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Mortified!!!! Nursery report to Social Services

(22 Posts)
mumsrthebest Tue 26-May-15 16:07:40

My DD is 3 years old and at times can be a bit of a handful. The other day she was 'playing up' and refusing to get dressed and consquently I smacked her on the bottom. This isn't something I do on a regular basis and I always feel bad after I have done it.

Prior to me smacking her bottom several days before that I noticed a bruise on her side which I suspected she had walked into a child's table or knocked it on the side of the swimming pool as we have recently been away.

Nursery staff asked DD how she got the bruise in which DD replied 'Mummy hit me'. She must have thought it was when I smacked her the other day (which may I add was certainly not hard enough to leave any sort of mark).

Quite rightly the manager telephoned Childrens Services for advice and she stated that she had no concerns with us as a parents and DD was a delightful little girl who appearred happy at all times. Childrens Services said that they weren't going to take the matter further and the information would just be logged on the system.

My husband collected DD from nursery and the manager took him to one side and informed him of the situation. My husband explained we had seen the brusie and he knew the exact location and we think she did it on holiday. He did admit that I had smacked her but it was on her bottom. They were happy with the explanation.

I telephoned the manager and spoke to her and was very upset and she was very reassuring and understanding.

I feel such a fool and an awful mother.

Need some reassurance...I'm I the only mother in the world that gives their child a slight smack on occasions?

Mopmay Tue 26-May-15 16:11:37

Most avoid smacking with a passion but you certainly aren't the only one. I took my DD to school nursery in pjs and bare feet once. I made her walk 100 yards from the car. She was nearly 4 and never did it again.

mumsrthebest Tue 26-May-15 16:42:34

I usually do time out but not this time. Although the bruise wasn't caused by me it's given me a shock and made me realise I won't be smacking as gain.

I've smacked DD a couple of times. I didn't like it, but it was preferable to her throwing herself into the road (which was what she was trying to do). Thankfully, the one time she gave me a real scare, the car driver was on the ball, and swerved. She is of a size that I sometimes cannot physically manage her when she has a strop, despite wearing reins snd holding my hand at all times in public.

I know someone who regularly spanks their young child for almost any misbehaviour. She is not shy about discussing it publicly either, & AFAIK SS have never showed interest.

I don't think you have much cause to worry.

mumsrthebest Tue 26-May-15 19:36:18

I feel I have let my DD down sad feel awful

caravanista13 Tue 26-May-15 19:40:53

You can't change the past but you can learn from it. I don't agree with smacking in any circumstances, but you clearly regret it and you can ensure it never happens again.

Don't. It's happened, it doesn't make you a bad parent. She will probably forget about it by tomorrow. There are better ways to cope with her refusing to get dressed.

awombwithaview Tue 26-May-15 19:50:32

I think a lot of people give or have given the occasional smack on the bottom to be honest but it's unlikely you'll get them to admit it, esp on MN which is very anti-smacking. I have smacked on occasion, I prefer time out and stars off the chart, but from time to time I have given the odd smack when under a lot of pressure. I don't like it and I don't think it works, but no, you are not the only one. Toddlers test the patience of a saint and if you are time constrained and they are messing around it's easy to feel a bit out of control and shout or whatever. You are only human. I can see why it shook you up, I would be just the same.

mappemonde Tue 26-May-15 19:57:46

I don't agree with physical punishment on any level or for any reason for many reasons, not least because it achieves nothing.

However, I was occasionally hot as a child and I don't hold it against my parents. Parenting is stressful and toddlers are difficult - would you find support or strategies from the HV or childrens' centre helpful?

Re the nursery - it sounds like they followed procedure and communicated well with you. Maybe in future point out any bruises on dropping off - ours always asked us to sign a form if they had a visible injury. Try not to dwell on it. Your dd certainly won't.

saltnpepa Tue 26-May-15 19:59:39

There's never a reason to smack. My four can be absolute shits and I have a fiery temper but I have never hit them and never will. I do shout though.

FatAli Tue 26-May-15 20:03:17

Please don't hit your child sad. It's never OK.

Babymamamama Tue 26-May-15 20:05:38

Hopefully you won't smack your little one again. Talking works much better.

odyssey2001 Tue 26-May-15 20:21:40

She is your child and you have every right to parent your child, within the law, however you see fit. You did nothing illegal and no one here has the right to tell you that you did the wrong thing. You have changed your opinion of how you parent based on this experience. It is now your decision as to how you parent in the future. Ignore the judgemental replies of others and make up your own mind.

Roseybee10 Tue 26-May-15 21:36:24

Wow judgey much with some replies here.
Hope you're ok. It happens x

mumsrthebest Tue 26-May-15 22:08:48

Thanks for your messages. Im only human and make mistakes.

CountingThePennies Tue 26-May-15 22:20:20

I would be furious with the nursery tbh. Children do lie sometimes and they should of asked you about the bruise first, then if they werent convinced by you then they should of seeked further advice.

My dd is 2.7 years and is really testing me lately. I have smacked her a handful of times in the past when shes been really really naughty and i always feel shit afterwards.

Shouting is seen on the same level as smacking by some professonals.

I only have one child and believe me i will not be having another! Its such hard work and we are only human after all

lol at signing a form for visible injuries. My DD is always covered in bruises - mostly on the front of her legs from rushing about & not looking where she's going. Once she turned up with a massive graze on her face where she fell off the end of the slide. We've never been asked to sign anything as she probably gets half of them there.

Try not to worry about it. In all probability they were just being cautious - they have to be able to prove they have checked this sort of thing out.

Babymamamama Tue 26-May-15 23:05:33

But sorry CountingThePennies, that is not the way safeguarding works. The child was not lying when she said her parent hit her, and she is probably too little to know whether that resulted in a bruise or not. It is not the job of the nursery to investigate by asking a parent, they did the right thing by reporting this. Luckily there was nothing in it, but children do not often lie actually. Isn't it better to investigate and find no problem than to ask the parents and leave it at that.

BackforGood Tue 26-May-15 23:22:16

Countingthe pennies - the Nursery have to follow procedure. It's awful when it happens to innocent parents, but the system is there to safeguard all children. The systems have been put in place after lesson learned from tragic cases where dc have died, or have found to have suffered horrific abuse.
The Nursery would be failing in their duty of care if they didn't log anything like that.

OP - the is a big 'anti-smacking' voice on MN so you probably will get lots of people saying they are horrified, but as most (so far) have said, it's done, it's finished with and there's no point in tying yourself in knots about it now. Many people smack, or have smacked their dc occasionally, but it's a bit of an outrage to confess to it on MN.

mumsrthebest Wed 27-May-15 06:48:35

Nursery did everything right and it has reassured me that they know what they are doing.

MiaowTheCat Wed 27-May-15 21:04:40

Nursery have followed their processes and done so in quite a calm and measured way really considering how bonkers the world can be these days.

I had the joy of explaining "uncle x took me on an adventure and we got stuck in the river and granddad had to come and rescue us" at one point on parents evening! (There was a completely sensible reason for this- including my brother, a social worker, being an idiot) I knew the sort of way dd1 was likely to have phrased her version of events and so knew it was the kind of thing they'd want clarifying.

I do make a point of getting dd2s birth mark documented though (will do when she starts there- HV and gp already have it noted) as it's partly hidden by her hair and so looks a bit like a bruise if you catch a glance at her hair tied up- especially with the chance of it being viewed as a potential head injury.

Singsongsung Wed 27-May-15 22:10:32

Please just learn from your mistake here. You didn't cause the bruise by hitting your child but you did hit your child. The nursery acted entirely correctly. Grown adults hitting 3 year olds is never the solution- they learn nothing from it except to hit others when they are unhappy with them.
I imagine you'd be more than a little concerned if a nursery worker hit your child.

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