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(24 Posts)
Chocoholic26 Fri 22-May-15 21:21:38

So feeling really guilty today. Have always thought a baby with a dummy didn't look very nice and thought of I have a baby they won't be getting one. I didn't have one but did suck my thumb. Anyway, today I realised why so many people do actually use them to settle their babies and this has been the first day ive been able to dress without ds crying. I really just want to use them to settle him to sleep etc but today I used it so I could eat my lunch and put on some makeup. Does this make me a terrible mother?? Eeek just looking for some advice both positive and negative for the use of dummies and when you tried to wean your baby off one? Terrified he really starts to rely on it but I feel like I'm spending all day with my little finger in his mouth between feeds. Help xx

CountingThePennies Fri 22-May-15 21:28:15

My dd has a dummy. Shes now 2.5 and still has a dummy. Im going to get rid of them when she turns 3. She loves a dummy!

It has been a godsend many many times.

Her teeth are fine but she doesnt have it constant. However someone on my facebook has a 3.5 year old and almost every pic of him he has a dummy in his mouth. However he has a very noticeable oval shaped teeth shape where the teeth have developed round the dummy.

The best thing about a dummy is that you can take it away. If you allow a child to suck on their thumb instead it is much harder for them to stop as you cant take the thumb away. I know 2 people who cant sleep without sucking their thumb and they are in their late 20s. You never hear of this with a dummy.

Chocoholic26 Fri 22-May-15 21:32:51

Thanks counting the pennies, makes me feel a little better. I don't like the facebook dummy pictures either. Just scared that if he loves it so much ill not be able to settle him without one. Hoping once he is a bit older I'll be able to settle and distract him without one constantly. Thanks for your reply xx

CountingThePennies Fri 22-May-15 21:37:59

Dd likes the avent orthodontic ones. She wont have any others. The child with the dummy teeth has the pound shop ones with the brown circle teat. Im not sure if this is why his teeth have gone like that.

Dummies are really popular! I dont think people generally judge dummies these days.

Chocoholic26 Fri 22-May-15 21:43:36

Thanks, it's the avent ones ive got and he seems really settled with them. Hopefully I'll be able to wean him off them easily when the time comes x

HirplesWithHaggis Fri 22-May-15 21:47:31

DS1 never wanted/needed a dummy, he didn't even suck his thumb. DS2 needed a dummy to settle and liked to have three one in the daytime too, till he was about 3. His teeth formed perfectly, he didn't even have a filling till he was about 13. My friend hated dummies and encouraged her ds to suck his thumb; he has needed orthodontic treatment throughout his teen years but his teeth are fine now.

They're all different. If your ds settles better with one, let him have one and don't stress too much. smile

MrsHelenBee Fri 22-May-15 21:52:04

My DS1 had one from early on. He never slept, never stopped crying and in desperation, I gave him a dummy. It was the best thing I ever did - finally I could go to the loo without dreading the screaming!
Once he was bigger, he was really good about only having it at selected times - to settle at bed/nap time, and to comfort. I was worried about how we'd wean him off it, but he started to push it away himself at 12-18m, and only wanted it to sleep. Then he progressed from having it for just a few minutes at bed time, then pushing it out, and finally to just turning his head away and going to sleep. We didn't have to do anything!
DS2 had terrible colic and screamed the place down so, knowing it helped first time around, and having a newborn to look after as well as a toddler, I gave him one, and he's also learned to sleep with it and push it out himself at the last minute. If he wakes properly in the night, he occasionally needs it, but is otherwise great at this point. When he wakes from a nap, he knows it's gone. Hopefully, it will continue!!
I felt fine about it but at his 10m review, the HV looked at him and frowned straight away saying "Get rid of that as soon as you can!" I explained I don't let him have it all the time (and the only reason he had it that day was because they were running soooo late at the clinic that we were still waiting when it was 45mins after his usual nap time and he was really struggling). She nodded in agreement but then said, "The sooner he's rid of it the better. I can tell all the children who've had dummies at their 2 year review: they talk with a lisp and have bad teeth too, it totally changes the shape of their mouth. Take it away now, he can't sleep while we're doing his review anyway!"
I felt hideous!!!!

Missm00 Fri 22-May-15 21:54:01

My eldest had a dummy till 14months. Whereas her little brother is a thumbsucker. And I can say that there are definite pros and cons to both.

m33r Fri 22-May-15 22:01:56

I wish my LO would take a dummy to help reflux... He can't seem to manage

lordsandladies Fri 22-May-15 22:08:19

All 3 DCs had/have dunmies thry are called soothers for a reason. Until 1.5 I gave/give them when dleepy of sad but remove them to play.

After that I try to remove them apart from at night where possible but tbh don't stress about it too much.

They get binned at 3. Dd1 now 5 gave hers up really easily. DD2 it goes next month and she's already saying they go when she's 3 so we'll see!

I have no issue with them used appropriately and not just to shut kids up, removed when playing etc and as a result both older DDs have been early talkers and their teeth are fine too.

My old boss used to suck her thumb in stressful meetings shock that's way worse an option yo me!

lordsandladies Fri 22-May-15 22:09:07

I can't even be bothered to try and fix that smartphone spelling disaster angry

YouMakeMyHeartSmile Fri 22-May-15 22:12:06

I felt exactly the same OP, but gave DD one in desperation at 5 months when she had still never slept longer than a 45 min stretch. She only ever had it at nap/bedtimes (and still does at 18 months). Never asked for it any other time.

Chocoholic26 Fri 22-May-15 22:21:34

Thanks for all of your comments it's made me feel better and less guilty xx

ElviraCondomine Fri 22-May-15 22:45:31

Two DDs
Both had dummies
Both were breastfed to 2.7 and 2.10
Both are bright and articulate and DD1 in particular was a very early fluent talker.

It worked for us. We stopped using them in the day (apart from naps) when speech was emerging, and at night (the dummy fairy was our friend) when 3.

I didn't want to use them either but they were just very very sucky babies. I always offered milk first to keep up supply, and tbh neither of them slept through until they were toddlers, but they both settled at night time really easily and it was good that they had an alternative form of comfort for the rare occasion I wasn't there to feed them at bed time.

Picklesauage Fri 22-May-15 22:54:15

The hospital gave my DD a dummy when in special care yo self soothe and preserve sucking reflex. See they're NHS approved! She had it for sleep / sickness until 2.5. She never stops talking and has perfect teeth!

Hillijx Fri 22-May-15 23:00:51

My babies have all been very sucky babies. Dd1 sucked her thumb and refused a dummy, dd2 loved her dummy in the early days and helped early reflux, dd3 is 6 weeks and I'm still pushing it but think she will end up using her thumb as she is desperate to get it in there! I prefer the dummy as you can get rid of it, I got rid of dd2's at 4 months, very early but she kept taking it out, anyway after one night of settling her she was fine and doesn't need anything now, dd1 still loves her thumb and her teeth are looking like they might be affected. As everyone else has said, use it appropriately and they aren't a problem, babies need to be soothed and you can't do it all the time as much as you would want to, don't feel bad as when it comes down to it, it's just a dummy!! You will have plenty more to feel guilty about in the future so give yourself a break and enjoy the silence!! Ps - dd2 needed it for reflux between sleeps but as she got older it got limited more to sleep time so don't feel bad in the early days if he need it between sleeps, you can adjust it to nap time only as he gets older and more settled.

TheGirlAtTheRockShow Sat 23-May-15 03:07:55

DD was given a dummy in NICU. She refused it for a while when she came home, but around 6 weeks old she wanted to comfort suck (breastfed) but couldn't due to forceful let down. So we reluctantly gave her a dummy. She used it a lot for a while, but now at 10 months only has it to sleep. Except when she's at the childminder they seem to give it to her all the time hmm but then she's only been going a week and not settled there yet.
I intend to have the dummy fairy take them away when she's old enough to understand, unless she gets rid herself before then.

plummyjam Sat 23-May-15 06:55:46

Dummies are ace. My DD had one from 1 week old until 5 months. Before that she was a screaming mess and so was I grin

Next baby will be having one from birth.

ODog Sat 23-May-15 20:13:51

My DS is almost one and despite weeks of dummy refusal as a newborn, he loves it and I wouldn't want to change that for a while. As per pp he doesn't have it unless he is tired/hurt/sick, however he does have it in the car or he would scream the whole way! Some of our nct group have started to take dummies away and are finding bedtimes very stressful indeed as they are too little to understand why its gone, I will be waiting until he is around 3. Dummies are great for everyone when used if/when needed.

JHKLHZHARH Mon 25-May-15 00:36:40

Dd1 had a dummy and what I did was when she was 1 only gave it her at nap time and bed time and when she got to 15 months stopped giving it her at nap time and then one night when she was around 18 months I forgot to give it to her and she has never had it since.

Dd2 has one now she is 14 weeks old and I plan to do the same thing with her

FixItUpChappie Mon 25-May-15 04:27:54

Don't worry about it - it's a lot easier to take a dummy away than a child's thumb. I speak as someone who has bad front teeth from doing the later.

we just gave ours their "soothes" at bedtime as they got a bit older and didn't have trouble phasing them out.

RebeccaCloud9 Mon 25-May-15 04:49:24

I too was convinced that we would never give our baby a dummy... Until 2 weeks ish old, when she was suckling (bf) ALL night, literally until 6am and screaming when I tried to put her down. HV recommended it and it was AMAZING! She settled well with it, even now at nearly 7 months, when she is tired and restless it helps to soothe her. We just try to not use it when she is awake, lively, chatty etc, just when she is grizzly.

Katekoom Tue 26-May-15 01:32:38

I used to feel the same as you but found myself in the same situation. My compromise was to say, am I going to leave her to cry any way? If the answer was yes then i'd rather my baby be comforted for 5 mins. Saying that she rarely has one during the day and only for a short time to help settle at night. I don't leave her to sleep with it and I don't use it for my comfort, only hers - how can it ever be wrong to comfort a baby. What I don't agree with is just shoving one in willy nilly.

DanyStormborn Tue 26-May-15 22:56:52

My baby doesn't need a dummy (thank God as she won't even take a bottle of expressed milk). But I have no problem with them. My little brother had one and was still breastfed till age 3 and has straighter teeth than me or my sister who didn't have a dummy. When my baby wants to suck for comfort she has my breast but if she was bottle fed she might need a dummy for comfort. My mum had to give the dummy to my breast fed brother as she couldn't nurse him as much as he needed for comfort or she wouldn't have been able to do anything else.

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