Did I overreact?

(19 Posts)
Evanna13 Sat 23-May-15 13:18:14

I am feeling very unsure about something, I have a pile of ironing on the kitchen table which I planned to do last night after my toddler went to bed. I do not iron when he is around as he is always pulling and pushing me and I worry about an accident. He is your typical toddler, interested in everything and does not always respond to 'no'. Anyway last night I was too exhausted to do the ironing and planned to do it today.
This morning I went upstairs to have a shower and left my husband watching our son. When I came back down my husband was doing the ironing and my toddler was beside him playing with his cars. I was really upset that my husband was ironing with my toddler so close. He said he was being careful and watching but I know how quickly and easily accidents can happen. He was annoyed and said he felt like he couldn't do anything right. I know I should have been grateful that he was ironing but I was just so upset that he was doing it with our toddler running round beside him.
I feel really upset now and worried that I overreacted. What do you think?

purplemurple1 Sat 23-May-15 13:31:09

You definatly over reacted todflers have to learn no and can undrstand something is hot so not to touch it you just have to teach them and supervise.

pathogenius Sat 23-May-15 13:32:49

No you're right to worry. But how great you have a husband who irons. Sorry! I am on your side though! I have a husband who never shifts his weight around the house. He took a week off last and has been swanning around in this totally annoying "I'm on hols" mode while the rest of us are running around living real life. So while I'm ironing, cooking, packing for our holiday this week, and the rest, he's eating crisps, biscuits, ice cream on the sofa. He has done JACK! He took the baby from my arms today as I was in the kitchen. I didn't ask him to look after the baby. He just took him and started chatting to him. 30 seconds later I hear a huge thump from the living room and then screaming. I go in to find our 1 year old head down on the wooden floor, slumped from the sofa, bawling his eyes out. The radiator is right next to the sofa as well- it wasn't on. But the point is, I don't know how bad this tumble was. It didn't look good. SO I am observing him while dad and I are not speaking. Honestly, I live with a child for a DH. I am so pissed off right now, I am seriously considering not going on the holiday. I get so tired of trying to wipe my husband's back side. The thing is, this is the second time in two weeks our baby had a serious fall in dad's care. This is our third child and I have to say, DH is just useless. I can't tell you how angry I am. I am sure you didn't say half the terrible things I said to DH this morning. sad Don't regret it! Seriously. I feel I can't leave the room when dad is around. Our baby just healed from the huge scab on his nose thanks to the last fall with dad. I am seriously worried. Anyway, sorry to rant. You're not wrong!! You're trusting your instinct. I wish I had and took baby back from dad's arms this morning.

Sirzy Sat 23-May-15 13:34:25

If your child was happily playing then that's the perfect time to get some ironing done!

Bin85 Sat 23-May-15 13:43:38

Toddlers move very quickly
They also put their hands on iron soleplates(DS2-happily was OK)
Not worth risking ironing whilst they are around

tumbletumble Sat 23-May-15 13:44:50

I think you over reacted, sorry. I agree with you that ironing with a toddler isn't ideal, but I think you have to give your partner a chance to make his own decision and not tell him what to do. If he's being very careful, I think the risk to your toddler is low. I can see why he feels be can't do anything right.

pathogenius Sat 23-May-15 13:47:17

Totally Bin85. Sorry everyone about my own personal rant. Didn't mean to hijack, OP. But no, it's not worth it. This whole "they've got to learn" is such BS. There's learning and then there's traumatizing a child. My MIL 'taught' DS at 3 about the iron by letting him touch it. You can guess how our relationship was for a while after that. DS never forgot (in not such a good way either). He learned but he was scarred as well. He never wanted to be alone with her after that.

Sirzy Sat 23-May-15 13:49:03

There is a massive difference between sensibly doing the ironing and letting a child touch the iron though.

I assume you never cook with a child awake then?

Evanna13 Sat 23-May-15 13:49:20

Thanks for all the replies ladies, perhaps I should have turned a blind eye and allowed my husband to get on with it. I know he really tries his best and I am very lucky but I such a worrier.

whatsagoodusername Sat 23-May-15 13:53:48

Sorry, I think you overreacted. Your DH doesn't sound as if he was being careless, DS wasn't even paying attention, and he does need to learn that irons are dangerous, which he will not do if he never sees it in use.

I don't think you are unreasonable to worry about it, but you need to be able to trust your DH's judgement.

whatsagoodusername Sat 23-May-15 13:57:07

Although teaching by letting a child touch a hot iron as pathogenius's MIL did is idiotic - I can see why you'd feel the way you do!

Evanna13 Sat 23-May-15 14:00:10

Sirzy, of course I cook with my toddler around but I am careful. I turn handles on saucepans so they are out of his reach. I have taught him not to touch the oven, he adoes not always obey so I have to watch him carefully when it is on.

He is still very young and does not fully understand the concepts of 'no' and 'hot' yet.
I would rather err on the side of caution whilst he is learning and I feel the iron is a very dangerous tool. I will also not use my hair straighteners when he is around.

Sirzy Sat 23-May-15 14:02:33

So what is the difference between carefully cooking and carefully ironing?

Evanna13 Sat 23-May-15 14:10:22

Ditzy, basically it is just my instinct that he is not ready to be in the vicinity of a hot iron yet but I admit I might be wrong. I am basically just trying to do my best and that is why I asked for opinions.
He was playing with his cars but he runs around the room with them and I personally felt it was a bit unsafe.

Evanna13 Sat 23-May-15 14:13:58

Pathogenius, no worries, it is great to get everyone's opinion and I value yours as much as anyones.
You really have your hands fun and I hope you do go and enjoy your holiday. Try to stay positive x

IsItMeOr Sat 23-May-15 14:19:05

I am sure that I have done the equivalent to my lovely DH re parenting our DS. The phrase "he felt like he couldn't do anything right" is something that DH may have uttered to me before now.

It is a balance though, because we all make mistakes/poor judgements. Me more than DH on safety issues, to be honest, as I'm a bit daft sometimes if I haven't engaged my brain.

With my brain fully engaged wink, I think it is perfectly possible to iron carefully, e.g. making sure that the iron is only ever put down on a solid (not ironing board) surface, that the lead does not trail where it could be touched/tripped over by the DC.

In your shoes, I would apologise for shouting at DH, explain that you are very anxious about DS getting hurt with the iron, and ask to chat about how you can both iron to be careful around DS. And of course, compliment him on how well he has done the ironing.

Maybe83 Sat 23-May-15 14:19:44

My dh is like you. It causes huge strain in our relationship. He s very risk adverse and I feel smothers our dd because of it. He sees danger every were. He couldnt clean the whole house or cook a full dinner with her by him self because he would worry about all the mishaps that could happen.

I on the other hand can manage quite well because I adjust what ever task I'm doing to include her. I get very annoyed when he questions me to be honest and feel completely criticised when he does. I think you over reacted.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Sat 23-May-15 14:20:37

I am with your husband, I think it was an over-reaction on your part, he is an adult and able to use his own judgement as to whether or not he was in control of the situation.

fortunately Sat 23-May-15 14:30:16

I think you overreacted.

I hardly ever iron but if I iron with my toddler around I'm very very careful. I never leave the iron on, I don't leave it out on the board whether it's on or off, if I need to leave the room I unplug the iron and put it out of reach in the kitchen and i make sure it's completely cool before I put it away.

Yes accidents can happen so quickly but as long as you take precautions I don't see the problem.

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