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Will not going to nursery cause social problems for DD?

(33 Posts)
usedtobeme39 Sat 23-May-15 20:21:15

DD is 16mo and she doesn't go to nursery or childminder as her dad decided he wanted to quit his job so that he could be the SAHP when I went back to work.

Only problem is he doesn't really do much out of the house with her, no playgroups, no soft play - they go out for walks and to the shops, but that's pretty much it. They interact non stop while in the house, reading, play, etc. She just gets absolutely no interaction with other children or a chance to play independently away from one of us.

DD will be starting preschool just before her 3rd birthday which I think will be great, but would she be ok going straight into that setting and are we damaging her somehow by not having her interact with other children now?

lexyloub Sat 23-May-15 20:54:40

I never wanted mine to go to nursery unfortunately circumstances changed when he was 2 & I decided to put him in 2 mornings a week. It was absolutely brilliant for his social skills and his speech & interaction improved drastically. I then did the same when ds2 came along although he was more used to interacting with other children with having an older brother.

Anotheronesoon Sat 23-May-15 20:57:59

Personally I wouldn't be happy with that at all. I think nursery is great but even if mine didn't go two days a week I would be trying to socialise them as much as possible myself.

DixieNormas Sat 23-May-15 21:01:30

I was on bed rest alot until ds3 was 2, he didnt do much socialising at all until he started nursery at 3.5. He loved it an was fine.

However if your dh is able he should be taking her to play groups/soft play etc

diploddycus Sat 23-May-15 21:06:08

But pre-school is nursery, is it not? It is where I am. Not going to nursery at all and just going straight to school wouldn't be my choice but plenty of children stay at home until 3 when they go to pre-school. Infact I would say at DS' pre school almost none of the kids would have been to any other nursery before hand. Most have a SAHP or are looking after by grandparents.

Fairylea Sat 23-May-15 21:09:40

My dd is now 12 and went straight into pre school with no nursery previously or any toddler groups at all (I just hated all of them). She had no trouble settling at all and is now very sociable and lively and in the top sets at school. We just did a lot of park and soft play!

My youngest is now 3 and hasn't gone to any nursery or groups either and is due to start pre school in sept.

I don't think it makes a big difference to be honest. A lot of it depends on how much input you put in at home and how much you do with them.

diploddycus Sat 23-May-15 21:09:52

I do think your DH should at least take her to the soft play though.

Grantaire Sat 23-May-15 21:10:55

When I had dd, I lived in the middle of nowhere. I didn't drive. DD spent most of her time with me. She did see grandparents weekly and her aunts and uncles as often as possible but most of the time it was me and her. She really didn't see other children at all.

We moved when she was 3 and a half ish so that we could apply for a school place for her and at the same time she started preschool a few mornings a week.

She is 8 now and it hasn't affected her social skills at all, never has. Admittedly, she used to be very happy in adult company and it possibly had the effect of changing her manner and idioms but when she was around children, she played happily. She is kind, sociable, has always shared well and has lots of lovely, close friendships.

Her little brother has grown up in a busy town, has friends and lots of interaction but his social skills are nowhere near his big sister's at the same age.

Bedsheets4knickers Sat 23-May-15 21:11:06

I agree nursery not a massive deal but your dh should be willing to take her to play groups etc.

Grantaire Sat 23-May-15 21:12:08

"I do think your DH should at least take her to the soft play though"


I never go to soft play. The dc seem unscathed tbh.

BabyGanoush Sat 23-May-15 21:13:11

Bloody hell, no OP, don't worry

She will be fine!!!!

Mine did not go to playgroup until 3

The "socialised" in parks/playgrounds etc.

BabyGanoush Sat 23-May-15 21:13:52

And softplay is gell IMO

germ and snot ridden hell

CommonplaceMagic Sat 23-May-15 21:16:56

Nursery or not isn't a big deal really. But if you're DH is able, they would both benefit from mixing with other children at least sometimes. Why doesn't your DH want take her to groups or classes?

nornironrock Sat 23-May-15 21:18:50

Kids are a lot more adaptable than I think a lot of us give them credit for, and all react in different ways at different times. Our were both full time (more or less) from 8-6 at nursery from 6 months, and i don't regret it for a moment.

But, it really is a case of each to their own, and I'd certainly never try and tell people to do what we did.

It sounds like your daughter has plenty of stimulus, and I am sure she will be absolutely fine!

lotsofcheese Sat 23-May-15 21:19:47

I don't think that lack of nursery is the issue; it's the lack of social interaction if your DP isn't taking her out & about.

One of DS's little friends at nursery wasn't really socialised; his mum was mainly just round the house with him.

He didn't have play dates, or visit soft play, library, etc. He really struggled at nursery & playgroup when she had to leave him (unfortunately he still struggles at school).

Most of the SAHP's I know put their child in playgroup for a couple of hours 2-4 mornings a week, for social interaction.

I feel very sad for your DC & feel s(he) is missing out a lot. But you have the opportunity to change things hopefully.

diploddycus Sat 23-May-15 22:26:48

Grantaire er, that wasn't an odd thing to say. Nursery isn't that important but most children would have played with other children by the time they get to pre-school. She isn't going to get that by staying in the house or going to the shops. Not that she'll suffer for it at all but it might be easier for her if she's been around kids before. But what do I know, my DS is the least sociable child I know.

diploddycus Sat 23-May-15 22:28:06

And I've not been the only one to say that so it seems a bit unfair to just quote me.

Heyho111 Sun 24-May-15 07:34:53

A child does need to mix with other children that is very important. She doesn't have to go to nursery but does need toddler groups or equivalent. Even meeting for a play at someone's house with another child.
Children learn comes social skills from being with other children. They need a combination of just with one other child and being in a group. These social skills cannot be taught by an adult.
Your H is not taking her because he doesn't want too. He needs to put his dislikes to one side and take her to a little group at least once a week or meet other parents for a play in the park or something.

usedtobeme39 Sun 24-May-15 07:44:38

Thanks for the replies.

I must admit my gut instinct is that she would benefit from interaction of sorts. It's good to hear that we arent necessarily causing any damage! DD is really content and a happy child and on the cusp of walking. I have had a chat with DH and he has agreed to take her out to playgroup at least 3 times a week.

Couple of Q's.

Is playgroup something like tumble tots?
Is she ok to go if she isn't walking yet or should we wait a few weeks more?
What groups have you all found to be most enjoyable for your LO at around this age?

disneygirl10 Sun 24-May-15 07:46:09

She will be fine. Children don't have to go to toddler groups to socalise, maabe your husband and dd would enjoy a more organised group like gym tots or a music group or swimming lessons rather than a toddler group.

usedtobeme39 Sun 24-May-15 07:48:19


Yes you are right - he doesn't actually want to. I have brought the subject up with him countless times before and he has always said he would start going to something and then doesn't. This time he will as I'm going to book things up myself.

icklekid Sun 24-May-15 07:50:48

I think of most playgroups as in hall with toys and singing /story slot. My ds from tiny has spent a lot of time around other children but that's my choice. A lot of playgroups have very few (if any) men so I can understand your dh reluctance. A group like tumble tots/baby swimming /tiny talk where there is structure he might find easier as something to do with your dd not just sit and play. If shes crawling then she will get lots out of it. I think a lot of pp have assumed she is older than she is because of preschool but then you mentioned not walking?

disneygirl10 Sun 24-May-15 07:52:02

My dd liked more organised groups like swimming and music but didn't really enjoy toddler groups at that age. Story time sessions at the libary are good. My ds didn't really like groups at all much prefered going to park or soft play, he is 4 now and loves playschool. So he does 3 playschool sessions and we do a mornibg at forest school together which he think is the best thing ever.

Betsyblue Sun 24-May-15 07:53:12

My DS is 18 months and doesn't go to nursery as I am a sahm. We to toddler groups 2-3 times a week and then the library/ park/ swimming etc on other days. My DH takes him to Tumbletots once a week.

I think the toddler groups are good for playing with other children. My son definitely came on quite a lot in terms of sitting down and eating just from watching other children do it I think. Tumbletots is really good fun, but it's still quite individual based at this age so I would say playgroups are better for the socialisation aspect if that's the most important thing.

disneygirl10 Sun 24-May-15 07:53:48

There is a few dads groups around here but they are on a Saturday.

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