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Moved to a new school and now dd upset what to do?

(5 Posts)
OliviaJ Mon 18-May-15 12:05:41

Hey there I'm a bit of advice about my 9 year dd. In April of last year she moved schools, from one that was around the corner to one just under 2 miles away. The reason for the move was that she'd had problems with bullying, and in general I felt the school wasn't supportive and was actually going down hill. My eldest dd was in year 6 so just about to leave ready for high school so I felt it was now or never really.

We decided on a really good catholic school about 10 mins drive away as it had an excellent reputation, appeared to be very pupil focused and I generally got a good feel from the place. It also has brilliant SeN provision which is vital for my ds age 4 who will now start there this September.

So anyway I was really proud of dd as she appeared to settle we'll and despite a couple of blips along the way and a couple of years about missing a few friends she seemed to be doing well and we teacher was really happy with her. Well last night we was just sat talking and she broke down, saying that at break times she is hair walking round the school alone as none of the girls want to play with her, and that she tried to play with them and they just walk away! Well my heart broke, honesty I felt awful. I questioned her a bit more about it and it appears to be that he has a couple of good friends who are girls but these girls a part f a bigger group of friends and these other friends don't want to play with my dd.

Well like I said I was heartbroken for her. She's a lovely but sensitive little girl and takes things to heart, so of course I'm now feeling like the worlds worst mother and questioning myself whether we made a mistake moving her. The thing with the school is that I've noticed a lot of the parents are a bit snooty, I've tried to strike up conversations with parents at drop off and pick up times but sort from one woman, no one seems to want to talk to me. Now this in itself doesn't bother me but I feel like this is projecting on to my dd now as how can I expect her to form friendships with the chidlren if I can't even get the parents to talk to me to set up like a play date or something?

Like I said the school itself and be teachers are lovely and I'm really happy with that part as is my dd but I'm worried she's going to be lonely next couple of years and move up to high school with no friends, which makes me feel so sad. So I suppose what I'm asking is what should i do? I know you can't force kids to be friends but I feel in some way like the parents play a part in their social circle as they're all so clicky, now wonder my dd feels like an outsider.

OliviaJ Mon 18-May-15 14:46:35

Anyone? x

JimmyCorkhill Mon 18-May-15 14:57:00

Can you have a word with your DD's class teacher? He/she should be ensuring that your DD is settling in well. If your DD is keeping this info to herself the teacher might be unaware. I used to teach and it was not uncommon for a parent to tell me about something I had no idea was happening (and I was a lovely approachable teacher too!) This could be sorted so easily if the right people know about it.

I expect you are projecting your unhappiness about your DD on to the parents (I am not criticising you here, I am feeling similar thoughts about the parents at my DD's school so have been giving it a lot of thought recently).

OliviaJ Mon 18-May-15 15:30:34

Hi, yeah I think you're right, I'll speak to her teacher in the morning. To be honest apart from a couple of blips at the beginning she's been absolutely fine. She's been going into school and coming home with a smile on her face, mithering to take part in after school sports clubs etc and even asked to do her holy communion alongside her friends, so I suppose I was just surprised when she said how she feel bless her.

proudmama2772 Mon 18-May-15 17:31:45

Hi OliviaJ

My daughter had very similar issue in Year 3 after we moved. She went through a 2 month period with difficulty at break times - there were a few 'clubs' she wasn't allowed in. She came home crying off and on. After a month I wrote a short note to the teacher and just said she was having difficulty and quoted a few things she was telling me. I felt like I was being OTT - but the teacher was lovely. They stopped the 'clubs' - not good dynamic between little girls on the playground. I arranged some play dates and she is not having any trouble now. These things are to be expected and it is a good life lesson for kids to learn how to make friends being the new kid. It is so much harder for them at 10 on - kids are meaner.

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