimes helps!

GlitzAndGigglesx Sun 31-May-15 14:36:28

My dd used to be the same at that age! She was fine once in the buggy but of course that's not always ideal. I found rubbing her cheek or tummy when she was in her basket would settle her. She's 4 now and easily drops off on her own

Roseybee10 Sun 31-May-15 14:52:31

My dd is four months next week and has just started this.
Last night I put her in her cot and put her light show on and she actually went over herself without crying. I bet it won't work tonight lol but I'm going to try x

Artandco Sun 31-May-15 14:58:09

Can you try laying down with her on your bed until she falls asleep or calms down

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